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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give ds a drink?

314 replies

BonkeyMollocks · 18/04/2012 20:37

Ds (4) is currently shouting from his bed that he wants a drink.

He has been offered water twice, which he has refused because he wants juice.

Apparently he is thirsty and now he wants daddy because daddy is normally a soft touch. I have banned daddy from speaking to him or going in there, because it will end with dh giving him juice just to shut him up, therefore making him not listen to me in the future and he will do it every night.

I am in a really shitty mood anyway and its not helping but dh thinks I should just give him some juice.
I think we should sit it out and let him cry it out.

He also did the same thing last night, he went to sleep eventually after 2 hours :(
AIBU to ignore him?

OP posts:
sheeplikessleep · 19/04/2012 09:11

YANBU.
DS1 is 4 and a half. No way would he have juice before bedtime. He has a bottle of water.
But TBH, he doesn't really get the option of juice in the day either, unless we are out somewhere Grin

sheeplikessleep · 19/04/2012 09:12

There are some things I am inconsistent about and others I stick to my guns.

Thinking about it, the things I am inconsistent about are the things he whines about most.

ll31 · 19/04/2012 09:15

water - apart from principle of it if you give him juice you'll also hve to get him up to brush teeth again.. therefore stretching the whole staying awake thing!

halcyondays · 19/04/2012 09:46

We have a book, which used to be a favourite of dd1's, it's about a kitten that keeps finding "just one more" reason to delay bedtime, she has to fit one more piece in her jigsaw, look out the window, go to the toilet again, have a drink of water etc. It's what kids do.

I am inconsistent about a lot of things, but I wouldn't give juice after teeth brushing.

AngryBeaver · 19/04/2012 09:55

Juice? No chance,matey. Her's some water (leave it at bedside) if you're thirsty you'll drink it.Nitey nite (exit)....is how it would go down in AB's place Smile

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 10:05

'No chance matey' Grin

SmethwickBelle · 19/04/2012 10:16

^"The witch at the window's a curtain
The story for teddy's been read
That you are not thirsty I'm certain
Please stay the whole night in your bed"^

That was from an (Ahlberg??) story book I had as a child and I recite it to DS1 on occasion!

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 10:29

5madthings
I wasn't being patronising about Easily's statement. But anyone who has an older child knows that there are some things that you think you will be strict with when the child is 4 mths old, that you realise later is just not worth the hassle later.

As I said, I would not do this every day, but an occasional "giving in" is fine.

Parenting shouldn't be a constant battle, a fight never to let them win.

EasilyBored · 19/04/2012 10:56

MmeLindor Am fully aware that things you thought you would do, sometimes don't end up happening, but I do think that not giving into screaming demands is a battle worth fighting. If they were discussing it and being reasonable, then maybe I would give in, if they understood it was a one off. That doesn't sound like it's the case here though.

Bogeyface · 19/04/2012 10:58

It doesn't automatically follow that they will take and inch then want a mile.

Thats is the most naive thing I have ever read and I will see you over on the teen boards in a few years :o

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 19/04/2012 11:05

Give him water and tell him that you dont negotiate with terrorists Grin

Bogeyface · 19/04/2012 11:06

:o

diddl · 19/04/2012 11:12

What would the compromise be?

Water with 1 or 2 drops of juice?

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 11:18

NO the compromise in this house would be "Tomorrow you can have juice BEFORE bedtime and teeth cleaning if you want it."

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 11:18

Not sure why my 'no' cam out so forceful there Grin

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 11:18

came

ffs!

Moominsarescary · 19/04/2012 11:36

Agree with bogey

Also who tries to reason with a 4 year old having a tantrum, if they understood reason and compromise they wouldn't be screaming about juice over water.

Reasoned discussion and sometimes compromise comes years later.

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 11:51

No, the reasoning comes BEFORE the tantrum.

If you let it get to the tantrum stage then there is no backing down. You need to stop it getting to that far.

And LOL at seeing me on the teen boards in a few years time.

My kids are individuals with ideas and minds of their own. I accept that there are going to be battles ahead, but they will be important battles, like taking drugs and staying in school. Not what trainers they wear and if they are allowed to dye their hair blue.

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 11:51

Bogey
and LOLOL again at me being naive.

Patronising, much?

dreamingbohemian · 19/04/2012 11:59

I totally agree with MmeLindor

I also think people are over-focusing on the means rather than the ends.

If I was in the OP's situation, I would have given the juice before there was any shouting or screaming. I then would have conveniently been out of juice for the next week, so it couldn't become a habit.

Same outcome: no juice. But without the big battle of wills which, even if you win, is not going to save you from teenage stroppiness in ten years.

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 12:09

Ime reasoning goes out of the window at bedtime due to tiredness so no point.

Moominsarescary · 19/04/2012 12:14

The reasoning before the tantrum was no your not having juice at this time, you can have water.

Moominsarescary · 19/04/2012 12:17

It's not about what trainers they wear, it's about not giving into them or they will be wanting a new pair every month.

As for dyeing their hair blue, you will find the school will send them home

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 12:20

Scenario 1:

8pm
DS: Muuuuuuuuuuuuuum, I want juice.
OP: You have already cleaned your teeth. If you have juice you will have to get up and clean them again, and you are already snuggled up in bed. Can you be bothered to get up? If not, you can have water.

Sleeps

Scenario 2:

8pm
DS: Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, I want juice.
OP: No, you have already cleaned your teeth so you can't have juice. You can have water
DS: Don't want water. Want juice
OP: No juice after teeth have been cleaned. If you are thirsty you can have juice
...

8pm
DS: Muuuuuuuuuuuuum, I really really want juice...

and so on for 2 hours.

With the first scenario you are giving DS an option. With the second, it is straight into confrontation.

Note that first version doesn't include the word "No".

Anyone interested in this kind of parenting should have a look at How to Talk So Kids Will Listen - it is a great book. I don't do everything as they say, but have adapted my parenting a lot.

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 12:21

Even cleaning teeth after drinking juice is not a good idea as you are rubbing the acid into the teeth, you are meant to leave it at least 20 mins, so it would still be a 'no' from me Grin

Sorry mme Grin