Step children staying overnight

[Lisa249]

At the moment my husbands 2 children aged 7 and 9 stay with us every other weekend. im currently 4 months pregnant. at the moment we are having to move house, but on the current market i struggling to find a house to cater my husbands office, new baby and 2 step children staying overnight every other weekend. Ive asked my husband if he can see is children once a week for the day instead of every other weekend and them staying overnight. My husband is adamant he wants the children to stay over night and doesnt agree with my suggestion. Im getting highly stressed looking for a house to cater for all his needs i.e his children, gym equipment and office. Do you think im being unfair in asking that the children dont stay over night? That way we will find a house quicker as we dont have to accomidate the children sleeping over.

Tell him to fuck off with his "office".

Of course the step kids have to stay over - but does he "really" need an office/gym equipment etc? he sounds like a prize twat.

And why isn't he helping you look for a suitable house?

OPs not been back so I'm not going to bother sharing my 'squashing up' advice. I really tire of these threads though because it creates negative feeling about step-families, even if it is a big fake (which I suspect it is). Makes me want to start a thread about why its good to have some step DCs and how nice it is to have a house full, or walk down the street with a big troupe of DCs.

Sounds like my idea of a nightmare to be honest ArtV.

Hahaha! Its not for everyone, true. I just don't think its the big drama some people make it out to be

OP not been back then?

I suppose it depends on a few factors really. What the skids are like, what the father is like (whether he has any balls and is able to say no now and again) and what your own personality is like.

I'm totally antisocial so it just wouldn't work for me, no matter how nice the kids/father was

The OP will never be back.....

I find step children really enjoy small, dark enclosed spaces - could you get a house with a coal cellar or a really broad chimney breast? out of sight and out of mind thats the watchword of the wicked stepmother!

I was all riled up but you're probably right in that she won't be back.

But if it is real...I don't think I understand. You don't want them to stay - ever? I could perhaps get it if you were in rented accommodation for a month or two or something. (But we were in tiny rented accommodation while we were buying a new house - we still managed to fit the step kids in!).

Also, why are you the only one finding the house? And fitting his stuff in?

I hope this isn't for real.

WTF?

YABU.

YABU

Get him involved in finding a house and get rid rid of the gym/office. I suppose all three children could share a room if you get one big enough.

I have a feeling it is for real and that this mum-to-be is feeling a whole host of emotions.

Just think:

1. She has her DP who is demanding 'his' space for 'his' stuff (and I can believe that)
2. SHe is dealing with 2 step children but is not yet a mother so no real understanding of how they might feel (sorry, OP, I do believe you are genuine, but I don't really think you can understand kids until you have responsibility for one.
3. She is PG and dealing with all the hormones and the idea of protecting her child above all else (even SKs can seem scary)

I think she is utterly overwhelmed with the fact that she is feeling like she has to sort this whole thing out.

If you are still reading, I believe you, OP. I feel from where you are coming from... but you will regret it in the long term if you go ahead with it... Not least because one day soon you will know how you would feel if your DP did this to YOUR child.

Take care.

YABU. Just tell DP that in the current housing market uless he can find an alternative, its his gym equipment or his children and I think he'll find the choice quite easy

No way should children be shoved out from a parents life in this way.

Of course YABU. If you get together with a partner who already has children, you take on board the fact that those children come as part of a package.

Gym/office space fall by the wayside first, I'm afraid.

I am highly suspcious that the OP has not been back.

That's fine. As long as you accept that when you two get divorced (50%+ chance of that), he won't have your child overnight ever because he'll have moved on to the next lot. Otherwise, tell him to look for his own damn house ffs. Pathetic.

squooshFri 20-Apr-12 11:20:28

Poor stepchildren if this is how little regard their stepmother has for them.

DITTO

I'd go NUTS if my ex-DH decided not see his DC for the reason you have given!

Poor kids with u as a step mum. Let's hope u treat your own child with warmth empathy and respect

I agree with Lordy, word for word. I think you need to get your DH to house-hunt so he realises how little there is available to match his needs. Good luck

ok, i ve read ur replies, the gym equipment is something that my husband is not willing to part with. we have tried to get a house with a garage or conservatory but at the moment nothing is going in the area we need it in or at our price range. We have less than a month to move house.

You cannot ask your husband to not have his children overnight. That is beyond unfair.

Your baby will most likely sleep in with you for the first 6 months at least, so he/she won't need a room for a long time. The step children can share a room for now. The gym equipment and office can live in the same room.

This has to be one of th most unreasonable threads I have ever read on AIBU.

YABVvVvVvVvVU

If there's a choice - would he prefer to part with the gym equipment or his children?

Surely you can realise how absurd a choice it is?

I would put the ball back in your dh's hands and ask him to find a short list of suitable houses. Or you will have to change budget/area or criteria for a house (and the gym or office wold have to go).

It is astonishing if this is for real. Poor kids, being less important than a running machine.