to think ds's school should take a harder line over these issues?

[lecce]

Although we are reasonably happy with what seems to be going on in the classroom of ds1's school (he is in YR) there are a couple of issues that are really starting to grate - especially on dh, who does the school runs. He wants to raise them at a forthcoming parent forum so AWBU?

1. Smoking directly outside the school. Our local council recently introduced a voluntary ban on smoking outside schools (on the pavement) and in play areas. Posters were sent to all schools bt ours has not displayed any. There are always countless parents smoking right outside the door and it seems to us it is not setting a good example to the children. Dh is particularly depressed by the handful of women who turn up in the mornings smoking in their pyjamas. Dh is a typical ex-smoker I suppose but he is angry more with the school for not publicising the issue, than the parents themselves. Of course the head cannot stop the parents outright but displaying the posters would be a start.

1. At least once a week ds comes out with some rubbishy snack given because of someone's birthday. Today it was a bag of total crap - lollies, those candy stick things, rock hard sweets I would never give him. Monday it was a bag of Walkers. We really don't want him to have all this stuff - yes dh can (and does) take it off him but he could do without the 5 minutes of whinging that ensues and it does seem unfair to ds when others from his class are walking alongside him eating theirs. I read about schools on here policing lunch boxes and ours seems to the complete opposite.

The school is in a pretty deprived area and it just seems that there is a fatalistic and patronising attitude from the head - "Oh, these parents are working class, they can't be expected not to stand right next to the entrance smoking..." etc Shouldn't the school take more of an active role in promoting a healthy lifestyle?

Ours are given out at the end of the day, and the child can't eat them until they are with the person collecting them. It works.

My school has a no smoking policy on school grounds but cannot police what happens off the premises.

As a teacher I like to reward my class as a whole and also individual children I have a variety of treats e.g. bubbles, pencils, pencil toppers, rubbers and occassionally sweets/chocolate. I buy these and I do try to find alternative to sweets but cost is an issue.

As far as birthday treats from other children it wouldn't be right for the school to police these and insist on non sweet treats it is the parents choice what to give and the parents choice if they allow their children to have the treat.

Sweets - fine.

Smoking outside the school - grrrrrr! Just hold on for a bit rather than sparking up right outside the school gate.

To take away sweets from your DS on a classmate's birthday when everyone else has them just seems really quite mean. :(

squeakytoy Schools are not there to feed your kids junk either.

fallencaryatid You can't do your 'parenting bit' if you don't even know when the school has dished out yet more crap.

yanbu

I don't understand how anybody can be so lazy and lacking in self respect that they will go out in public in their pjs. I think it's terrible for children to come out of school seeing a horde non functioning, chain smoking, unwashed slobs and not realising that it is abnormal, anti social and mentally questionable behaviour. Horrible habits you don't want your kids picking up.

As for the junk food, if parents want to let their children gorge their way to diabetes that's a matter for them, children should not be given junk food every week by the school. Parent's should have control over what their kid's eat. This is causing your child to be upset and you have to hear him whinge when you take the junk from him. Don't pay any attention to people who think once a week is 'occasional', there is an obesity epidemic for a reason and far too many kids with rotting teeth.

Squeaky How often have you hear politicians or pressure groups blaming schools for not teaching x or y or z. They got blamed for the riots last summer fgs. It seems schools are expected now to be doing all the things parents should be doing plus their core job as well.

everyone's being very hard on the OP, i think. totally agree with her that ths school can aim higher and at least put the bloody posters up and mention not smoking at the school gates when kids are coming through. it does set a bad example. i would also prefer that my dd's favourite teacher didn't sneak to the same spot every day for her post-work fag, where the kids on the school bus can see her.

regarding the crap, that's not really a school issue, unfortunately.

the only thing you can do, lecce, to start making these changes, is join the PTA. It won't kill people to smoke on the way there or back, rather than when they are waiting.

Then get the school policy changed. This is like the song 'There's a hole in my bucket'

'Squeaky How often have you hear politicians or pressure groups blaming schools for not teaching x or y or z. They got blamed for the riots last summer fgs. It seems schools are expected now to be doing all the things parents should be doing plus their core job as well.'

You wait until the Relate offices open in the new attached units, and the compulsory gym attendance for overweight parents. And the pre-conception parenting classes...

I totally agree with everything you say op.

With regard the smoking I would ask the school to put up signs - I would be worried that the parents' could not adhere to a no smoking ban - if the parents are not bothered then..

Again sweets are for a treat. so birthdays and special occasions, yes fine!

I do not think it's a great idea after a normal school day for my child to be 'rewarded' with a bag of crap. However if it is someones birthday then that's fine (how many in the class - it cannot be everyday)

He eats fruit when he gets home (apples, oranges, bananas are plentiful in local shops), then has his dinner. He eats chocolate, I eat chocolate but not to excess.

We have a varied diet

Ffs lighten up. A few sweets on a birthday is fine.

Hate smoking but if it's outside then what do you think school can do?

Seems to me u are parents who boast about sending your kids to the local working class school to mix with kids if all 'classes' and then proceed to bitch about it when you are faced with the reality.

Do what we all do and move house to a catchment area where women don't wear pyjamas all day and smoke.

bobbledunk I absolutely agree with you.

I was at primary and junior school in the 70's. First port of call at 3.30 was the corner shop and the penny tray for sweets... the queue snaked out of the door...

We walked home eating our pink shrimps, chocolate spanners, spaceships etc, then we went out to play, on our bikes, kicking a football around, hide and seek, or any other games that we felt like playing until it was time to go in for tea at about 5.30pm. In summer we went back out after tea for another hour or so.

In winter we went swimming, brownies, or played indoors.. but we were moving around..

I can honestly say that out of a school of 200 pupils, I can only recall one obese child. The rest of us were whippets, despite eating "stodgy" school dinners, and sweets...

In that decade, nobody was obsessed with BMI, sugar control, salt control, and additives.. yet we have all survived, or at least the vast majority of us have, and gone on to have our own kids, and live healthy lives.

The fallen's are as one on this. Engage with the school management.

Why iS there an apostrophe in my last post, bloody phone.

Schools are there to teach your children how to read, write, and pass exams, not be the food police

and therein lies the problem, the shit food served by most schools means that most of our DC's are not getting the nutrition they need to learn properly.

FWIW - I think smoking should be banned anywhere near a school. Passive smoking is the worst thing ever. I hate the smell of fags and I have to stand outside the school to pick up my child. I don't have a bloody choice, I need to pick up my child.

And as for the sweets thing, I agree with the OP. WHY? I had this conversation with my Spanish friend the other day. They don't do this in Europe.

I got really pissed off with my preschool when my DD came home with a bag of haribo when she was 2 and a half. They gave me endless directives about no nuts in the packed lunch and unhealthy foods and then gave her a bag of haribo at the end of term. I don't want her to have too much sugar, she has a lifetime ahead of her to make shit food choices, I want her to learn that sugar is unhealthy devils dandruff and should be avoided. Am I being PFB, not really with a family history of diabetes.

If there is an issue with parents smoking directly outside the school meaning lots of the kids (and other parents, potentially with smaller kids or babies) have to walk through smoke, then why not raise it?

Get the posters displayed and ask the head to raise it regularly if s/he sends any general news or information letters home.

It might stop, it might not. But it certainly won't if nobody says anything!

Not sure if your dh is more worried about the smoking or the pjs - I would aim to get the smoking stopped before the pjs, think that will distract from the main argument...

Is the head a smoker (or have parents/close family/friends that are smokers) and therefore not want to ban it as they want to nip out themselves? Or are they scared of this particular set of mums?

With regard the sweeties - our school bans giving out anything foodie - mostly because there are several kids with bad allergies and nobody minds, kids tend to take in little stickers or pens instead (typical party bag stuff!)

They also seem to have some healthy certificate eating award from some scheme so this helps contribute towards that I think. Might be worth suggesting as an alternative approach...

squeakytoy yes, we've survived but the average size of a woman in this country is now 16. Not that healthy is it?

I have only ever seen one parent smoke outside our gates she was 10 minutes early. It would only bother me if they were doing it in the playground. My son comes out with horrible chewy sweets daily, they have a reward box in class and it is filled with sweets! This does annoy me slightly because I also have a two year old who will cry all the way home in the car because she doesn't have a horrid chewy sweet too. I really wish they wouldn't give them sweets tbh. My son now thinks I should always reward him with sweets.

one minute it is patronising of the school to assume these 'working class' folks won't stop smoking... then a few people stating that these people feed their kids junk food every day - how the hell would any of us know what people feed their kids.

I have a 5 month old and seriously hope I don't end up worrying about crap like sweets on birthdays when he's at school.

Bobbledunk, sweets once a week with a good diet the rest of the time will really not make a child obese and develop diabetes. People who eat sweets once a week do not have rotting teeth.
Seriously, my sisters and I were always allowed sweets as a treat and we are all size 8-10 healthy adults with no interest in sweet foods now because they weren't built up to be some big massive forbidden thing. I know plenty of my friends however put on about two stone at uni as soon as they were allowed to eat whatever they liked... I'm just saying not giving your child sweets on someone's birthday is not going to make a difference to their overall health and prevent diabetes, and just makes you seem petty.

I agree with that squeaky I grew up in the 70's too, but things have changed. Kids don't/can't have the same freedom anymore to play out.

Also, when I was little, we didn't get sweets given to us at school. It was a once a week thing(like you say penny sweets).

My son goes to tennis coaching in a group on a Saturday, and they are given a bag of sweets to take home! WHY???????!!!!!!!!!

I know term time seems long but remember you get 13 weeks holiday when you can withhold all sweets. A lot of children don't have parties so celebrating at school by handing out sweets and being special for 5 minutes is a big thing for them.

Is the head a smoker (or have parents/close family/friends that are smokers) and therefore not want to ban it as they want to nip out themselves? Or are they scared of this particular set of mums?

More likely that they respect that an adult has the right to carry out a legal activity in a public place.