vegan mum at kids party was rude?

[DoozerDrift]

Took DS to a young child's birthday party at soft play today, and there was a vegan mum with her DC there. When it came to cake time, there was no vegan cake, so the mum gave her DC a chocolate lollipop out of her bag.

OK, her DC seemed happy with the situation and asked to hosts to check what was and wasn't vegan. So no problem there I don't think (although I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll rebel and live on bacon sandwiches when they're old enough to ignore their mum!)

BUT AIBU to think that taking separate treats to a party is A) rude to the hosts and B) unfair to the other children at the party who might prefer what the vegan DC are eating?

I would love to have raised my dcs vegan, but I love meat!!

sorry i was guilty of a vile comment didnt mean to offend but i really dont like it we use alot of vegan chocolate where i work well the cook does as its dairy free , the children like it the adults not so much i guess its what you are used to ,

Both my DC are vegetarian as am I and have been for over 25 years. I don't feel my children are missing out on anything and actually my DD loves (4) telling people in a slightly precoious way that she is a vegetarian. As soon as they are old enough to make their own food choices they are welcome to eat meat but I won't cook it as I have no idea how to and their diets aren't lacking in any way.

@season actually, Green and Black isn't 'safe' any more. They have moved to a mixed production line. :( But there is plenty of plain chocolate that is still vegan. Just less than there used to be (cheers, Kraft foods)

whatmeworry - in my experience the norm is more the desperately miserable vegan/veggie/etc kid wanting what all the others are having (and scarfing sweets etc as much as they can once Mummie is out the picture

I find it very hard to believe that this is your experience at all

Actually, when it come to food (unlike toys, trends, clothes etc) kids prefer to eat what they actually like eating rather than what others are having.

My son has been vegetarian all his life and has never once complained. I have been surrounded by children over the years with various food preferences/ restrictions/ choices and can honestly say I have never seen any child become upset because they are not eating the meat option. (do some people here beleive it is only meat that tastes nice?) I have however witnessed quite the reverse when I have taken veggie food to bbqs etc and the children (and adults for that matter) become rather enthusiastic about trying the veggie burger/sausage etc.

If you do actually believe that it is your experience that these kids are miserable then I can only assume you are believing so because you are uncertain or even have worries about your own choice of food.

I believe that people who claim to be anti-veggie/vegan are so because they feel threatened that others are actually making a more informed choice and also through ignorance of what actually makes a balanced diet.
Meat is not essential for a balanced diet. We don't need to eat it.

yeah you're right about bleddy G&B now Metabilis.

thank you for the gracious apology MrsJay of course it's cool for you or anyone else to say they don't like something - i just wanted to point out that generally vegan chocolate=dark chocolate which isn't normally considered disgusting!

I suppose because the vegan diet has been 'inflicted' on the DC

Inflicted?? In the same way I suppose you inflict a dead animal diet on your DC?

I just don't understand y it's such a big deal :( there is nothing u can get from meat or dairy that u can't get elsewhere in their diet. It's a perfectly heAlthy way to live and it is not cruel bu any means to raise your children on a vegan diet. I would put money on vegan children being healthier than those on a so called "normal" diet. And when they r old enough they can decide fir themselves without the risk if becoming mortified at what they have eaten before hand.

Exactly Wheresmycaffinedrip.

The whole "Humans are designed to eat meat blah blah" is nonsense. Humans are designed to get much needed protein and nutrients from meat and at some in evolution meat was the easiest way to get it. Vegans have designed their diet so they get everything they need without the need for meat or diary.

On the other hand humans are not designed to eat most additives you would find at the food typically served at a childrens birthday party.

Dairy isn't even meant for humans. My dairy free ( milk intolerance ) dd is ill far less often than my other dd. And given her start in life she technically should be the one who gets ill more. Some might say that proves nothing but it's enough to make me start limiting her intake a bit. there are many alternatives out there that have all the vitamins and minerals of milk but none of the crap. :)

Bowel cancer is the biggie if you eat meat isn't it? And it's much easier to start eating something as an adult as opposed to giving it up!

Three of my four don't like meat as much as fish (yep I know we're talking about vegans).

Vegetarians don't feed their children meat?

Utter rubbish.

A vegetarian is anyone who does not eat animal products. It is a factual description. There are various ethical and moral stances attached to the word, but the term itself isn't defined by those.

I have been informed before that I am not a "real vegetarian" because it is because of preference, not ethics, but that was when I was about 13 and half my class were going through a "poor little fluffy animals" phase.

Language evolves, obviously, but this particular word hasn't evolved into a moral/ethical description - it is still an accepted description of a non meat-eater. I would be looked at like I was quite bonkers if someone in a restaurant asked me if I was a vegetarian and I said "No, I don't eat meat or fish".

You can't project your own beliefs onto a word in common parlance and insist that everyone else abide by them. Well, you can, actually, but you probably won't be taken seriously.

Yabu, but I'm pretty sure that has already been established as this thread is over 300 posts. My friends 6 year old is veggie (she chose to, her parents are veggie but never stopped her eating meat until she decided after reading a book about farm animals), and I've never heard her making a fuss. I would never be offended if her parents brought separate food for her.

My DS has a gluten intolerance and so I bring separate sweets and stuff for him if we're going out as eating gluten affects his behaviour, AIBU?

This thread has all got very silly.
The op was being unreasonable as the childs mother bought alternitives to the party.
People should be allowed to feed their children what they like without judgement, i couldn't have milk products as a child as it made me hyperactive and i never missed out on anything, they do lovely carob chocolate, soya icecream, soya milk etc and i even got a carob choco bunny every easter.
I feed my children a varied meat, vege, milk diet but if i wanted to feed them a vegan diet then why cant i?
We seem to live in a society these days where people are judged on everything and we are expected to all be the same almost like clones!
The lady gave her vegan child a choc lolly-vegans can be versatile like the rest of us-obviously if the child had wanted the cake then things would be different but she was happy with her lolly.
A child can be fed whatever the parent believes is good for their child as long as the child is not witheld from having what he/she wants when old enough to decide , say about 6 then i cannot see a problem tbh

But... Chocolate has milk in it... :S How is the lollipop vegan?

Mainstream plain chocolate does not necessarily contain milk (although sometimes it does, in an annoyingly infinitesimal way). Specialist vegan plain chocolate certainly doesn't contain milk. Vegan 'milk' chocolate contains soya milk (I suppose - I've never tried it).

Ah ok. I had a vegan friend once, only she ate haribo and LOVED cheese sauce. She claimed they didn't count :o

You get dairy free chocolate e.g soya carob, dark chocolate, etc

Carob is vegan and dairy free

Carob is a different thing though. Carob is more on the 'healthy' spectrum of things. When I was a kid, vegans could have either carob or mainstream plain chocolate that didn't contain dairy (so, mainly, the very dark stuff, though there were some interesting exceptions). These days, veganism and vegetarianism are much more mainstream and therefore carob has less of an all pervasive presence. It's still very there in some health food shops, but not all. And of course you can be a vegan without going near a health food shop, these days. It's a completely different world than the 80s. And actually, carob isn't exclusively vegan either for example you can get bags of mixed carob and yoghurt coated raisins. which are obviously not aimed at vegans (unless people are chucking them at us!)

OP I will stick my neck out and agree with you, I do think it's rude to bring different food to a party unless for a medical reason, so sockpuppet for example, YANBU.

But, I have a short fuse, and I come from a family where there are so many fads that Christmas dinner is about 27 different meals.

Tinkertailor - you can buy non dairy chocolate at Waitrose and some other retailers. The milk substitute is soya. A few lactose/milk-intolerant kids I know eat it.

You really think it is rude to bring a substitute food in case something you/your child can not eat is served??

Has anyone answered whether you expect the child to watch everyone else eating, in this case, cake and have nothing?

Actually, most kids bring their slice of birthday cake home..........don't see what the problem is. It's a kids' party - other kids will be bringing other snacks in case they feel peckish when the food's been cleared away - raisins, dried fruit, water bottle etc. Some siblings who are babies/toddlers will come with milk or purees. It's different if it's a grownups' dinner party - eg your boss throwing a farewell dinner at a elegant restaurant maybe.

"I would still be annoyed if it happened at a party I was hosting though."

Perhaps if you didn't want to be a "rude" host you would have provided an alternative for the child you knew was vegan. Personally I would have bought an appropriate small cake.