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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to insist that DH takes tomorrow off

248 replies

iyoul · 15/04/2012 21:30

Have namechanged because I'm embarassed by the immaturity of this
DS doesn't go back to school until Tuesday so I'd asked my brother and sister who are both back from university at the moment to look after them. My brother and sister are both Tottenham supporters whilst DH is a Chelsea fan (I couldn't care less). We went to the pub to watch the game with a few of DH's friends as well. DH's team won and after it ended he started goading them even called them a couple of cunts.
They decided to leave and him and one of his friends suggested that they were off to make love to each other because that is what Tottenham fans do apparently, I briefly said see you tomorrow and my sister said fuck that we're not going out of our way to help him. We now have no childcare for tomorrow, AIBU to say that DH should take the day off to deal with it as he has caused this problem.

OP posts:

albertswearengen · 16/04/2012 09:47

My dh is a big football supporter- albeit a smallish club - but all his friends support different teams. If they watch a game together it really isn't the done thing to gloat about a victory and call your friends names. They take the piss out of the game, out of players, out of the ref but never out of each other. Anyone who steps over this line is never invited again. In general it's usually supporters of bigger clubs who get personal.
Your DH is an absolute moron and he should be apologise to your brother and sister. It's this type of nonsense that gives football supporters a bad name.

CrumpettyTree · 16/04/2012 09:53

Blimey. Your dh sounds like he has a smashing personality! [confused}

Mrsjay · 16/04/2012 09:56

Im just glad my husband is into rugby they dont even seperate fans at games and he supports scotland so he really cant take it that serious cos we are rubbish

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 10:01

mrsjay you wouldnt believe it, the transformation in grown men, from civilised, respectable, family men, to utter scum, and then back again.

Im sure there are some really interesting psychological aspects to it.

Spuddybean · 16/04/2012 10:05

Weeell i suppose it has to do with the dynamic of the group. My dad and his mates are football & rugby fans and they would say things like that to each other. But they would know who to say it to and who not to iyswim.

Chelsea fans on the other hand seem to think that they can say this stuff to anyone. I have had some really rude things said to me by Chelsea fans (i am a west ham fan), much worse than any others - even Millwall!

bohica i have always thought the collective noun for cunts was a gusset.

I hope you have sorted out your childcare OP and your DH is more than a little rueful.

Mrsjay · 16/04/2012 10:07

I think its the mob mentality doihavetonamechange tragic really , there was an scottish old firm game recently and respectable people swearing and throwing insults all over facebook , i did a lot of hiding that day ,

diddl · 16/04/2012 10:43

Blimey I´ve led a sheltered life-I would seriously be thinking about leaving him for that behaviour.

And I don´t blame the brother & sister either-why should he benefit from their free childcare when he thinks so little of them that he can even say such things at all-let alone not immediately apologise.

Hope he either found other childcare or took AL.

Clytaemnestra · 16/04/2012 10:58

DH is a massive Arsenal fan, from a large family of Arsenal fans. He says things about Tottenham fans in general which are extremely unpleasant. But he has a lot of friends who support all kinds of teams, including Tottenham, and although they'll tease, he wouldn't direct it at them as individuals IYSWIM. If someone was actually hurt he would be mortified (not just because some free childcare had disappeared)

You sat by while your DH and a group of his mates bullied and insulted your DBro and DSis. It sounds like there were a bit of a gang of older male Chelsea fans all mocking them and it sounds really unpleasant. And you seem a lot more worried about your childcare than about your Dbro and DSis's feelings.

How will you feel if your DC decide they like Tottenham? Happy for your DH and his mates to mock them and suggest they're fucking each other?

BlackOutTheSun · 16/04/2012 11:14

so you're dp was being a dick to your dbro and dsis, you just sat there and now you expect a favour???

diddl · 16/04/2012 11:26

It does sound horribly bullying on the part of the husband & his friends.

PooPooInMyToes · 16/04/2012 11:28

Isn't the title of this thread that the op thinks her husband should take the day off to look after the kids?

How is that expecting a favour?

hairylemon · 16/04/2012 11:31

Im on the fence on this one.

One one hand I can see why they flounced, but OTOH it does seem like they have thrown they toys out of the pram because their team lost and they got the piss took out of them a bit. Im of the opinion that if they cant handle some ribbing over a game of footy then they might be best not going out anywhere to watch it again.

I actually dont think you were in the wrong not to have said anything in this situation. They are adults and surely capable of telling your DH to put a sock in it themselves.

I think they are overreacting a hell of a lot and using a child to make a point which is a bit turd.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 16/04/2012 11:50

Am I then only person who would fine a group of people loudly inferring I was going home to fuck my brother offensive and not funny?

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/04/2012 11:51

hairylemon, why should they do a favour for someone who has called them cunts? I certainly wouldn't.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 16/04/2012 11:51

And that free childcare from siblings is not a right but a privilege?

ChaoticAngel · 16/04/2012 11:54

No, HotPink, you're not. There's a big difference between a bit of banter and offensive comments which calling someone an incestuous cunt is.

hairylemon · 16/04/2012 11:57

because they werent just doing the favour to him, they were doing it for their sister.

To call off something thats pretty important such as childcare with a days notice because you have been called a cunt in this context and had an obvious (bad taste) joke made about shagging your sibling is a bit drama queen.

Think it depends on how the relationship is usually, if relations between the DH and the bro / sis are strained anyway then I can see the issue. But if this was just an out of character episode for the DH and he was just acting like a knob then I think they have all took it too far.

diddl · 16/04/2012 12:02

"because they werent just doing the favour to him, they were doing it for their sister."

Doesn´t stop OP going to work as planned though, does it?

seeker · 16/04/2012 12:09

Jesus wept- do people really behave like this? I mean adult, grown up people with families and things?

And people are saying that the brother and sister are "throwing their toys out of the pram"? They were called a pair of cunts, they were told they were probably sleeping together. The OP did nothing to defend them- and somehow they are the unreasonable ones?

Nyac · 16/04/2012 12:12

I'm quite surprised this is being described as "normal" behaviour for football fans.

everlong · 16/04/2012 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/04/2012 12:16

Why should they do a favour for a sister who stood by and did nothing when they were being verbally abused (in very graphic terms) by her husband and his friends (so they were outnumbered too)? In the OP's own words - "I admit I didn't do anything and that I probably should have done something to get them to cut it out". Even her slight backtrack - " did ask them to stop but I accept I was not vociferous enough and that my see you tomorrow comment as they got up and left was ill-judged" - acknowledges that she let her brother and sister down. There's nothing drama queen about their reaction at all.

Spuddybean · 16/04/2012 12:19

NYAC really? it really is quite unsavoury in most pubs come a football match - especially if it's a rival team. one of chelseas chants:

In your Liverpool slums
You look in a dustbin for something to eat
You find a dead rat and you think it's a treat
In your Liverpool slums

In your Liverpool slums
Your mum's on the game and your dad's in the nick
You can't get a job 'cause your too fucking thick
In your Liverpool slums

In your Liverpool slums
You wear a shell suit and have got curly hair
All of your kids are in council care
In your Liverpool slums

In your Liverpool slums
There's piss on the pavement and shit on the path
You finger your grandma and think it's a laugh
In your Liverpool slums

hairylemon · 16/04/2012 12:22

I think everyone involved, apart from the OP, has been U, but the bro and sis more so for using childcare to make a point.

What if the DH cant get the day off? I know I wouldnt have been able to at such short notice, yes we are entitled to unpaid time off for family emergencies but if the company is anything like mine it just gets used against you at a later date. We like to think some companies are forward thinking but in reality a lot arent.

PooPooInMyToes · 16/04/2012 12:24

Gotpink. No you're not the only one. It would have made me feel ill and embarrassed. It was designed to humiliate.

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