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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give ds a drink?

314 replies

BonkeyMollocks · 18/04/2012 20:37

Ds (4) is currently shouting from his bed that he wants a drink.

He has been offered water twice, which he has refused because he wants juice.

Apparently he is thirsty and now he wants daddy because daddy is normally a soft touch. I have banned daddy from speaking to him or going in there, because it will end with dh giving him juice just to shut him up, therefore making him not listen to me in the future and he will do it every night.

I am in a really shitty mood anyway and its not helping but dh thinks I should just give him some juice.
I think we should sit it out and let him cry it out.

He also did the same thing last night, he went to sleep eventually after 2 hours :(
AIBU to ignore him?

OP posts:
booge · 19/04/2012 00:22

Juice even dilute is sugary and softens enamel for a while after drinking. You shouldn't brush teeth straight after anything sugary as it can actually be worse for your teeth than holding off for a bit. My mum used to give me juice at night and I have a mouth full of fillings and crowns. So yanbu at all IMO to insist on water

Mspontipine · 19/04/2012 00:24

Juice? Juuuice?? JUUUUICE?????

No way!!! YANU at all.

fluffypillow · 19/04/2012 00:25

canitmaybe I am still b'fing my dd at 15 months, and I'm sure it's not doing her teeth any harm either!

ComposHat · 19/04/2012 00:27

He's not thirsty, if he was he'd have drunk the water. He's trying it on and if he gets the glass of fucking juice tonight, he'll get the message that he only has to scream long and loud enough to get whatever you want. Next night it will be a strop thrown for something else.

Before long you'll be running up the stairs with a fish supper for him to eat before bed.

Good luck, stand firm!

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 00:31

I agree with Usual and I don't think she was spoiling for a fight. In fact, she stayed calm and measured even when many many posters were being quite rude to her.

I am in the "pick your battles" camp with things like this.

Moominsarescary · 19/04/2012 00:45

Agree with compos and before you know it they will be teenagers going on and on about wanting to stay out late/ have a new pair of trainers.

As they will know if they carry on enough you will probably give in.

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 00:49

moomin
hate to say this but that is normal teenage behaviour and has nothing to do with juice or water before bed.

And teenage rebellion seems to be strongest when parents were very inflexible (at least going by the friends I had when I was a teen)

seeker · 19/04/2012 01:15

I'm really torn over this one. I agree that once you've said "only water after teeth cleaning" then you should stick to it.

However, I'm also a great fan of compromise and treating children like rational beings. So maybe the thing would be after the first few yells- once you realised this was a big deal was to say "OK- if you have juice you need to clean your teeth again- or you can have water and stay in bed."

I think I would avoid a two hour stand off. I always think there's a reason behind children's behaviour. So if he's wanting juice for two hours- what. Is juice representing for him?

HolyLentenPromiseBatman · 19/04/2012 01:17

It's representing delaying bedtime I would think.

ComposHat · 19/04/2012 01:24

But seeker he isn't acting in a rational way and shouldn't be treated as such. He is behaving like a thwarted child, which is what he is.

If he gets the opportunity to get out of bed ostensibly to brush his teeth, do you really think he'll go back to bed quietly, given this whole carry on is an attempt to delay bedtime?

Aribura · 19/04/2012 02:08

Please don't send your kids to bed with juice! If you saw an example of the damage it can cause, I promise you that you wouldn't. :(

Bogeyface · 19/04/2012 02:12

When DD1 was 3 (ish) I went back to work. I used to come back at 9-10 depending on the shift and she would still be awake and he would be in there with her.

I finished my contract and took over again but the rot had already set in and for almost a year after that it took 3 hours to get her to sleep. Every.single.night.

First its juice.
then its a cuddle
then its a wee
then its another cuddle
then its monsters
then its the blankets not being straight
then its teddy
then another cuddle.........

You see where I am going with this?

Her daytime tantrums increased too, because I wouldnt give in. She did used to say "I hate you, I want daddy, daddy gives me juice/teddy/another story......" He of course maintained that it was my fault for being horrible to her and not giving her what she wanted, not his for giving in to every last request, for a quiet life, except that i cant see how that was better than sticking it out for a week! I split up with him not long after!

I made sure that I didnt ever go back on my word with her younger siblings and, call it conincidence if you like, but they never had anywhere near as many tantrums.....funny that Hmm

It is NEVER EVER EVER about the juice.

Bogeyface · 19/04/2012 02:15

Oh and as a mother of 6, one adult, one teen, one tween, two infant school agers and a baby, yes I would say I am an expert :o

Moominsarescary · 19/04/2012 07:13

mmn I have a teenager, my mum and his dad are the only ones who have to put up with him stropping for hours when he wants something as he knows they have always given in to him if he goes on enough.

He doesn't do it with me because he knows if I tell him no I mean no.

PorkyandBess · 19/04/2012 07:28

Juice? At bedtime!

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 08:07

Am with Seeker on this.

As a one off, I would reach a compromise. At 4yo he is old enough to be told, "This is just tonight. You have a drink of juice, clean your teeth then off to bed. Tomorrow have your juice before teeth cleaning and then there is no more".

It doesn't automatically follow that they will take and inch then want a mile.

My DC are (almost) 10yo, and 7yo and are very well behaved and know their boundaries, but they also know that there is room for negotiation on some things and none on others.

Keeping dialogue open is more important than laying down the law.

EasilyBored · 19/04/2012 08:14

Wow, I must be a total cow, but hell no he can't have any juice. If he's thirsty he can have water, and he can have juice in the morning. If you give in to the demand all it teaches him is that if he screams for 10 more minutes, mummy will cave in and give him what he wants. Screaming and tantruming will get you no where in my house. (I say that with all the glowy smugness of a woman who's DS is 4 months old. Sorry!)

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 08:20

It's never about the juice.

Tomorrow it will be milk, and the next something else.

I also pick my battles but only water after teeth cleaning.

halcyondays · 19/04/2012 08:21

It is never just a one off ime. If you let them have juice once they would keep asking for it once they're in bed. Mine went through a stage where they'd claim to be hungry once they were in bed and I gave them a slice of bread one night, and of course they keep asking for it every night, after they were in bed. It was funny how they were never hungry until after they'd cleaned their teeth and were in bed.Hmm

MmeLindor. · 19/04/2012 08:22

Easily
sorry, but lol at you. When my first was 4mths old, I would have said that too. Which is not to say you will change in time, but you might.

I am not saying anyone who would let him cry or complain for 2 hours is a bad mother, or that my way is the right way. This is the way I did it and it worked for me.

There is also a huge difference between a 2 - 3yo and a 4-5yo imo. As the DC have gotten older, I have become more amenable to compromise and they have learned how to put their case to me.

DH said once, "You have to let them win sometimes, otherwise they never know how it feels to have argued for their position and have been able to talk you around".

Moominsarescary · 19/04/2012 08:42

A 4 year old does not need to learn how to argue their position over a glass of juice after bed time when they have been offered a drink of water

Mrsjay · 19/04/2012 08:51

Im glad you didnt give in OP yes its about picking battles but its also not about surendering and waving the white flag imo Grin and moomin no i never give in to my teenagers demands about trainers or anything else , no i wont give in for a quiet life I do not believe children are happy when parents give in they just push and push for more , children need boundries ime , yes of course its about picking battles but giving in is much much different IMO ,

5madthings · 19/04/2012 08:56

*It's never about the juice.

Tomorrow it will be milk, and the next something else.

I also pick my battles but only water after teeth cleaning.
*

what valium said, in this house it would have been the water and nothing else, if they were upset they would get a cuddle and quick chat til they calmed down as i dont like them going to bed upset, but i would not have given in to the juice.

and easily may only have a 4mth old but i am pretty sure she means what she says and will stick to it as someone that knows her, plus she has my exemplary parenting as an example to learn from Wink Grin

seeker · 19/04/2012 09:05

I still think it's nice to say "Oh, go on then just this once" sometimes!

valiumredhead · 19/04/2012 09:10

Of course it is seeker but I imagine the OP's child was demanding rather than genuinely wanting some juice.