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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist that DH takes tomorrow off

248 replies

iyoul · 15/04/2012 21:30

Have namechanged because I'm embarassed by the immaturity of this
DS doesn't go back to school until Tuesday so I'd asked my brother and sister who are both back from university at the moment to look after them. My brother and sister are both Tottenham supporters whilst DH is a Chelsea fan (I couldn't care less). We went to the pub to watch the game with a few of DH's friends as well. DH's team won and after it ended he started goading them even called them a couple of cunts.
They decided to leave and him and one of his friends suggested that they were off to make love to each other because that is what Tottenham fans do apparently, I briefly said see you tomorrow and my sister said fuck that we're not going out of our way to help him. We now have no childcare for tomorrow, AIBU to say that DH should take the day off to deal with it as he has caused this problem.

OP posts:
stifnstav · 15/04/2012 22:54

I would do the same as bro and sis. If my BIL had called me that and joked about incest in such a public and obviously confrontational scenario and my Dsis just stood there and watched, i would be hugely annoyed, with both the Dsis and her husband.

For you to then say 'see you tomorrow' would be the final straw. It seems that you've been a bystander whilst your husband tried to humiliate them, so you seem to me to be just as in the wrong.

yerfes · 15/04/2012 22:55

Banter is part of supporting a football team there is no need to take it to heart and overreact like this? I think your siblings are being big babys and sore losers

BackforGood · 15/04/2012 22:56

I'm amazed that people actually think the brother and sister should put themselves out to help someone who thinks it's acceptable to behave like that towards them.

I like football. I enjoy all the banter and 'stick giving' that goes with one local team beating a rival team, but what the OP's dh did/said was not banter or 'friendly stick'. He needs to apologise hugely if he expects them to have anything to do with him again.
Agree with others OP who said leave for work early and leave him to sort out the mess he's created.

Oh, and I agree with poster who was being mocked for being honest, and saying that honest people (which I maintain is most of the population) don't take days off when they are perfectly well, and then lie to their colleagues and employers.

doctordwt · 15/04/2012 22:56

Hang on. The bro/sis team lost. They then...did nothing, as far as I can see. The DH, on the other hand, along with his mate, decided to have a completely unprovoked go at them, using foul language and ending up calling them incestuous. Because...err, his team won?

If I had been your sister, OP, you'd have a hard time getting me to step over your threshold again while he was in the house, never mind smile sweetly and turn up to spend the next day doing both of you a favour. In fact I'd have probably thrown a drink or two over him.

What did you say to this - to your husband treating your bro and sis like this? I hope you ripped him a new one.

Go out early and leave the DC with the stupid rude arrogant twat. And tell him he owes your family an apology. And quickly, or you're going to find a rift on your hands. There is no way I would be spoken to like that. No way.

Merrylegs · 15/04/2012 22:58

TBF Chelsea were lucky. The second goal wasn't actually a goal, also they should have been down to 10 men and it was left to Spurs to chase the game. I can't see why he is gloating tbh. He should be rather shamefaced about the 'victory' - instead he is crowing over an unfair score. However, is this the first time he has insulted your siblings or does he have a problem with them in general? He sounds quite the catch.

ilovesooty · 15/04/2012 23:01

BackforGood Thanks

I can't understand why the husband hasn't been on the phone or round to see them with a grovelling apology - the OP should be making him get that sorted if he hasn't decided to do it himself.

skybluepearl · 15/04/2012 23:03

Your hubby has to say sorry to your sis. not just a text.

GnomeDePlume · 15/04/2012 23:03

YANBU to say that your husband should sort out the mess that his vile behaviour has caused

YWBU to stand by and let your DH abuse your siblings without trying to stop him (I am assuming from your post that you didnt).

Your DS & DB were doing you and your DH a favour. They havent let you down, your DH has.

ENormaSnob · 15/04/2012 23:03

If they spend a lot of time together then the incestuous dig has more nasty and sinister undertone to it.

I wouldn't say that was gentle ribbing, it's downright malicious and offensive.

Did you not stick up for them at all?

aiton · 15/04/2012 23:04

Why don't you get him to apoligise or if it really comes to it why don't you apoligise for him? I don't understand why you just sat there and allowed your husband who sounds a bit of a twat to behave in this way towards your own family? Your see you tomorrow comment as if nothing had happened is also provocative considering what had happened previously. If you can't then you need to find some form of alternate arrangement.

McHappyPants2012 · 15/04/2012 23:06

sooty i have phoned in sick when I wasn't sick, couldn't afford to lose a days wage but i was at the hospital most of the night with my dd.

Original poster
iyoul · 15/04/2012 23:06

DH is now trying to phone them to apoligise but they aren't answering either of their phones. I admit I didn't do anything and that I probably should have done something to get them to cut it out

OP posts:
NarkedPuffin · 15/04/2012 23:07

What ENormaSnob said. This isn't 'banter', it's personal abuse.

NarkedPuffin · 15/04/2012 23:08

I don't blame them at all. If you sat there and said nothing, you were complicit.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 15/04/2012 23:09

I would be furious if my dh thought it appropriate to talk to any of my family members that way.

If he hasn't apologised or accepted he was out of order than I think it it fine of your siblings not to be in a situation where they have to see him.

Just because they are blood relatives does not mean they should turn the other cheek.

viul · 15/04/2012 23:11

Nothing they said to them I haven't heard being said in exchanges between rival fans, accusations of incest are fairly common in football chants so I think your siblings have gone majorly overboard in their reaction.

ilovesooty · 15/04/2012 23:12

McHappyPants if you'd been at the hospital most of the night and had no sleep I doubt you'd have been fit for work anyway.

McHappyPants2012 · 15/04/2012 23:14

yes, but as it is a child illness and not me i would not have been paid for it

Bohica · 15/04/2012 23:14

Did you defend your DB & DS when your DH called them cunts?

Your DH can take emergency carers leave tomorrow unpaid, pulling a sickie leaves you open if you are spotted playing in the park with DC........

ilovesooty · 15/04/2012 23:14

He should have got his arse round to them to apologise personally then. I must admit when I criticised them for putting you in a spot I hadn't realised you'd done nothing to stop his behaviour. Looks as though they've taken it pretty badly.

NarkedPuffin · 15/04/2012 23:15

accusations of incest are fairly common in football chants

Not so common in a pub, to your BIL and SIL, with your wife sitting next to you.

ilovesooty · 15/04/2012 23:16

Yes, but McHappyPants I think that's a justfied call on your part. Someone who's been up all night and has had no sleep is arguably unfit for work and can justify calling in sick on their own behalf.

ilovesooty · 15/04/2012 23:19

Your DH can take emergency carers leave tomorrow unpaid

Looks as though he'll have to do that.

maggio · 15/04/2012 23:19

LMAO this confirms all my beliefs about people who find watching 22 men kick a leather bag of air around a pitch for 90 minutes. I'm not sure what is worse the abuse your husband dished out or the selfish and callous way your brother and sister have left you up the creek, all because one team won and the other lost.

squeakytoy · 15/04/2012 23:23

Her brother and sister have not left her up the creek because their team lost ffs... they are refusing to do it because their own sister sat there saying nothing while a bunch of drunk bullies called them cunts and implied they were sleeping with each other.