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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

vegan mum at kids party was rude?

399 replies

DoozerDrift · 15/04/2012 20:42

Took DS to a young child's birthday party at soft play today, and there was a vegan mum with her DC there. When it came to cake time, there was no vegan cake, so the mum gave her DC a chocolate lollipop out of her bag.

OK, her DC seemed happy with the situation and asked to hosts to check what was and wasn't vegan. So no problem there I don't think (although I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll rebel and live on bacon sandwiches when they're old enough to ignore their mum!) Grin

BUT AIBU to think that taking separate treats to a party is A) rude to the hosts and B) unfair to the other children at the party who might prefer what the vegan DC are eating?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 16/04/2012 17:45

Considered not answering this, because of the obvious provocation, but OP, YABVVVVVVVVU. And clearly have started this thread as an anti-vegan tirade. This was none of your business, you had no right to start sending pointed emails to the party host, you should've kept your nose out of it. As for the 'no good reason' shit you alluded to up thread as to why the DCs of the vegan mum didn't have the cake, how is that your place to decide it's no good reason?!

The vegan mum did absolutely the right thing.

LesAnimaux · 16/04/2012 17:48

YABU.

MrsShortfuse · 16/04/2012 17:49

Soup, it's not that the child 'cannot eat it' in the case of veganism is it, it is that the mother thinks he shouldn't.

Whatmeworry · 16/04/2012 17:52

Perhaps if you didn't want to be a "rude" host you would have provided an alternative for the child you knew was vegan. Personally I would have bought an appropriate small cake

This amuses me - not one week ago there was a thread where the debate was, what the right thing to do was if it was a veggie party and meat eaters wanted to bring stuff, and that was (of course) considered VVVVU and rude by the MN veggies.

And now, the reverse. I think non veggies are damned whether they do or don't :o

SoupDragon · 16/04/2012 17:56

And the difference is, Mrsshortfuse...?

Whatmeworry · 16/04/2012 18:00

I believe that people who claim to be anti-veggie/vegan are so because they feel threatened that others are actually making a more informed choice and also through ignorance of what actually makes a balanced diet

If by "more informed" you mean deliberately excluding huge amounts of data on balanced nutrition, and turning your back on humanity's evolution as an omnivorous species as it out-competed vegeterian ones, then yes you are more informed.

And no doubt blissful too....

PurpleRomanesco · 16/04/2012 18:01

Did/would you you choose for your children to eat meat MrsShortfuse?

SoupDragon · 16/04/2012 18:01

Whatmeworry, that's not the same thing at all really is it? The meat eaters can all eat every single item of the vegetarian food. The vegan child can not eat non-vegan food.

I'm not even a vegetarian and I can see the difference.

When veggie people visit, I cater for them as well. When children with dietary requirements visit, I cater for them be it vegetarian, dairy intolerant, coeliac or anything else. If I can not, I ask the parent/guest whether they would mind bringing an appropriate alternative (their preferred gluten free bread for example). If I couldn't be arsed to provide an alternative I really have no call to think it rude of someone to have an alternative with them.

kipperandtiger · 16/04/2012 18:10

I've provided for kids who can't eat egg, dairy as well as both at kids' parties. Have to check the goody bags don't contain sweets or chocolate with those ingredients too! Have managed vegan dishes, egg free snacks, diary free dishes (you don't want the child to be able to only eat carrot sticks and nothing else) but I have to admit defeat at providing a cake that was egg and dairy free - in this instance am actually relieved if the parent will bring some cake substitute. But as the children usually don't eat the cake after the candles are blown (always ends up going into the goody bags) most of them are happy with fruit or jelly (as are the omnivorous guests). The sweets and chocolate also tend to end up in the children's goody bags rather than being eaten there.

Whatmeworry · 16/04/2012 18:15

Whatmeworry, that's not the same thing at all really is it? The meat eaters can all eat every single item of the vegetarian food. The vegan child can not eat non-vegan food.

With a few excepetions (allergies) they can eat non vegan food, its just their parents don't want them to.

BTW I think the mother did the right thing in the circumstance here, I just think double standards exist in veggiedom.

TheSockPuppet · 16/04/2012 18:16

My son CAN eat gluten, but he'll be climbing the walls so I choose to not give him it, I don't really see that much difference tbh?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 16/04/2012 18:20

I happen to think it's lovely that people agree to come to a kids party and make the effort to get there and make my child happy to celebrate the birthday with them. Couldn't give a crap even if they couldn't afford a present or brought their own vegan food or fruit snacks rather than eat sweets. What matters is whether the child had a nice time and was happy to see their friends on their birthday. And the idea that a child would be excluded purely cos no one could provide a suitable alternative , or bitched about their beliefs is disgusting. What harm was it doing to anyone and fwiw a few cold sausages crisps and sweets is not exactly something to worry about missing. All that happens when my dd eats that stuff is she feels sick and goes loopy on the sweets.

SoupDragon · 16/04/2012 18:36

"With a few excepetions (allergies) they can eat non vegan food, its just their parents don't want them to. "

Are you being deliberately ignorant?

TheSockPuppet · 16/04/2012 18:37

If the guest was fine bringing alternatives for her child and hostess was fine with her bringing it too then what is the problem? Confused

SoupDragon · 16/04/2012 18:38

Whatmeworry, by your argument you would happily feed a vegetarian adult bacon because, after all, it's not that they can't eat it, just that they choose not to. Hmm. I guess you apply this to any religion with dietary requirements too.

SoupDragon · 16/04/2012 18:39

Anyway, I don't actually care to listen to more intolerant claptrap so am clicking hide.

Mrsjay · 16/04/2012 18:47

they can eat non vegan food well no they cant really because they are vegan Hmm

QuickLookBusy · 16/04/2012 18:53

whatmeworry the thread you refer to from last week concerned a BBQ. The veggie host was being told her bil was going to bring a load of meat to cook on her BBQ.

Not quite the same as meat eaters bringing along a few meaty nibbles. They were going to be cooking flash on her NEW BBQ.

I'm not a veggie by the way.

MrsShortfuse · 16/04/2012 19:11

It seems to me there are several distinct, if interrelated debates here e.g.

  1. Whether vegetarianism/veganism are reasonable lifestyle choices
  2. Whether such a lifestyle choice is comparable with a health issue such as a peanut allergy, or a religious belief, in terms of hosts providing different options
  3. Whether it is rude to bring your own items to a party because you have made a lifestyle choice like veganism or have a health issue.

In my (clearly unreasonable) opinion, if you have made a lifestyle choice like being a vegan, good manners means that when you are an invited guest somewhere you either accept what's on offer or you politely decline.

MrsShortfuse · 16/04/2012 19:14

Purple, yes my children eat meat. There are things I would prefer them not to eat, but when at a party they can have whatever they like.

TheSockPuppet · 16/04/2012 19:41

MrsShortFuse, if the host has no problem with you bringing your own food then why should you have to politely decline?

Vickles · 16/04/2012 19:44

You're opinion is very out-dated... It's something my Mum, infact, Gran would've said! Get with it OP!

Ticktock1 · 16/04/2012 19:46

I plan on raising my DC as vegan as I am vegan. I am happy for them to make their own choice when they are old enough to know what meat is. I may well be 'inflicting' my views but how many children really know what they are eating?

I want my child to know that the cute cow in the field is beef and that what they eat has a chain of events, meat causes pain and suffering, that is a choice they can make when they want to, until then vegan it is.

sixlostmonkeys · 16/04/2012 20:51

if you have made a lifestyle choice like being a vegan, good manners means that when you are an invited guest somewhere you either accept what's on offer or you politely decline.

So, if you make a lifestyle choice not to drink alcohol and you get invited to a party and there are no soft drinks on offer do you a. politely decline and stay thristy all evening b. accept what's on offer even though it would mean you are no longer sober? or c. take along your own bottle of pop?

Whatmeworry · 17/04/2012 07:27

by your argument you would happily feed a vegetarian adult bacon because, after all, it's not that they can't eat it, just that they choose not to

My argument is very simple - treat others as you would be treated. If you expect others to make allowances for you, then you need to make allowances for them.