Step children staying overnight

[Lisa249]

At the moment my husbands 2 children aged 7 and 9 stay with us every other weekend. im currently 4 months pregnant. at the moment we are having to move house, but on the current market i struggling to find a house to cater my husbands office, new baby and 2 step children staying overnight every other weekend. Ive asked my husband if he can see is children once a week for the day instead of every other weekend and them staying overnight. My husband is adamant he wants the children to stay over night and doesnt agree with my suggestion. Im getting highly stressed looking for a house to cater for all his needs i.e his children, gym equipment and office. Do you think im being unfair in asking that the children dont stay over night? That way we will find a house quicker as we dont have to accomidate the children sleeping over.

Just to clarify, the box room will be DSS' room but he's happier with his sisters for now and since they're all young it doesn't matter yet.

A friend of mine had a problem like this. She solved it by buying an indoor play tent (the fold-out sort) which she put up in the sitting room for her step children when they came - not ideal but a solution. You could either do that or make either the study or the gym (seems generous to have a whole room devoted to that) have a dual role as a bedroom for the SDC with foldaway camp beds (they could choose duvets etc). Is not your DH having a role in deciding this rather than just saying that he needs space for his gear? Is he not actively helping in the househunting? He should not, however, see his children less often - this will affect the children the most. He should compromise - be uncompromising about that!

I do think Catsmothers post is the most realistic.

Why should you be faced with finding the perfect solution. His kids, his problem to resolve. A office can be a room in the garden. You can exercise by running down a road.

Children need to feel loved and cared for.

Tell your DH to sell the gym equipment and buy bunk beds, then you only need a 3 bedroom and his office can double as step children's room, that's not too difficult surely? He can take up jogging for free or swimming/local authority gym membership which is usually quite reasonably priced.

Can't you just put a tent up in the garden when they come over? I hear you can get sleeping bags that are warm enough for winter.

I'm not sure she intends to be unreasonable. It sounds as though her husband is making the demands here regarding the house - he wants a room for his children and that's fair - but he wants an office and a gym.

Maybe the OP has been given the task of finding this home on a small budget - maybe her DH should pull his finger out and do some searching.

Maybe neither of them should put an office and a gym before the children

You are being so unreasonable this must be a reverse AIBU...

What I'm finding hard to believe is that, assuming you must have been together a fair while to be married and baby on the way, that you haven't yet been introcuded to the reality that is stepparenting, - in that they are his children, they will forever be a part of your lives, and that they are entitled to access visits which include overnight stays. I just don't get that this hasn't dawned on you yet and you would even consider that your husband would agree to his children not having a room to call theirs.

What's more if they are not the same sex they also need a room each.

If you haven't yet accepted this reality there is a great deal ahead which you need to prepare yourself for. Have a read through the threads in stepparenting or perhaps start a thread there asking what to expect. There is a wealth of good advice and support to be had.

Good luck.

If on the other hand this is a reverse AIBU as others have suggested, or indeed a wind-up, then please desist - we could really do without it.

YABU. You know this. Yawn, yawn, yawn.

I bet this thread will have been pulled by the time I log on again tomorrow. It's not going to end well........

YABU (just in case it's real)

Art thou KIDDING??

TABVU

Tell him to get rid of his gym equipment

YABU- they are his kids and like any decent father he want them overnight.
You need to accept they are a part of his life and accept you need to find the right accomodation that allows room for them.
Just because this man has found a new wife & is having a baby with you doesn't mean he has to give up on his children he already has.
Good on him for sticking to his guns he sounds like a loving father.

yabu those poor kids does he need an office could your bedroom or the livingroom be the office ,

I actually feel sorry for your step children you sound very mean, your new child could one day be a step child.
Imagine what you would feel like if their stepmum thought of your child like this!

Oh Oh! Get him a and a Dumbbell phone that way he can work AND be fit in one room!

I could solve the worlds problems me.

*Not the sarcasm and stop being a...

Another YABU here. Your step children will feel pushed out if they can't stay out. When you met your husband you knew he had children and you, presumably, knew that they stayed with their father over night. You can't just ask that this arrangement stops just because it suits you. Good for your husband for saying no. At least it shows he cares for his children.