To think my children can share a bedroom

[letasongcarryyoualong]

I have 2 children. DD is 5 and DS is almost 3. I am desperate for another baby, in fact I'd really like another 2 children and have a family of four but practically one more is probably my limit.

However we live in a 2 bed house which because of debt and taking out a mortgage over more than the 25 year term and a 100% mortgage we're in negative equity on and I can't see how we're ever going to be able to afford to move out. Neither of us earn much although we earn enough to keep us from being eligible for benefits. Part of this is DH, he could go for promotions etc but is happy where he is and doesn't want to add to his responsibility. I work part time.

Since we already have a DD and a DS in one bedroom I can't see how it would make much difference to add another. If I had two DDs it might be different, they could share indefinitely but as it is they have to share anyway. And I do worry about that too. At what age will DD need her own space?

What happens if you dont go to uni and get the better paid job you think will follow? What happens if you do go to uni, you'll only then have one earner and yet need childcare and at the end have even more debt.

It seems madness to think of having a third in a 2 bedroom flat when finances are already stretched. Children need some privacy, peace to study and a place of quiet when they need it.

How will you cope with the expense of three if you are struggling with costs already.

Just one thing that someone pointed out to me when we were looking at family size etc, people are living at home longer and longer these now, they cant save a deposit up for rent let alone a mortgage, so three small children in one room...maybe.

Three adults in their 20's needing somewhere to live...nightmare. Im not saying this will happen or course, hopefully it wont. But what if all three are unable to take on the world as soon as they turn 18? what if they do move ou but need to move back for any reason, all at the same time? Or course you dont 'have' to house adult children. But most of us would want to if the need arose surely?

Just a thought.

I very much doubt someone in this situation would still be in this situation in 18 years though. If you pay off the negative equity you could move to a massive house in another area in a few years if you wanted to.

Is it "romantisise living in poverty day" today or something?

The Fallen Modonna, I don't know about other posters, but I'm focussing on the gender problem because that is a serious problem the OP already has and cannot afford to remedy. Having another dc will leave them with even less space and money for creating a space for her dd to sleep in in privacy. That makes a 3rd dc even less justifiable.

Someone has said I'm venting my frustration at DH for not wanting promotions. I wasn't, it's his choice and I respect that. I'm simply explaining roughly what our current income is and how it's probably not going to change that much.

There's nothing really we could do with our property to utilise it a bit more and get more space and I do wish there was, and yes I know it is probably madness to bring another child into that but the longing is still there and sometimes it's incredibly powerful.

DD and DS are well fed, well dressed and cared for, we do not go hungry and we do not "look" poor. We get by, but we struggle. We would be able to provide for another child. It's simply a question of space and when (if ever) we'll be able to afford to move somewhere bigger.

I very much doubt someone in this situation would still be in this situation in 18 years though.

No, they would probably be even worse off if they keep adding to the drain on their financial resources.

BabyDubsEverywhere 'Three adults in their 20's needing somewhere to live...nightmare. Im not saying this will happen or course, hopefully it wont. But what if all three are unable to take on the world as soon as they turn 18? what if they do move ou but need to move back for any reason, all at the same time? Or course you dont 'have' to house adult children. But most of us would want to if the need arose surely?

All that house keeping money should make short work of the mortgage though

I would only consider this an option in the long term if I was prepared to sleep in the sitting room [with partner in your case]. Therefore the 2 same sex siblings would have the biggest bedroom, the other child would have the smallest. As others have said, older children really don't want to share a bedroom with opposite sex siblings. 2 [or even 3] of the same sex sharing is fine IMO, although they do need their own storage and as much space as possible.
Otherwise, is there any chance of getting creative to reorganise the rooms in the flat? Think property developer. they often seem able to create extra spaces.

hmm, i hadnt thought of that

{BabyDubs adds DC earnings to spread sheet of the future and can now afford that world cruise }

.......and what happens when you have the third child and then you still long for another one?

Are you really going to let your hormones (and it is just that - we are all "born to breed") rule your life outcomes?

I personally think the space isn't a major issue. Sure it'd be nice to all have a bedroom each, but if that is the only reason you aren't going to bring a much loved child into the world it's a bit of a thin reason.

There are needs and wants. Own bedroom is a want IMO, some people may disagree but maybe my perception is coloured by the fact that I shared a bedroom so know what it is like, and it ain't that bad. Sure it had its moments but nothing earth shattering and there were some positives about it too.

Dont see how they would be worse off in 18 years as they would only have 7 years to go on their mortgage so would nearly own their house outright. I see this as a short term thing in a few years if you are careful you could have paid a lot down and then you can move up.

My friend has 4 children in one big bedroom. 2 girls and 2 boys. The eldest is 13 and the youngest is 4.

They ran a curtain pole down the middle of the room and that gives them some privacy. The dd's change in their parents room.

I shared with my brother and it never bothered me at all.

Op, I would have a baby if you want one so desperately.

We have 5 children in a 3 bed house

It can work fine if you want it to. Dd1 (16) has her own room which is a box room. Dd2 and 3 (twins age 12) share another room, dd4 and ds1 (age 8 and 5) share the 3rd. Dh and I have a pull out sofa bed in the living room.

We will have to jiggle again when dd4 gets to 10 or 11 but for now they love sharing a room.

I don't think not giving them their own room is a failure to provide. I shared and had friends over, we could still go in bedroom - sis wasn't tied up in there! But we also used lounge or were outside.
Agree own room is better, but think shared room not a show stopper.

Dont see how they would be worse off in 18 years as they would only have 7 years to go on their mortgage so would nearly own their house outright. I see this as a short term thing in a few years if you are careful you could have paid a lot down and then you can move up.

Because we are in a recession already, it is unlikely that things are going to get better in the next few years, the cost of living is going to go up.... what happens if the OP and her husband run out of money for bills, mortgage, etc..

If OP had posted saying she was thinking of getting a dog, everyone would be up in arms reminding her of the cost, vets bills, no room.... yet there are people on here saying "yay, go for it, if you really want it, have another baby"...

Ridiculous....

DD1, DD2 and DD3 share the box room in our 4 bed house (4th bedroom is a less than well insulated room that is now DH's study as it's too cold to sleep in really [DH is an IT bod so it's full of cables and bits of important and ever so useful tech. ]). We have the smaller of the two doubles, as the biggest is now the girls playroom/dressing room (it is huge and we have had a double bed, cot bed and crib in there with chest of drawers and a full length fitted wardrobe when it was our room).

I am pg with an as yet unknown DC4 (surprise baby as it was conceived on contraception).

Our plan is if we have another girl, they will be in our room until at least 12-18m (as we did with the others) and then DD2 will be old enough to be on the top bunk and we will have two bunk beds in the room. They will still have the playroom and the rest of the set up will stay the same (though as they get older the playroom would move to a study/space for stroppy teenagers).

If DC4 is a boy they will share with us until 12-18m and then we will move into the biggest double and shift DH's junk important techie equipment out of the study and turn part of the bedroom into his study. DS would have the boxroom (in reality big enough for a double bed and a bit of furniture) and the DDs would share the smaller double, DD1 would have a high sleeper with storage underneath and DD2 & DD3 would have bunks. The study would then be the playroom/stroppy teenager room.

Having more children doesn't mean they all go with out. We don't go on holidays but then I never did as a child and I am fairly well adjusted (it also means I don't equate holidays with having a good time or as a barometer for how well off you are). They have more clothes, toys and books than they need really (got to love charity shops ) and as they are all girls everything has been passed down (clothes, shoes [with in reason] & even hair accessories!). They eat well and are on the whole very well behaved. They also love sleeping together even and will often wake up if one of them isn't there asking for them.

OP - If you can find a way to financially cope and sort out the sleeping arrangements (though waiting 6 years to have another child may be feasible too depending on your age - if you are now 20's-30's as opposed to late 40's) then why not have another child if both you and DH want to. Not to be comtemplated really though if finances won't work or there is no solution to the sleeping arrangements that doesn't involve someone sleeping in a tent in the garden.

Just wanted to say HeCate your post had me nodding along in tears. I am very much like you. I have one child when I wanted 2 or 3 and I ache every day about it but I have put my existing child first and put my practical head on. I am the adult and I need to think like one, sometimes just wanting something isn't enough of a reason.

I have someone close to me doing the exact opposite and it's driving more and more of a wedge between us that we have such different viewpoints on it - me not having any more and them having an ever growing large family they cannot adequately house or support.