to think ds's school should take a harder line over these issues?

[lecce]

Although we are reasonably happy with what seems to be going on in the classroom of ds1's school (he is in YR) there are a couple of issues that are really starting to grate - especially on dh, who does the school runs. He wants to raise them at a forthcoming parent forum so AWBU?

1. Smoking directly outside the school. Our local council recently introduced a voluntary ban on smoking outside schools (on the pavement) and in play areas. Posters were sent to all schools bt ours has not displayed any. There are always countless parents smoking right outside the door and it seems to us it is not setting a good example to the children. Dh is particularly depressed by the handful of women who turn up in the mornings smoking in their pyjamas. Dh is a typical ex-smoker I suppose but he is angry more with the school for not publicising the issue, than the parents themselves. Of course the head cannot stop the parents outright but displaying the posters would be a start.

1. At least once a week ds comes out with some rubbishy snack given because of someone's birthday. Today it was a bag of total crap - lollies, those candy stick things, rock hard sweets I would never give him. Monday it was a bag of Walkers. We really don't want him to have all this stuff - yes dh can (and does) take it off him but he could do without the 5 minutes of whinging that ensues and it does seem unfair to ds when others from his class are walking alongside him eating theirs. I read about schools on here policing lunch boxes and ours seems to the complete opposite.

The school is in a pretty deprived area and it just seems that there is a fatalistic and patronising attitude from the head - "Oh, these parents are working class, they can't be expected not to stand right next to the entrance smoking..." etc Shouldn't the school take more of an active role in promoting a healthy lifestyle?

Sorry OP, I was trying to say that the school's attirude towards the working classes was patronising, not that yours was.

You know that your problem is that you should have sent your kid to a naice school full of middle class kids and parents

seriously they are kids, get a life ! or a hobby !

Why is the OP getting such a hard time? She's not asking for an outright ban on either issue - just a bit of effort on the school's part to try and guide behaviour.

OP, YANBU. I'm surprised they're allowed any treats at all in class - my DC's class can hardly have anything due to several nut, egg and other allergies.

How often do you allow your dc sugary snacks. It's one thing to say once a week is occasional but if you only want your dc to have this stuff once a week then it takes away your opportunity to choose/give them a snack like this
Thats exactly how I felt (when my dc went to school)

On a loooong list of reasons why I decided to HE, being fed up of the schools attitude to various things was a reason to home educate. Another was being fed up that if my kids had a treat or two a week that would end up being the rubbish given to them at school. Those reasons werent anywhere near the top of the list though!

I would raise it at the school if I had a chance.

I do get annoyed with the amount of sweets the DDs bring home sometimes - and this is at a naice middle-class school in a leafy area. But you're the parent, you have to stand firm. Our policy at home is that all sweets are to be handed in to parents and will go into the sweet box, from where they will be handed out at appropriate times, these to be determined by above-mentioned parents.

All cupcakes (which obviously do not keep) will be taken home and will be shared between both DDs as evening treat (immediately prior to toothbrushing).

It works, and because the DDs know the rules and know what to expect there is never any friction.

Thank you, hambo. Glad someone sees my point

I don't see why it is so ridiculous to expect a school to gelp promote healthy lifestyles. As I said, I know they can't stop parents smoking but they could at least have put the effing posters up - other schools in the city have!

Someone mentioned my giving my ds food issues by banning junk food. Where have I said I have banned it? I haven't but I would rather he didn't have this amount, didn't have rock hard stuff at all, and that I/dh didn't have to be the 'bad guys' taking stuff off him so regularly.

yanbu - surely it isn't appropriate to smoke outside the school - and at least to advertise that the school would prefer they didn't? I don't understand the "well smoking happens" attitude - so do a lot of things that you wouldn't accept outside a school.

Yanbu about regular sweets being given - fair enough a creme egg at easter and a chocolate santa at christmas but every week is a bit much - am sure that they have better things to spend the money on too!

'Why is the OP getting such a hard time? She's not asking for an outright ban on either issue - just a bit of effort on the school's part to try and guide behaviour. '

Because it is a parenting issue and fuck all to do with the teachers. If she wants to change policy, then she should act, or pluck the sweeties from little Marmaduke's hand and give him an organic apricot or something.
I didn't let my children have hard boiled sweets at all, they used to trade them with me for chocolate. My rules, my choice. Parenting, the art of saying no on occasion.

And I would agree that you need to chill. I'm old enough to have been a kid when there was no lunchbox policing or "anti sweet-stuff in school" drive. Sure, a couple of kids in my year were overweight. They had the same sweets as a school treat as the rest of the class and I did and the rest of us weren't. In fact, I was known as "Boney Maloney" because I was such a skinny kid! The stress over a few sweets nowdays is remarkable to those of us who survived them!

{ rolls eyes }

Praise be for sensible posts like Fallen and graham

Like schools haven't got enough to do for fuck's sake!

{farts}

Farting is MY department thank you very much maddening!

although I am a vegetarian with ibs so would give you a run for your money!

School is only 39 weeks of the year, 30 children, often a teacher and 2 TA's in a year R class does normally equal crap most weeks. In year R DS thought this was the best thing about school Glad there's only 5 pupils and 3 staff in my class - I am on a diet

I agree about the smoking but think that parents that do this won't stop voluntarily - because they don't see they're doing anything wrong. Its a very objective and emotive subject - one where there's always going to be a divide until laws are passed.

FallenCary - educating is a school issue and handing out sweets by the school is promoting sweets as treats when in actual fact, in my area, people are not healthy and have health problems due to being uneduacted about what constitutes healthy food. Kids eat sweets but no fruit or veg. Their parents are the same and if the school does not educate the children, where will they find out about alternatives to snacking on rubbish?

You are being a bit pious and a snob.

It may well be that other parents can't afford to give their DCs expensive presents or throw grand class parties, but they can buy sweets to share.

Sharing food with your friends is a very ancient human tradition, it makes people feel good and strengthens ties.
Children love exchanging gifts, that their parents may think sweets are a bit naughty just makes it a bit more special.

And get real, the supermarkets had Easter eggs for £1, that won't buy many pages of a book

it is a parenting issue and fuck all to do with the teachers. If she wants to change policy, then she should act, or pluck the sweeties from little Marmaduke's hand and give him an organic apricot or something.

Where have I said I blame teachers? I don't - I am one myself (though not primary). I blame the head and the governors. I said in my Op that we do intend to raise the issues at a forum that's coming up - I am just sounding out opinion before I do so. Thanks for the advice, but as I have said several times, I do say no but would appreciate not having to do so quite so often.

GrahamTribe I know what you mean - I had a kitkat and crisps every day and was like a beanpole. I am a little sensitive because ds was found to be very slightly overweight when they measured him(had a thread on here about it) - he has shot up since so I hope that when I get him measured in the summer he will back in the normal range.

'tis one of the funny things about MN - on my thread about ds's weight I was lambasted for putting a little butter on his potatoes and - shock horror- Greek yoghurt on his fruit for pudding - and now I am being lambasted for not letting him have sugary crap .

Why am I being a snob?

Schools are educational establishments but also about rights and responsibilities. Therefore it is the right of the parent to choose what their child is allowed as a treat. Education is not indoctrination or restricting people's legal choices.

I am surprised there are no fruits and vegetables, do your KS1 pupils not get them as a matter of course?

YANBU in the slightest about the smoking.

YAGettingYourKnickersInATwist about the birthday sweeties. They are unnecessary but not harmful, especially if he's on quinoa and mung beans full time the rest of the time.

And eating them yourself is the worst possible way of dealing with them!

My children like handing out sweets and receiving them. And I let them eat it on the walk home, they can do with a sugar boost after a day at school :o
So what are you suggestions for a suitable treat then?

The smoking would annoy me but I doubt it the school can do much about it.

Oh and our school did an easter egg hunt with chocolate eggs

'now I am being lambasted for not letting him have sugary crap'

I think it is your choice, and if you don't want him to eat sweets then you tell him no, instead of delegating the responsibility to someone else.

'And eating them yourself is the worst possible way of dealing with them!'

'No, you can't have a creme egg...sluuurp....they are bad for you. I'm only doing this to save you my darling'