to think ds's school should take a harder line over these issues?

[lecce]

Although we are reasonably happy with what seems to be going on in the classroom of ds1's school (he is in YR) there are a couple of issues that are really starting to grate - especially on dh, who does the school runs. He wants to raise them at a forthcoming parent forum so AWBU?

1. Smoking directly outside the school. Our local council recently introduced a voluntary ban on smoking outside schools (on the pavement) and in play areas. Posters were sent to all schools bt ours has not displayed any. There are always countless parents smoking right outside the door and it seems to us it is not setting a good example to the children. Dh is particularly depressed by the handful of women who turn up in the mornings smoking in their pyjamas. Dh is a typical ex-smoker I suppose but he is angry more with the school for not publicising the issue, than the parents themselves. Of course the head cannot stop the parents outright but displaying the posters would be a start.

1. At least once a week ds comes out with some rubbishy snack given because of someone's birthday. Today it was a bag of total crap - lollies, those candy stick things, rock hard sweets I would never give him. Monday it was a bag of Walkers. We really don't want him to have all this stuff - yes dh can (and does) take it off him but he could do without the 5 minutes of whinging that ensues and it does seem unfair to ds when others from his class are walking alongside him eating theirs. I read about schools on here policing lunch boxes and ours seems to the complete opposite.

The school is in a pretty deprived area and it just seems that there is a fatalistic and patronising attitude from the head - "Oh, these parents are working class, they can't be expected not to stand right next to the entrance smoking..." etc Shouldn't the school take more of an active role in promoting a healthy lifestyle?

What has class got to do with it? That's a bit insulting! Plenty of working class parents don't smoke/smoke outside of schools and don't do drop-offs in pjs.

I understand where you and DH are coming from but the smoking rule is voluntary. Maybe the school has decided that it's unreasonable to dictate to adults what they can and cannot legally do in a public place.

WRT the junk food, is it really going to kill a child if it's an occasional thing? No, no more than it harms you or your child if you say he can't have them. Again, it's parental/adult choice in a "free country". Sure, these things, especially the smoking, don't set a good example but your DC are going to experience the sight of them regardless of the school taking part in any voluntary ban. They're also going to have to get used to the fact that while others do/have certain things, they are unable to, not just now but when they're 45 and lusting after the next door neighbour's Porsche.

Sweets on classmates birthdays was great fun at school. We rarely had sweets so it was fab

As for the smoking if they are off the school grounds then they can't be forced not to smoke

I just have to add, sweets and junk food "at least once a week" for someone's birthday??? Really? Good grief, how many kids are in your child's class? 52?!

I know plenty of working-class people don't do those things - that's kind of our point (though I probably didn't express it very well ) The area the school is in is deprived and it is as if the school or the head believes that there is no point in asking these parents not to smoke outside the school - there is no way they will comply so we won't even bother mentioning it. I think that's patronising.

As I said, the junk food isn't really occasional - it's at least once a week. I know the dc have to get used to the idea they can't always have what others have but can't help feeling the school could attempt some sort of influence in the matter. Tbh, it's a pia having to go through it all on such a regular basis.

I don't really buy this stuff about adults having a choice. Re the smoking: the children don't have a choice about walking past it/ seeing it/smelling it. I know it won't kill them but feel we could aim a bit higher for the children of this school.

I know - we don't always know what it's for (or maybe I've exaggarated a bit ) but quite a few dc have left and I was also thinking about the medium sized egg ds was given for 100% attendance and the creme egg his teacher bought him before the holiday. wouldn't a book token/set of pens been more appropriate?

I take it smoking is still legal in this country yes? And sugary snacks - whether from Fortnum and Mason or the local Best-Buy - they're still legal?
You sound like a proper busybody OP but do carry on being so frightfully superior - I'm sure you'll make lots and lots of friends.

Once a week is occasional

It's a fact of life that people smoke

You can't shield your children from that fact

But the sweets for birthdays will be sent in by the birthday child's parents?

One of the surest ways of ensuring your kids have a VERY unhealthy attitude to sweets in later life is to make such a ridiculous hooey about them now.

You are suggesting that your son's teacher should have bought the whole class a book token rather than a creme egg for Easter?! If these are your only issues with school, you are lucky and my advice would be not to sweat the small stuff.

I know but since some schools seem to tell people what to put in luch boxes, couldn't this one tell people not to bring this stuff in for birthdays.

How often do you allow your dc sugary snacks. It's one thing to say once a week is occasional but if you only want your dc to have this stuff once a week then it takes away your opportunity to choose/give them a snack like this.

Creme egggs are a lot cheaper than book tokens/ set of pens! Teachers buy these little gifts from their own money you know - nothing is probably the alternative to sweets.

You could try HE ?

Eggs obviosly

A chocolate is is appropriate for Easter, isn't it

And cheaper than a book token for every child in the class...

obviously too - epic fail tonight!

Oh fuck, seems I'm not expressing myself well at all The creme egg from the teacher was king but she needn't have bought anything and, tbh, I rather wish she hadn't bought this (well, not really as I ate it!).

The other, much more substantial, egg was from 'the school' and, yes, I feel a book token etc would ahve been a better choice.

feel we could aim a bit higher for the children of this school.

Its a bit of a Lady Bountiful attitude. People smoke, its legal, they are doing it outside. It might irk you and your husband. The sweets/ party bags thing - if you don't want your child to have them, its your job to take them off them not the schools to stop it in the first place. The reason they are given to them to take home is so parents have that choice.

As long as you are happy with the education your child is receiving inside the school that would be good enough for me.

We had this in our school, parents complaining about birthday sweets and treats and such.
So we sent out a newsletter, telling all the parents about the complaints and asking them to vote, then there would be a democratic decision taken, following the wishes of the majority.
It was brilliant fun, the parents got very agitated with each other and bitchy and PFB. Then there was a decision made on the basis of all the voting and the birthday sweets stayed and no one was cross with the teachers because it was all nothing to do with them. Which suited us fine.

kind

I am a teacher - I know they buy them from their own money! Please let me clarify - I in no way believe ds's teacher should have spent any money at all on him!

I have to agree with you about the sweets - My child regularly comes out with them from pre school, (as a gift from kids who have birthdays that day) and that is at 11.30am....we are on our way home for lunch, and stopping him from eating them is just so difficult. I also think a school should set an example and should encourage health - I also live in a deprived area and there are lots of fat and unhealthy kids...really, teaching that sweets are a treat is not a good example.

I also feel that the school thinks that as we are in a deprived area we could not manage to adopt a more healthy way - which I agree is patronising...

Oh god OP.....my DD goes to an outstanding and very middle classs state primary...ALL she gets friom techers etc is cheapo crappy sweets and eggs and I am happy for her!

You really will have to chill. and give poor DS a sweetie like his friends

See, give the decision to the parents. Start a campaign to have the evils of chocolate and haribo banned from your school and the governors and SMT will have to act.

You could ask the school to display the anti-smoking posters, or put something in a newsletter, asking/encouraging parents not to smoke so near the school grounds.
However, I think YABU on the issue of sweets for childrens' birthdays. There are probably a few weeks when there are lots of birthdays clustered together, but I'm sure there are some weeks when there aren't any birthdays. If some of the parents are as deprived as you insinuate, it may be a big effort for them to go to the trouble of sending something in to mark their DCs' birthdays. Maybe for some of the children this may be the family's only or main way of marking their special day, so shouldn't it be celebrated, even if you don't approve of the sweets?

hambo BUt sweets ARE a treat!

Right...when it's DD birthday I'm sending her in with a bag of sprouts. One each for all the kids.