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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give ds a drink?

314 replies

BonkeyMollocks · 18/04/2012 20:37

Ds (4) is currently shouting from his bed that he wants a drink.

He has been offered water twice, which he has refused because he wants juice.

Apparently he is thirsty and now he wants daddy because daddy is normally a soft touch. I have banned daddy from speaking to him or going in there, because it will end with dh giving him juice just to shut him up, therefore making him not listen to me in the future and he will do it every night.

I am in a really shitty mood anyway and its not helping but dh thinks I should just give him some juice.
I think we should sit it out and let him cry it out.

He also did the same thing last night, he went to sleep eventually after 2 hours :(
AIBU to ignore him?

OP posts:

5madthings · 19/04/2012 13:31

mmelindor i know you werent being patronising and i KNOW easily will be well aware which battles are worth fighting and which arent, plus as i said she has my excellent parenting to copy

my eldest is at high school and will officially be a teen this summer and we have noticed changes, and yes it will be a case of choosing battles,i would agree over dying hair blue, i did it myself as a teen i think thats fine tho school rules would mean it would have to be during the summer holidays, our recent one with ds1 has been showers and his ability to 'forget' to shower, he now knows he must have one at least eveyr other day. he has long hair (his choice) and we simply said to him if he wants to keep it long then he needs to look after it, that means showering and washing it, it is very thick and because of his age gets greasy and messy if not washed often, we said IF he didnt shower and wash we woudl book an appointment at the hairdressers to get it cut short. so now i say 'do you need a shower today' and he goes off after dinner or first thing in the morning, no moaning, any moaning is met with a look that reminds him of the deal we made.

tantrums dont get you anywhere in my house, in a small child i will offer them comfort and help them calm down as they simply arent in control of their emotions and i am not a fan oc cc, or cio (dp and i personally just couldnt do it) but they wont get anywhere with continued whining or screaming, no is no in this house,i dont actually say it all that often there are plenty of things i am willing to negotiate on, i wouldnt say i am overly strict, but manners, politeness, being kind to each other, basiscally treating others as you want to be treated yourselves are a given as is bedtime! i may negotiate in advance that they can stay up and watch a film etc on a non school night but whinging and tantrums wanting to delay bedtime are not going to get anywhere!

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 13:34

And it can be part of the deal, that this is a one off situation. "DS, you know that you are not normally allowed juice before bedtime but I will make an exception today. Tomorrow there will be no juice, just water"

Ime most 4 year olds would think once they have the juice they will ask for an extra story/play/5 mins reading etc etc.

No, no and thrice no, it's time for bed, not on your nelly, no way matey,you must be kidding etc etc

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 13:35

5madthings
You sound very much like me actually. As that is how I would deal with a non-showerer. DS is getting like that, actually.

My method is not about giving in to whiny tantrums. It is stopping it becoming a whiny tantrum.

DS does still have a strop occasionally and gets thoroughly ignored. It doesn't happen very often though cause I have learned how to head it off before it gets to that stage.

And, yes. My rule is no TV till you are ready for school, but it doesn't stop them trying it on :)

halcyondays · 19/04/2012 13:35

Then you are lucky if they go to bed without any hassle and always have. But lots of children do fight against bedtime, because they would rather do something more fun. Naturally they would rather stay up and play, watch TV etc, but as a parent, you know that they need to get up or school in the morning and that if they don't get enough sleep, they will be tired and grumpy. So you try to get them to bed at a decent hour most of the time and nip any stalling tactics in the bud.

halcyondays · 19/04/2012 13:36

If they are hungry 20 mins before dinner, they can have a carrot or some olives.

5madthings · 19/04/2012 13:38

i would simply have said you can have water now and juice in the morning with your bfast, i agree you dont have to say the word no, as i have said i dont say it that often, so when my kids come in from school and want to go on the xbox i say "YES you can have 40 mins on the xbox after you have got changed and done your homework"

i agree there is a lot in the language of how you speak to children, but essentially you still mean NO or at least not now, its just said in a different way, such as the apple after dinner, the phrase, we are about to have dinner but you can have it after dinner is one used OFTEN in this house!

just last week ds4 wanted a kinder egg as i was serving up dinner, i said its dinner time now but after dinner you can have a kinder egg yes.

he sat at the table for 40mins arms folded and refusing to so much as pick up a fork! as he wanted the kinder egg, he didnt eat any dinner, and he didnt get a kinder egg! he is 4 and whilst i wouldnt insist he cleared his plate he does at least have to make an attempt to eat dinner and i wasnt going to give in to his sulking and demands for a kinder egg, he went to bed having eaten nothing, that was his choice.

last night he wanted a muller rice, again just as i was serving out dinner, so again i said you can have the muller rice after dinner, he sat and ate his dinner and then got a muller rice, simples.

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 13:39

I am not lucky that they go to bed without a hassle. It has taken a lot of work to get them this far. :)

I am not totally lax with them and bedtimes are bedtimes, and always have been.

We had awful time with DS when he was about 2yo and I had to crack down and be stricter, but since then they have been fine and they know that they are not allowed to get up.

They will be 8yo and 10yo this year and share a room at present. They chat and giggle when they are in their bed, but I allow for a bit of that and they are still getting enough sleep.

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 13:40

5madthings
Ha. Your DS sounds like mine. He can be sooo stubborn.

5madthings · 19/04/2012 13:47

yes ds4 is incredibly stubborn,i am more so tho he is no 4 and my rules for mealtimes have always been the same, we all sit at the table to eat together and you have what is made ,i am not one for pandering to fussy eating etc, either eat whats on offer or go hungry, i will ignore whinging and demands for different food etc and i dont make it into a battle, we sit together and if they eat great, if they dont its simply ignored, they are the ones that will go to bed hungry not me!

they all help in shopping, preparation, cooking etc and so are involved in helping ot decide what we eat, so they know some meals are their favourites, some they might not like so much but its swings and roundabouts and they eat what is on offer and i HAVE dealt with fussy eaters, ds2 was a nightmare for a while but we perservered, ignored the fussing and food refusal etc and we have had similar with ds4, who is much more stubborn actually, but is getting there and he knows if he doesnt eat his dinner then there is nothing else.

so at bedtime if he wanted juice i would say he could have water and then juice with his bfast in the morning.

but if i said you can have juice if you clean your teeth again afterwards, i know i would more than likely just meet with a battle over the teeth cleaning so i would say he could have juice with bfast rather than go down that route.

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 14:08

My ds has long hair too - we have the same deal, keep it clean or off it comes!

5madthings · 19/04/2012 14:12

we are evil mothers

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 14:27

They will thank us one day

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/04/2012 14:32

Evil mothers of the world unite

I admire all of you guys, and I hope when it is my turn to have the sullen stroppy teenagers I am as calm and straightforward about it as you are!

Moominsarescary · 19/04/2012 14:47

Ds2 spent an hour and a half sat on his bed until school time the first time he was told there would be no tv until he had a shower. He doesn't have long hair but he has a very sweaty head

5madthings · 19/04/2012 15:03

how old was he moomins?

Debsbear · 19/04/2012 15:06

I'd stick with water and tomorrow night point out that his last chance to have a drink of juice is before he cleans his teeth so he should make the most it then. I have to admit to being a bit disappointed with this thread, I thought it was about alcohol!!

amicissimma · 19/04/2012 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moominsarescary · 19/04/2012 15:32

Probably about 6, before that he loved baths/showers. Ds1 was the same but now he's 17 you can't get him out of the bathroom.

halcyondays · 19/04/2012 15:47

Didn't know that eating a raw carrot before dinner could lead to obesity. Actually eating little and often can make it easier to maintain a healthy weight than sticking rigidly to mealtimes. I snack if I'm hungry and am a healthy weight.

5madthings · 19/04/2012 15:48

well its different depending on the child but if my ds3 who is 7 refuses a bath or a shower then i can still physically lift him up and put him in the bath and shower him down! its hard tho when you have a number of children and you are inevitably in a rush to get out the door for school! so baths/showers tend to be done in the evening in our house.

i have hopes that one day ds1 will like to shower.... and ds2 as well actually he hates it but is made to shower or bath on a regular basis, he does a lot of sport and would be covered in mud and stink and still not want a shower!

sheeplikessleep · 19/04/2012 15:50

Acicissima - I give DS1 and DS2 a carrot stick or cucumber stick or a few mini-breadsticks if they are nearly at dinner time and about to have meltdown.

I really don't think a carrot stick before dinner is the reason for the country's obesity epidemic!! I think taking the edge of hunger can possibly stop over-eating at dinner time?

diddl · 19/04/2012 15:55

"I think taking the edge of hunger can possibly stop over-eating at dinner time?"

Well I think that may be the thing-people snack & still eat big portions at mealtimes-and don´t get enough exercise for this.

sheeplikessleep · 19/04/2012 16:00

I agree that over-eating at meal times is a cause and too many calories in 24 hours is the problem, as is chronic lack of exercise in this country.

I don't think a small snack (and I'm not talking Mars bars!) is the problem. I wouldn't expect my 2 year old to go 5 hours between meals, without anything in between.

5madthings · 19/04/2012 16:09

no i dont expect my toddler to go that long between meals, they have snacks inbetween, fruit, rice cakes, a scone etc but if its 20 mins until a meal and they have had a snack in the last hour or so, then yes they can wait!

5madthings · 19/04/2012 16:11

but if they did ask i would usually say its dinner time very soon, perhaps show them on a clock if htey are getting to the age of understanding that and then i would involve them is say setting the table etc to distract them. you can distract as well as say no, or simply say 'you can have whatever once you ahve had dinner, which will be in 20 mins, we can all have dinner sooner if you help lay the table, can you put the cuttlery out etc'

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