To think Im NOT expecting the world to 'revolve around me and mine'?

[WhiteTrash]

My mum has never said this in so many words, but I know her inside and out and I know this is what she thinks about me when we have family gatherings. It happens nearly every time, 2 short examples once my lovely nephew was having his first birthday and it was at a time that my then 2 year old would have gone down for a nap, I called my mum to discuss it, see if we could come to an arrangement that didnt involve an over tired 2 year old creating in the middle of a party and it ended up in a huge row after she basically said suck it up, deal with it its not about me and DS its about DB, DSIL and DN. Made me feel like a right cunt for trying to prevent a toddler melt down.

The next time was at Christmas, 20 weeks pregnant, had a bleed which ended up in a HUGE row, me crying my eyes out, her walking out. DP wasnt in the area, but obviously he came up and we went to hospital together, this is what my mum wanted, but I had originally asked if she would mind taking me simply because it was easier. I asked if she could drop me there and dp could meet me there (the logistics made sense) and she just went mental. Still to this day cant figure out how the eff that happened.

I love my mum I do, but the way she speaks to me in front of family is humiliating, its a condescending, frowning, reprimanding way that she used to use when I was 15. Again this has started in the last 2-3 years and I dont know why.

Fast forward to todays issue, I have an 11 month old baby who is anaphylactic to milk and eggs, and has various other milder food allergies. Its his birthday next month so we've arranged to have lots of family come over for a BBQ, this is set and happening provided the weather is nice. My older brother and his wife, both of which I adore are having a baby any day now, so there will be a very young baby there. I suddenly thought last night, shit, what if the baby is bottle fed? We have a very strict 'no allergens in the house' rule as this needs to be the only place in the world that is safe for the baby.

I cant expect her to stay outside with the baby all day, what if it gets chilly. What if it hurls everywhere? What if it doesnt all get cleared up and the baby bum suffles through some? What if they heat a bottle up, test in on their arm and drops get on the floor (my friends bottle did this recently, but it was soya milk so didnt matter). I cant expect everyone to be watching out for a hurling baby, I want everyone to relax, I dont want to be paranoid about there being sick/milk somewhere in the house for days after they go. The sick will dry but a drooly wet baby hand would wet and start it up again.

I really dont know wtf to do. If he gets any on him, we have adrenalin shots for him but that means an ambulance and over night stay in hospital, pretty shitty birthday.

She may well breastfeed, but she combine fed her first baby from the off so we cant guarantee that. And right now I need to assume its bottle fed so I can decide how to go about this.

I text my mum and she said 'She'll breastfeed' I text back saying 'But XXX was combine fed from the start' and Ive got nothing back. I know for a fact shes thinking 'Oh heeere we go!' and I just cant be fucked to have her make me feel like a cunt again for protecting my baby.

Sorry this is really long, AIBU here?

I really, really want to see my brother and his family, I dont get to see them enough we live a few hours away from all our family. But I dont want to risk my babys health either.

Stick it up again LeQueen

LeQueen I agree with you. I don't agree with what you wrote but agree it didn't seem to break any guidelines.

However this thread has bought me my first deletion, my first stalker person intent on trying to wind me up and a great chance to sound off about living with an anaphylatic child. And I still do not know how to be sensible and hide a thread.

I was deleted too. I dont know why

Unless its because I mentioned Jeremy Kyle....

You wanted a bunfight and you wish. I wasn't the one who got deleted.

Dials thanks, I guess it's just ones of those threads though - emotive threads can often go tit's up. DS did food tasting at school today and despite the extensive cautiousness I suspect thats the root cause of tonights fiasco.

Very well said, Jajas.

YANBU about the hospital but YABU about the nephews party (you just can't expect someone to organise their party around your sons naps!- come on!)

You are also being paranoid about someone possibly formula feeding a baby in the house

Apocolypse, I dont think my fretting on mumsnet is going to cause my child to become a 'neurotic freak show' as you so wonderfully put. You cannot assume you know how I act when my son is having an allerguc reaction. Hes had them every day for the last three days, as far as hes concerned he gets given medicine, lunch then a nap as usual. I then cone on here (allergy bored anyway) and explode 'shit this is whats happening Im really worried can anyone help??'

People are assuming Im a crying, panic attack(ing), hyperventilating, floor scrubbing weirdo are very, very wrong.

Yes I worry, yes I am anxious but believe me its very self contained.

I did question in this thread at one point whether my sons did witness anything but they truly dont. The eldest hasnt even witnessed me crying during this hell of a time we've had. The baby has, but I defy any mother not to shed a tear when their child nearly dies.

*board.

Whitetrash, is the baby on antihistamines? Do you have them to hand? It's just it seems to me that these allergies should be being better controlled than they are. I have a severely allergic child and I think we've been much better managed over the years than you seem to be. The baby shouldn't be having constant reactions to stuff; it should be under better control.

Sorry if this has been answered, it's a long thread! But I would push and push for some decent allergy management.

It's terrifying at this age, but I wanted to reassure you you will get through it. :) My DD1 was allergic to milk at this age, on soya, just like yours. She also reacted to so many other things it was untrue. She did eventually grow out of lots of them. She is still very severely allergic to peanuts, allergic to penicillin, chestnuts and slightly to bananas, hazelnuts and a whole host of other airborne allergens. Milk you often do grow out of, so there may be light at the end of the tunnel. DD1 is now stuck with her peanut allergy for life . She's gone into anaphylactic shock a few times and had so many nasty reactions to stuff I've lost count.

But she has got to 16 :) and I had times I truly thought she wouldn't. It's still very scary, though. At this age you get the problem that they themselves are so blase over it that they go out without epipens. Console yourself with the fact that at least you still have some control over this sort of stuff!

It will slightly affect your other children's diets, but that can't be helped. DD2 is vegetarian and needs to eat much more in the way of nuts than she is able to. But when we are alone and out she gets them, so you can work round it.

As for the rest, I would go through your mother less over such things. YWNBU over the bleed. But stuff like nap times etc etc I would be making less of an issue of and just attend when it suits me, do these things in my own quiet way. Try not to sweat the small stuff. it sounds as though you have too much big stuff in your life to be worrying about disturbing a nap.

white trash. I really don't think yabu. Especially given the party thing was only moving when you left. Wanting to talk things over with your mother, is to me at least, entirely natural. I simply cannot imagine what you are going through.

You have dealt with the appalling, ignorant and downright rude comments you have received with amazing grace. I take my hat off to you.

Good luck for the future and I hope your baby's allergies become more managable and .

There should have been an understood in there somewhere. Oh well

OP, it sounds like you have a wonderful way of making potentially simple situations into dramatic problems without even meaning to.

re the party you could simply have called your brother and asked if there was somewhere your child could nap or if it would be better to just shift nap time a bit for that day. No problem. No drama. No Mum involvement.

re milk-gate, you could simply call your SIL and have a chat with her and find out whether you need to plan for milky issues or not rather than hypothesising wildly and venting your worst-first-thoughts to your Mum.

Since you note that these instances are just examples in a broader pattern, I'm assuming your Mum has learnt to assume your are over-dramatising and this might have affected her reaction to your situation at Christmas. (although she was UR not to help you regardless).

If, as these situations arise, you stop and think of the most simple and drama free way of addressing the situation and then deal with it without involving your Mum, you may well find her perception of you will change.

I find it impossible to understand how parents cannot even try to understand the OP's anxiety.

Even if it has never happened to you , can you not imagine what seeing your child have a life threatening reaction does to you?

People with children with chronic illnesses/life threatening conditions are expected to be stoical and 'get on with it'.

There seems to be more sympathy for those whose children have a one off accident/incident.

What is that about? When your life is one 'accident/incident' after another why are you supposed to be the picture of serenity?

I totally agree MrsDV And I'm also very saddened that it appears from your post people expected you to 'get on with it' when your DD was ill.