to think ds's school should take a harder line over these issues?

[lecce]

Although we are reasonably happy with what seems to be going on in the classroom of ds1's school (he is in YR) there are a couple of issues that are really starting to grate - especially on dh, who does the school runs. He wants to raise them at a forthcoming parent forum so AWBU?

1. Smoking directly outside the school. Our local council recently introduced a voluntary ban on smoking outside schools (on the pavement) and in play areas. Posters were sent to all schools bt ours has not displayed any. There are always countless parents smoking right outside the door and it seems to us it is not setting a good example to the children. Dh is particularly depressed by the handful of women who turn up in the mornings smoking in their pyjamas. Dh is a typical ex-smoker I suppose but he is angry more with the school for not publicising the issue, than the parents themselves. Of course the head cannot stop the parents outright but displaying the posters would be a start.

1. At least once a week ds comes out with some rubbishy snack given because of someone's birthday. Today it was a bag of total crap - lollies, those candy stick things, rock hard sweets I would never give him. Monday it was a bag of Walkers. We really don't want him to have all this stuff - yes dh can (and does) take it off him but he could do without the 5 minutes of whinging that ensues and it does seem unfair to ds when others from his class are walking alongside him eating theirs. I read about schools on here policing lunch boxes and ours seems to the complete opposite.

The school is in a pretty deprived area and it just seems that there is a fatalistic and patronising attitude from the head - "Oh, these parents are working class, they can't be expected not to stand right next to the entrance smoking..." etc Shouldn't the school take more of an active role in promoting a healthy lifestyle?

squeakytoy yes, we've survived but the average size of a woman in this country is now 16. Not that healthy is it?

yay we get onto the fatty bashing old chestnut again! I mean its inevitable someone as bloody HUGE as a size 16 could never be healthy isnt it?

At DD's school there are many no smoking signs displayed prominiently.

The school has also sent home many letters explaining that they will not help distribute sweets on birthdays and suggesting that bringing in a healthy treat might be more appropriate.

The result?
Many parents smoking outside school directly next to no smoking signs.
Children distribute sweets in the playground immediately school finishes so the school can claim this is done outside of their responsibility.

Would the OP feel better if her DC's school was like DD's?

The sweets on birthdays thing got banned from my DDs school. Tbh I thought it was a little sad. Specially when I never got the letter saying it was banned and DD took some sweets in to share out and was told she can't, it really upset her.

Ilovethedoctor UK schools already do the crunch and sip thing (except we don't call it that.) The children take in a bottle of water to have available throughout the day and Infant children are given free fresh fruit /veg (they are in our county anyway) and Junior age kids take in their own fruit/veg

This is why I would never teach.

*The result?
Many parents smoking outside school directly next to no smoking signs.
Children distribute sweets in the playground immediately school finishes so the school can claim this is done outside of their responsibility.

Would the OP feel better if her DC's school was like DD's?*

Yes, I would actually, because then I would feel like the school was actually helping to address the issues. If people are ignorant and just flout the rules then the school can't really help that and I do understand that they have to be careful not to alienate parents. However, if they at least put the posters up and send out newsletters they are stating their position. It sounds like the parents in that school simply don't want to be told and there is little the school can do - at least they are trying though.

This is why I would never teach. Why??

I teach so if you are suggesting that I would be a nightmare parent to deal with, you would be wrong as I am well aware of the pressures teachers face.(You would, of course, have to ask ds1's teacher what I am like but I don't think I have done anything to piss her off ).

Nowhere in any of my posts have I implied that I blame the teachers themselves or have any intention whatsoever of raising this with ds's class teacher. She has no choice but to follow the school policy on distributing sweets - I fully understand this. I have referred to the head and 'the school' by which I mean a combination of the head and governors.

I really cant see anything on this thread to put anyone off teaching.

i think the majority response to your thread is extraordinary, lecce. there seems to be no way to have a conversation on here any more without trashing people.

can't

Schools should be helping to encourage a healthy attitude towards food and a healthy attitude includes being aware that (allergies permitting!) everything is fine in moderation. At nursery DS is taking part in a "healthy heros" scheme, that doesn't stop them baking cakes with the children which - like birthday sweets - are sent home for the parents to eat to decide when they are eaten.

At dd's school you're only allowed to smoke once you are off the premises. As for the sweets or treats because its a childs birthday.....whats wrong with that? Arent children allowed to bring something in to share with their classmates because its their birthday? OP, unless in your childs class there is a child who has a birthday every single day of the term and the bag is stuffed to the brim of chocolate, sweets etc, i think you're being petty to be honest.

The birthday sweets is the parents choice, the teachers option to say yes or no. THEY ARE KIDS! Let them be kids for goodness sake.

I don't know why you're being accused of being a snob, I would feel a bit depressed to be surrounded by pyjama-clad smokers at the school gates, too.
And I wouldn't want my children to be given sweets at school every week either.

Gee I didn't realise I was so lucky, we have none of this going on at our local school!

totally, treads. it is depressing. jesus, get dressed in the morning, have some self-respect.

I think its horrible for parents to be smoking right outside the school grounds, surely they can have a fag before picking their child up?!! YANBU with that and yes the school should try to achieve a higher standard regardless of being in a deprived area.

I agree with the other posters that YABU regarding the sweets. Why is it an issue for your child to have a treat once a week, I would give my DCs treats more than that as they have a really good healthy balanced diet so I really don't see the harm. I do not always let them have stuff like this straight away as they may be having their tea as soon as they get home.

Most school do promote healthy eating, as does ours but they also promote that a treat now and then does no harm. I have issues with my pre-schooler if he can't have sweets at 12pm just before his lunch but I explain he can have them after if he eats it all and there may be some tears but he needs to learn these things so I don't really see it as a problem.

Seeing people like that makes me feel better about myself as the fact I have some self respect!

regarding the sweets... while it is something you do just have to suck up, it would get on my nerves. sometimes i like taking the kids for a treat in a cafe on the way home... their already being stuffed full of crap rather limits my opportunity for a restorative coffee myself.

fluffypillow is it really that strange that children do say no to sweets

flibbertywidget I am from a different country in Europe and sweets as birthday treats are normal there.

If you don't want your child to eat the sweets, just say no. It really isn't that hard and a few tears will not harm them or you.

If they can ban smoking in pub or other public place, I think they should ban smoking in school area too! But I disagree with the sweets issue. Having sweets OCCASIONALLY won't do them any harm. I don't like my DD having too much sweets but I don't stop her completely. I learnt from my friend lesson. One of my friend is a doctor who very concern about nutrition and health of her son. So she never give her son any sweets or chocolate since he was young and only give him fruits and veggi. So he never has taste them until he was 8, when he experience it for the 1st time at his social events he hooked on it and never eat green veggi again! Since then he always has sweets and sugary stuffs and his parents can't do anything about it. If he can't get it from his parent he get them from his friends anyway.

Aitch - surely you could say to them wait and have their sweets once they are a the cafe or afterwards, I can't imagine they are allowed to actually eat the sweets at school.

I find it so strange that parents feel they are unable to say no to their children. I have a friend that lets her child do something that is extremely dangerous at home (I can't really say what it is as its very specific to that particular friend) and she said that she has said no to him but he still does it so she doesn't bother now. When he comes to me I say we are not allowed to do that at my house, after that first time he has never done it since!

Pink - but that would be basically banning smoking in public outside which really isn't an option. How big an area would you ban it in? What about people who live next to the school would they have to be banned from smoking outside their own property?

I think loads of posters here are missing the point and approaching this from their own perpective, ie everything in moderation, sweets will not harm you if you have a balanced diet at other times.

The fact is, where I and many others live, children are not given a balanced diet at other times. Their parents are giving them sweets, crisps and juice for breakfast and lunch. Where will these children learn about health if not from school? One mum asked me (in a supermarket) if she could give her child a sweet pepper, or was it hot like a chilli. She said that her son had eaten one at pre school and had requested she buy him one, but she wasn't sure if it was right or not. So this was a case of the child being educated by the school and not his mum, and I think the school should follow this through by encouraging other healthy snacks and treats, rather than sweets.
No way am I saying no sweets, ban cakes etc, but where I live the population is the fattest in Britain, and we have to start somewhere, possibly with the children.

THEY ARE KIDS! Let them be kids for goodness sake.

See, it's comments like this that I find really unhelpful - so hysterical. Htf am I stopping 'kids be kids' just because I don't want them stuffing sugary crap down their necks all the time. Can't a happy childhood be had unless junk food is doled out at every ocassion? Yes I'm exaggarating, but so are you.

And I do feel it particularlly inappropriate that they are being given this stuff AT school and, in some cases BY school.

No matter how many times I have said, very clearly I think, that I do allow my children 'junk' in moderation still people are ranting about how my children will have no control, will be obsessed with sugar...etc

sometimes i like taking the kids for a treat in a cafe on the way home... their already being stuffed full of crap rather limits my opportunity for a restorative coffee myself. I agree totally with this. It takes away the control and choice from dh and I. And before anyone trots out the line about how we could say 'no' and it's down to us to refuse etc - I can't believe there are so few of us who would rather not have this confrontation/conflict after school on such a regular basis.

Totally agree Lecce

The sweets thing happens at our school too but it tends to be one lolly or sweet not a whole bag per child!

I can live with it as it is.

The smoking is horrible but as long as the parents are outside the school gates it's not the school's business.

I wouldn't like the smoking but the school can only ban it on their property.