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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist that DH takes tomorrow off

248 replies

iyoul · 15/04/2012 21:30

Have namechanged because I'm embarassed by the immaturity of this
DS doesn't go back to school until Tuesday so I'd asked my brother and sister who are both back from university at the moment to look after them. My brother and sister are both Tottenham supporters whilst DH is a Chelsea fan (I couldn't care less). We went to the pub to watch the game with a few of DH's friends as well. DH's team won and after it ended he started goading them even called them a couple of cunts.
They decided to leave and him and one of his friends suggested that they were off to make love to each other because that is what Tottenham fans do apparently, I briefly said see you tomorrow and my sister said fuck that we're not going out of our way to help him. We now have no childcare for tomorrow, AIBU to say that DH should take the day off to deal with it as he has caused this problem.

OP posts:
Bohica · 16/04/2012 21:19

In what way is his seeking to make amends? I'm not being nasty I'm just asking a genuine question.

And yes you could have told him to stop going on or defended your DB & DS more but you didn't make your Dh behave the way he did and as Flip said, I don't think this will be or is a one off for you Sad

fedupofnamechanging · 16/04/2012 21:21

If it would truly be a financial hardship to lose a day's pay then he ought to have given up something else (like football and drinking in pubs) to make up for the loss of income. He still should have stayed home with the dc.

I get that you feel culpable too (and you are, to a degree) but the thing is, your husband can say he's sorry 'til he's blue in the face, but he hasn't suffered any consequences. You've bailed him out. There is nothing to dissuade him from doing something like this again.

Money aside, why should you jeopardise your career, by taking time off to cover his atrocious behaviour?

norfolkinchance · 16/04/2012 21:22

bisjo- Everyone has paid holidays but I don't think many peoples employers would allow someone to just call up on the day and say they were having it as holiday due to the obvious disruption this would cause.

paticker · 16/04/2012 21:23

If you're happy with the way this has played out then I suppose it would be churlish of me to complain to you about it, but I certainly wouldn't have done what you have in your position.

Bohica · 16/04/2012 21:32

bisjo we have 22 days paid holiday + 8 bank holidays.

It is very rare that we c give short notice holiday leave as absence needs to be covered but parents are allowed 3 off the top of my head unpaid emergency carers leave days per year.

iyoul have you spoken to your Db or DS yet? I hope you can build amends for your own benefit.

CurrySpice · 16/04/2012 21:32

Bisjo perhaps they've taken all their paid leave...

ShellyBoobs · 16/04/2012 21:35

bisjo - Conversely, why are you employed in a job which allows you to take a day's paid leave with zero notice?

There are very few jobs with that provision.

difficultpickle · 16/04/2012 21:36

If they had both used all their annual leave I would have thought the OP may have mentioned that. Just seems that she has taken the fall for her dh's dreadful behaviour and is now also saying she contributed to it by not doing more to stop it. Obviously her dh is an adult and is responsible for his own actions but it doesn't seem that the OP completely gets that.

redwineformethanks · 16/04/2012 21:46

Ah, iyoul, what happened to you? Your OP ended "We now have no childcare for tomorrow, AIBU to say that DH should take the day off to deal with it as he has caused this problem." but you took the day off? Ok he earns more than you, but if you / he can afford to go to football games and go out to the pub afterwards, then you're not on the breadline, right? So you took a day off work and probably earned a black mark at work, but your DH carried on as normal? Sorry, but that sounds like a rubbish outcome for you. I'm guessing your relationship is not happy in other ways, so I'm not giving you a hard time for this, but I think you've used the fact that you earn less as an excuse for covering up for him.

nolito · 17/04/2012 11:17

I can't believe you took the hit for him OP, all you have done is ensure that he gets away with behaving in this way towards your family. He has had to face no consequences for his action other than having to apolagise to your brother and sister which I hope he does ASAP. I'm still Shock that he suggested that they were incestous with each other and can't believe how lightly he's got off.

gnoll · 17/04/2012 11:30

So now he's been allowed to get away with it scott free, what are the odds that he does it again either to your siblings again or to other family members or friends as you have shown you are a soft touch and will not make him face the consequernces of his repugnant behaviour.

seeker · 17/04/2012 11:47

So you didn't challenge him on his behaviour at the time, so tacitly took his side against your siblings, and now you bail him out by taking the day off. Wow.

stifnstav · 17/04/2012 11:55

Doormat.

bruxeur · 17/04/2012 12:06

What is it about professional football that turns everyone associated with it into an utter cunt? We know that the players are racist, sexist, violent homophobic twats, but why do the fans have to imitate them as well as support them?

Metabilis3 · 17/04/2012 12:09

@bruxeur that is a disgraceful thing to say. Most of the players are none of those things you list. Most of the fans (and there are proper footy fans in this thread) are none of those things either. You on the other hand are quite rude.

bruxeur · 17/04/2012 12:12

Not so much disgraceful as true, really.

PooPooInMyToes · 17/04/2012 12:16

Id say its true in a some/a lot of cases although wouldn't make a sweeping judgment because i know people on mn shout at you for that! Grin

Metabilis3 · 17/04/2012 12:21

@bruxeur Not at all. Why not post about something that you know something about.

Metabilis3 · 17/04/2012 12:21

@poopooinmytoes Well, I don't like being called a 'cunt'. I'm funny that way.

bruxeur · 17/04/2012 12:22

Kind of proving the point, aren't you?

Tokamak · 17/04/2012 13:06

Football - bringing out the worst in people since 1850.

It's SAFC.

kickingKcurlyC · 17/04/2012 13:21

What a shame to see you solving your husband's problems for him OP, when he behaved like such an unpleasant idiot. He has pretty much got away with it scot free.

Er. He's lucky to have you, I suppose. Confused

Metabilis3 · 17/04/2012 13:33

@bruxeur um no. I haven't sworn at you, nor have I called you a rude name, nor have I labelled anyone else as something vile. All I have done is point out that your post was very rude and also clearly inaccurate. You have displayed either ignorance about football and football fans or malice disguised as ignorance. Whichever it is, it's not very nice.

PooPooInMyToes · 17/04/2012 13:42

Met. I don't agree that a sweeping statement is likely to be completely accurate as you can't tar everyone with the same brush, but it can't be denied that the things brux mentions in his or her post all exist within football. Sometimes to a shocking degree!

PooPooInMyToes · 17/04/2012 13:44

I mean . . . I do agree that a sweeping statement is likely to be inaccurate? Know I've confused myself Grin