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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

vegan mum at kids party was rude?

399 replies

DoozerDrift · 15/04/2012 20:42

Took DS to a young child's birthday party at soft play today, and there was a vegan mum with her DC there. When it came to cake time, there was no vegan cake, so the mum gave her DC a chocolate lollipop out of her bag.

OK, her DC seemed happy with the situation and asked to hosts to check what was and wasn't vegan. So no problem there I don't think (although I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll rebel and live on bacon sandwiches when they're old enough to ignore their mum!) Grin

BUT AIBU to think that taking separate treats to a party is A) rude to the hosts and B) unfair to the other children at the party who might prefer what the vegan DC are eating?

OP posts:
halcyondays · 16/04/2012 08:55

Everyone "foists" a certain kind of diet on their children, as babies and very young dc aren't old enough to decide for themselves what they should eat the whole time, it would be impossible not to. If we didn't they would probably exist on a diet of Haribo and bananas.:)

The mum did nothing wrong, she just brought along an alternative treat for her dc, knowing the birthday cake was unlikely to be vegan and gave it to him/her without any fuss. She didn't make a big song and dance and start lecturing everyone abou vegan ism. What else was she supposed to do, if she has chosen to feed her dc a vegan diet? Totally non issue as far as I can see.

Yellowtip · 16/04/2012 08:59

My children choose whether or not to be vegetarian; I don't foist. I cook meat for them when they're little and for as long as they want it and those who opt for vegetarian have a different meal.

I don't eat meat, but what they eat is their choice, not mine.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 16/04/2012 09:00

Being vegan is an ethical issue and yabu to expect them to give up their beliefs just to suit a few mums at parties. I'd be quite happy to have some one bring their own stuff and would feel really bad if they had to sit there with nothing. Didn't harm u in any way so y worry about it? You woulda thought she was rude or mean if she just sat there and got the kids to sit there eating nothing!

issimma · 16/04/2012 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Metabilis3 · 16/04/2012 09:04

@what sorry, that's the world you'd like to exist, not the actual real world. Veggie and vegan kids are normally more frum than their parents!

Noqontrol · 16/04/2012 09:09

Yabu. Why shouldn't the mum bring something different for a child if he's on a particular type of diet. I'd rather do that then try and make all the food vegan. What a bizarre thread.

Metabilis3 · 16/04/2012 09:10

There is a difference between being a vegetarian and being someone who doesn't eat meat. Vegetarians don't support the meat industry. Vegetarians don't feed their kids meat.

exoticfruits · 16/04/2012 09:21

Being vegan is an ethical issue

Not necessarily. People jump to conclusions based on what they think. My brother is a vegan for health reasons-nothing whatever to do with ethics.

Metabilis3 · 16/04/2012 09:24

@exoticfruits does your brother wear leather? If he does then he isn't a vegan, he's a person who doesn't eat animal products.

Whatmeworry · 16/04/2012 09:28

@what sorry, that's the world you'd like to exist, not the actual real world. Veggie and vegan kids are normally more frum than their parents!

If you say so...not in my experience though.

exoticfruits · 16/04/2012 09:40

He does wear leather-it doesn't effect his health! I agree he isn't a vegan-but it is a term he has to use if he goes to someone's house for a meal etc.

exoticfruits · 16/04/2012 09:41

He buys the cat tins of meat too-I assume that even ethical vegans do.

Cheerstothefrickenweekend · 16/04/2012 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessOfPatna · 16/04/2012 09:53

I really can't see how you could think that lady was rude! YABVVU and making me wonder about converting my meat eating household to veganism just to annoy you :)

NoFoodwithaFace · 16/04/2012 09:56

I'm pretty upset about what some people (particuarly OP) have said. I''m bringing my son up veggie, i'm veggie, DP isn't.
I don't understand the whole 'inflicting your views' argument. Everything you do as a parent is a choice for your child. If I were to let him get his ears pierced, send him to private school, give him music lessons, would that be inflicting something on him too? Yes, because thats what being a parent is!
I chose to bring him up this way because I think it is the healthiest and most ethical way. If he were to decide later that he wanted to eat like his dad then thats fine.

And FYI exoticfruits my cat eats whiskas. Although he does also like mash potato... Grin

Lueji · 16/04/2012 10:00

From the title I thought she had thrown a wobbly because the cake was not vegan.

YABU

Metabilis3 · 16/04/2012 10:04

@exotic fruits yeah, unlike dogs, cats physically can't not eat meat, they die. Actually most really hardline vegans wouldn't own pets for that reason.

notactuallyme · 16/04/2012 10:05

I suspect that some of the antipathy towards vegan and vegetarianism is from people who feel a bit threatened and are trying to justify their choice to unquestioningly serve up crappy gristle sausages and hideous haribo to their kids. Not all meat eaters, obv. Just those pretending its unreasonable to be veggie. Personally, I think it shows a bit more thought going into dietary needs - most veggies we know are very healthy. Btw, piss off with your gleeful. 'all those kids scoff meat when you aren't there.' Wishful thinking much?

Mrsjay · 16/04/2012 10:17

why is it a problem infact i think its great that the mum took something for her child at cake time saves any tears and awkwardness , would you rather the child had nothing , the rest of the kids had cake , vegan chocolate is rank imo ,

Whatmeworry · 16/04/2012 10:18

I don't understand the whole 'inflicting your views' argument. Everything you do as a parent is a choice for your child. If I were to let him get his ears pierced, send him to private school, give him music lessons, would that be inflicting something on him too? Yes, because thats what being a parent is!

But some choices have bigger consequences....Humans aren't designed to be vegan, but they are designed to play violins.

I think veganism is a sensible thing for adults to decide on later, but IMO why take all the potential health risks with kids?

Yellowtip · 16/04/2012 10:21

I think there are many shades of vegetarian, as exotic says. I'm not sure it's a necessary part of being a vegetarian that one has to proselytise. I've given my children (decent) meat from the start because I have a vague notion that it's better for them when they're young, even though I strongly dislike cooking it.

Two (girls) are now committed vegetarians for themselves though never push their views on their meat eating friends; two (boys) are very, very keen on meat; four can take it or leave it.

Stokey38 · 16/04/2012 10:21

I do this for my DS because he is allergic to dairy and vegetarian. I wouldn't consider it / myself rude in the slightest. YABU.

SeasonOfTheWitch · 16/04/2012 10:22

whatmeworry it ain't a dream, believe me - I'd rather meat-eaters left the vegan goodies for us vegans Grin i've been at three birthday parties where there were all-vegan cakes with the meat-eaters cage fighting good-naturedly squabbling over who got the last few cakes.

and i don;t think i've ever met a miserable veggie child - tho I'm sure they must exist.

perhaps you're going to the wrong parties or mixing with the wrong veggies? Wink

BoffinMum · 16/04/2012 10:24

I can't see how this could be construed as rude. It would surely only have been rude if she told the host off.

SeasonOfTheWitch · 16/04/2012 10:25

and i can i just clear up this 'vegan chocolate is disgusting' thing. it's starting to bug me.

it's generally just dark chocolate. yep, that's right - divine, lindt, green & black - all rank? Hmm