To feel a bit miffed about "I can't shake hands with women for religious reasons"

[Hopefullyrecovering]

Which is what was said to me today, in a work context.

I have never heard of this before and googled it and apparently it is true that certain very orthodox forms of religion prohibit men shaking women's hands.

So I am torn between my inner liberal need for religious toleration, and thinking it's a damnfool sort of religion that prohibits a man from shaking a woman's hand and not just a little bit sexist too.

So, AIBU to feel miffed?

I think it's perfectly normal for women in business to shake hands.

I am always confused at parents evenings about shaking hands with teachers. DH always shakes hello and goodbye. I shake hello, but not goodbye. (unless DH is with me.) Sometimes it seems like we are closing 12 business deals in 2 hours at DS1's high school parents evening.

VLC, you may think that, however I notice whenever I am back in the UK for meetings etc that kissing (the 'mwah mwah', not a full on snog!) has definitely become much more common.

YANBU - equality of the sexes takes precedent over equality for fairytales for me

I have been reading this thread with great interest, due to a situation at work. I was saying 'thank you' to a male colleague and touched his upper arm as a reinforcement of that thanks. He recoiled in disgust, his body language, his facial expression and his yelp surprised me so much that I apologised profusely. The incident happened in front of many children, as I am a teacher at a school. And within a minute he had shook hands with a male colleague. Whether it was his intention or not, I felt that he felt I was unclean. I was/am greatly upset by this. I understand that his cultural or religious beliefs does not permit him to touch women, or vice versa. However, I have lived in many different countries and cultures, and I adhered to their cultural rules and would never have reacted in such an offensive way. What do you think?

You might be better off starting your own thread camel as this one is over a year old and most people will only read the OP and respond to that, rather than your question.

I have the opposite problem that all the men in my work place are huggy/kissy types and I am not. Sometimes I have successfully avoided kisses/hugs by putting my hand out for a handshake but sometimes not so successful. Its not I regard the other men dirty or pervs, its just that such close body contact I woukd rather save for my nearest & dearest!

The handshake rule stems from the Islamic opinion that unnecessary physical contact between unconnected men & women should be avoided if at all possible. Some muslims have included handshakes & others interpreted this to mean avoiding extra marital affairs. The reasoning behind it is that you cant control when you might become inappropriately attracted to someone and some can control their desires but others cant. From reading some of the threads on here about men developing emotional / physical affairs with women at work etc having physical & emotional boundaries is not a bad thing !

Thank you for your response Raisah. I know the reasoning behind not shaking hands, but I do not understand the over-the top reaction, and the look of disgust I got, it was horrifying. It was a mistake to tap his arm, but I did it out of respect. He could have explained nicely. I was given no explanation.

Thank you Frank, I will

I am a bit ignorant when it comes to religion but DH does quite a lot of work in this field so warned me before an event that I should not expect to shake hands with the host... got there and the host shook his hand then extended his hand to me so all was fine and I wasn't left feeling strange. Had I not known and gone happily expecting to shake and be refused think I would have tried to understand but inside probably would have felt a bit rejected, but then I am a sensitive soul and over analyse everything and take things personally

Hopefully, it's not just orthodox Muslims and Jews, I've had it happen a few times in India from Hindus where it's been explained that the traditional namaste greeting was devised to avoid touching women, lower castes etc. It doesn't really bother me though, especially in another country.