To think my children can share a bedroom

[letasongcarryyoualong]

I have 2 children. DD is 5 and DS is almost 3. I am desperate for another baby, in fact I'd really like another 2 children and have a family of four but practically one more is probably my limit.

However we live in a 2 bed house which because of debt and taking out a mortgage over more than the 25 year term and a 100% mortgage we're in negative equity on and I can't see how we're ever going to be able to afford to move out. Neither of us earn much although we earn enough to keep us from being eligible for benefits. Part of this is DH, he could go for promotions etc but is happy where he is and doesn't want to add to his responsibility. I work part time.

Since we already have a DD and a DS in one bedroom I can't see how it would make much difference to add another. If I had two DDs it might be different, they could share indefinitely but as it is they have to share anyway. And I do worry about that too. At what age will DD need her own space?

I shared a room with my sis until I was 15.

It was a box room, we had bunk beds. The lower bed had a curtain so it could be drawn for privacy when dressing if desired. Anything to do with periods etc was done in the bathroom.

There is more to life than your own bedroom. I did like it when I got my own but if my parents had not had me for the lack of a bedroom I wouldn't be here now. I don't think sharing with my sis was a problem to our family. We had our own space within the bedroom iyswim.

we have 5 in a 3 bed house, 4 boys, two in one room, two in another and baby dd is in our room, at some point we will probably swop so the 2 younger boys and dd go into our room and we go into theirs, in the long term we would like to move or do a loft conversion.

i think it would be fine for a few years with baby in with you and then maybe swop so they have the big room, you cant partion their room currently could you partition the your room?

I think they can share, i.e. if you had an accidental pregnancy you would find a way to manage. I don't understand why you would get into this situation if you have the choice not to though.

DS is 7 and DD is 4 they share a room and have been very happy together. However now DS is starting to want his own room and his friends comment on how 'yucky' it is to have to share with DD. So while you or I may think it's fine to share you need to think about what the children will want. We can't afford to move where we'd like to live so are looking at a loft coversion.

Could you rent your own flat out, and then use that money to rent somewhere in a cheaper area so more bedrooms? You'd need to tell your mortgage lender and house insurer, plus meet all the regulations about rented properties (I don't know what they are but am aware some exist - gas safety and stuff).

It might be worth also thinking about exactly why you want another child. You say you are desperate to have another baby, but thinking beyond the tiny cute baby stage, would having a third child really improve your lives, or those of your existing children? Or is this more than a feeling of nostalgia and sadness that your existing children are growing up and no longer babies?

No, renting it out isn't an option, we did look into that but our mortgage providers would send our contributions rocketing upwards, the flat is in a listed building so there are various t & c attached to us living there.

Chrysanthemums that worries me as well. I remember a girl at school being bullied because she had to share a room with her brother :(

Yeah that's fine if you get along. Those of us who had miserable relationships with siblings would say otherwise.

If finances are that dire, then how will you afford a third child?

It isn't enough to want one, you have to be able to provide for them too. And consider the impact an additional child will have on the life of the existing children. What was split 2 ways must now be split 3 ways.

You cut your coat according to your cloth, as the saying goes.

If you cannot afford 3, (or 4) you don't have them.

I wanted 3. It wasn't the right choice to make for several reasons, one of them financial. It's a physical pain that this third child is missing. I feel like there's an empty place at the dining table. I feel there's someone missing who SHOULD have been here.

But it wasn't right to bring them into the world. For them or for my existing children. It was a very painful decision. But it would have been more painful to see all my children going without because I had chosen to bring more children into the world than I could realistically take care of.

It's one thing to already have the children and then find your circumstances change, it's quite another to be in a situation and make the choice, knowing you can't afford it.

But I do have great sympathy, because I understand the longing and the pain.

If you were to re-jig your living room so that it doubled as a bedroom then your house could accommodate three children.

I think sharing a room can be very good for children. I shared a room with my sister and, whilst it could be awkward, it was a valuable lesson in co-operation and good manners.

I think it is unfair to pin your frustration on your husband's lack of ambition. Not everyone wants to climb their way up the ladder and he is clearly content in his current position, which is no mean feat.

letasong, if you are intending to have your current dc share for the foreseeable future then I think YABU for that alone. You need to be looking into ways of splitting up their room to give your dd some privacy from her brother before she reaches puberty. I don't think it's fair for you to expect her to share with her brother even if she doesn't get bullied at school about it.

Unless their room is big enough that you could divide it into 2 and still have space for 3 dc in it, the YABVU and a little bit insane!

It doesn't sound like you do have any extra space you could utilise, then. Though I think somebody mentioned the possibility of you giving up your room to enable the children more space.

I think hecate has a point actually, in this case.

Hmmm, I agree with hecate.

I am lucky enough to have four children, 3 teens 1 preteen. Children cost much more as they grow, food, clothes etc, just the basic needs before you look at school trips, extra curricular etc. I didn't realise how much four would cost

I shared a bedroom in a tiny 2 bed flat with my sister growing up. It was fine when young but by the time we were teens it was awful. We had no personal space at all. No space to do homework no where for friends to come round.

I would think very very carefully. It is a shame you are in such a difficult position as location, market prices etc have to be so much a part of your decision.

Good luck whatever you decide though

there are ways arround it.

presumably, your 2 bed house has 2 rooms downstairs, in which case you make one your bedroom, like the people opposite who live in a 2 bed flat. and have teenage son and daughter. they only have one room downstairs so are worse off.

you may also be able to do a emporary parrtition in the biggest bedroom so that your daughter gets some space of her own, if only very small. big enough for a cabin bed with storage desk underneath. dh grew up with a room like that. I had friends who had to share with 2 sisters. .

it used to be quite normal, and will probably become quite normal again soon with the current economic situation

To be honest I think fun with siblings is more important than playschemes/holidays (you can camp. its cheap) new clothes etc

Yep, they can have fun together, wondering why their mates have nice clothes but their parents are struggling to buy them shoes for school, and they can all sit together in their cramped bedroom that they cant bring their mates into because there is no room, and anyway their mates have gone away on holiday.

It is selfish and it is indulgent, and it is unfair on the children that you already have to be unable to provide adequately for them or give them the best that you can.

It will probably be okay for a few years but by 10 your daughter is likely to be keen for her own room.

Friends have 3 in one room until eldest was 10. They had plenty of bedrooms but the children liked being in together. 2 girls and a boy.

But the OP has two children of different sexes already. So another child makes no difference at all to the issue of room sharing with a different sex sibling, which is what most people seem to be focusing on.

Fair enough, just a misunderstanding then, I apologise. But what I was trying to get at is that someone said it's better to have lots of fun and nice times with siblings than money. Well...yeah, if it works out like that, but what if it doesn't and you're in a room with 3 siblings you don't get on with and don't have any of your own space? Sadly it doesn't always work out as the more (and more tightly packed in) the merrier. That's what I meant.