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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist that DH takes tomorrow off

248 replies

iyoul · 15/04/2012 21:30

Have namechanged because I'm embarassed by the immaturity of this
DS doesn't go back to school until Tuesday so I'd asked my brother and sister who are both back from university at the moment to look after them. My brother and sister are both Tottenham supporters whilst DH is a Chelsea fan (I couldn't care less). We went to the pub to watch the game with a few of DH's friends as well. DH's team won and after it ended he started goading them even called them a couple of cunts.
They decided to leave and him and one of his friends suggested that they were off to make love to each other because that is what Tottenham fans do apparently, I briefly said see you tomorrow and my sister said fuck that we're not going out of our way to help him. We now have no childcare for tomorrow, AIBU to say that DH should take the day off to deal with it as he has caused this problem.

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingBunnies · 16/04/2012 12:27

Being called a cunt and being accused of incest isn't banter imo- it's more like bullying. By the sounds of it OP's cock of a husband was surrounded by his equally cockhead mates so therefore it's sounds like the brother and sister were ganged up on.

I don't blame OP's sister for saying no to babysitting- I bloody would too! Yes OP, leave your husband to deal with this mess and that includes a sincere apology to your brother and sister. If he has to take a day off unpaid, so be it. Maybe he'll think things through before behaving like a twat in future to people who were due to do him a big favour.

PooPooInMyToes · 16/04/2012 12:28

Spuddy. That chant!

It makes me even more amazed that my sister in law had a rant at me a while ago about how i should get my children into football to man them up a bit! What's masculine about that!

Clytaemnestra · 16/04/2012 12:28

"What if the DH cant get the day off?"

Why is that the DSis's problem? He's shown no respect to her - why should she care about him? It's got nothing to do with the children, they aren't going to be left to scavenge in bins for the day, someone will care for them, so they're not affected, only the parents.

I think there is a difference between chanting at a faceless crowd and saying directly to your SIL that she's probably shagging her brother.

Mama1980 · 16/04/2012 12:30

You are not being unreasonable his mess, he should sort it out-tbh he sounds a total idiot.

Ratbagcatbag · 16/04/2012 12:33

So who ended up having the day off then?

FWIW I support one local team and so does all my family and my DH and his family all support the main rivals, I've had a few jokes about us marrying and chants of Loser to the respective team is either direct from DH to DBro or the other way around, but he would never ever ever use that sort of language towards him, and I would kick his sorry backside if he did.
It's meant to be a fun game and enjoyable not an excuse to be a vile nasty bully.

hairylemon · 16/04/2012 12:37

Clytaemnestra - Theres also a difference between being pissed off and making it clear, and being pissed off and making it clear by dropping people in the shit wrt childcare.

Ive had this exact same situation, was due to babysit my DN so my bro and his gf could go out to see his son get some award for football. He pissed me off (owed me a lot of money, 'forgot' about it and then accused me of lying when I asked him about it so a bit worse than being called a cunt) but it never even crossed my mind to teach them a lesson by being childish and backing out of a favour I was doing both him and his gf. I just had it out with him another time.

Tiago · 16/04/2012 12:52

pink - I'm with you on this.

Clytaemnestra · 16/04/2012 12:54

"Theres also a difference between being pissed off and making it clear, and being pissed off and making it clear by dropping people in the shit wrt childcare."

It's just a more extreme way of making things clear. If I was meant to be doing a big favour for someone and they called me abusive names and told a group of people I was off home to have sex with my brother I would be furious. I wouldn't think "I'm furious but they really need my help so I'll just put up with the abuse so as not to let them down" I'd think that "they've attacked me, humiliated me - I don't owe them anything and I hope that they really struggle to get childcare, they should have thought of that before making it clear that they didn't care about my feelings at all"

PooPooInMyToes · 16/04/2012 12:54

Hairy. I just don't think i could be near someone who said that about me. Its not being childish, its not wanting to be near someone why would say something so horrible.

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 12:57

It sounds like drunken stuff that got out of hand and I have no doubt their is blame on both sides.

To the poster who said urgh to taking her children, in the family stand where I go, you cant make out any of the words, its all one big blur of noise and anyone misbehaving in the family stand quickly gets put down by the other supporters there.

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 12:59

article re chants

hairylemon · 16/04/2012 13:00

Maybe I'm thicker skinned because to me that's a very extreme and spiteful way of making a point, especially if relations are normally great (don't know if they are in ops case obv).

fedupofnamechanging · 16/04/2012 13:00

Hairylemon, being called a cunt and told you are probably having sex with your sibling is not less of an insult that being accused of lying. I think you should have backed out of the favour to your brother if he was calling you a liar. As it is, you were just letting him take the piss by being able to say whatever he wants to you (no matter how rude) and still rely on you for child care. You might as well have doormat stamped on your head.

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 13:01

and another

God I have never googled anything like this before, I went to the football for years and as I could never decipher the chants, I seriously didnt realise how offensive some of them were!!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/04/2012 13:05

hairylemon, I appreciate your stance, but you have taught your brother a lesson - you've taught him that there are no consequences to behaving badly towards you.

hairylemon · 16/04/2012 13:07

Lol karma. No I just didn't think that 'getting back' at my bro was worth letting his gf, his son and my dn down. Instead I was a bit mature about it and had a talk with him. Younger sis lecturing older bro had a more profound effect than acting like the child I was babysitting :)

hairylemon · 16/04/2012 13:10

Where - I guess you'll have to take my word for it that sometimes words actually speak louder than actions

Spuddybean · 16/04/2012 13:12

poo and doihave the chants are almost decipherable when you are actually at the matches tho (i have been happily oblivious). Sadly when you go to a pub to watch it there is often a knobsack who will sing/say something stupid.

Often Chelsea fans ime - even if chelsea aren't playing. Some of the things said during the West Ham/Liverpool cup final by chelsea fans in a family pub in wimbledon nearly made my nose bleed!

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/04/2012 13:15

I think, hairylemon, that you see the withdrawal of a previously-arranged favour as retaliation; in which case I would agree that that is not the right way to behave. But I cannot see it as retaliation - I see it instead as a refusal to be treated badly, and a stepping-back from the relationship until the other person makes amends.

doctordwt · 16/04/2012 13:16

'Your bro and sis are out of line refusing to mind your DS'

-on what fucking planet?! How many times on here do you hear that your mum, MIL etc. is in no way obliged to provide childcare? OP's siblings were DOING HER A FAVOUR THAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO. I am totally astonished at that attitude.

'Bro and sis were pissed off that their team lost so probably blame on both sides'

-err, no. Nowhere did OP say that. She described the situation as her DH and his friends starting to take the piss. Nowhere did she say that her bro and sis so much as opened their mouths. If they had, I'm sure she WOULD have said, it provides at least some explanation for her DH's shitty behaviour.

Hope OP's DH is currently at home with the DC, but somehow I don't think so.

seeker · 16/04/2012 13:25

I suppose the side people are choosing on this one depends a bit on whether they consider calling people cunts and suggesting that they are in an incestuous relationship as a normal part of everyday conversation. Call me an old fuddy duddy if you like but I don't and if my sister hadn't stood up for me in circumstances like this, I would be out of there. Possibly permanently.

doihavetonamechange · 16/04/2012 13:28

seeker, no I dont think its a part of normal every day behaviour, but I have spent enough time around football supporters to have an idea of what goes on, and that in black and white it looks worse than it probably was.

Strangely enough, my lovely kind DH, doesnt go to the football, whereas my twat wonderful ex does.

Spuddybean · 16/04/2012 13:38

seeker what some football fans say is nothing like what they would say 'as a normal part of everyday conversation'.

Still out of order, but in the heat of the match/banter it is different than over Sunday lunch.

CurrySpice · 16/04/2012 13:40

It's got nothing to do with football. It's to do with the OP's DH being an arse

seeker · 16/04/2012 13:45

"seeker what some football fans say is nothing like what they would say 'as a normal part of everyday conversation'.

Still out of order, but in the heat of the match/banter it is different than over Sunday lunch."

You think so? Seems to me it's when people show their true colours. And most unpleasant colours these seem to be. Once again, women making excuses for the appalling behaviour of men.