To feel a bit miffed about "I can't shake hands with women for religious reasons"

[Hopefullyrecovering]

Which is what was said to me today, in a work context.

I have never heard of this before and googled it and apparently it is true that certain very orthodox forms of religion prohibit men shaking women's hands.

So I am torn between my inner liberal need for religious toleration, and thinking it's a damnfool sort of religion that prohibits a man from shaking a woman's hand and not just a little bit sexist too.

So, AIBU to feel miffed?

I had a dive instructor who was Muslim and wouldn't shake hands or similar. However, underwater he would touch hands to show signs or move me and my dive partner to/from things. I never asked but I wonder did he believe Allah made an exception underwater or was it that his neighbors, Immam and employers couldn't see him there?

Sorry - being flippant. Probably not the place...

I tended not to do much handshaking at work because it feels weird to me. I wouldn't categorise it as 'inappropriate touching' though.

DS is taught to shake hands at school and the headmistress shakes hands at the door in the morning. I have not seen anyone refuse her hand - we are a very mixed school.

MrsTP it is about neccessity, like that muslim woman police officer who didnt shake hands with the mayor etc, as part of her job she would have routinely being touching men as part of her job, just like a doctor or nurse would be as part of theirs, but that doesnt mean that outside of neccessity that contact should be allowed.

Thanks nailak that has made me wonder for ages. He was a great instructor and touching is definitely part of that. Had he not I would definitely have got stung by something touched something I shouldn't. I wondered about dive gloves but I know he couldn't afford a lot of new equipment so that would probably have been out of his price range.

I am so glad someone has actually understood something I have said on these threads!!!!
it makes it all worth it!

Spuddy - nooo i'm not from London, i'm from a small market town deep in the country, in the South West of England; surrounded by other small towns & villages... i now live in a South coast large town & i'm much happier - people are still reserved but friendlier & there are lots more people from other cultures (inc. the strict orthodox Jewish community i mentioned upthread). I feel like i fit in more in a large town. My hometown is in a lovely place, & luckily a lot of people have moved into the area; so local people back there are becoming slowly less prejudiced..

As for France - i've never been but i've met some nice Frenchmen!

I think it's more the pretentious over the top air kissing that some people do that annoys me.

To be honest i now know some very religious Muslims, & none of the men have said 'i can't shake your hand'; in fact i've found them (& Jewish people) very friendly.

I like living in town also because it's nice to be able to walk into a pub alone too without getting the 'OMG a WOMAN' stares i had back home.

I know how you feel. Actually, regardless of religion and culture, we do all do this to a certain extent. For example, I have worked in homeless hostels all my life and have, on occasion, had to touch a person in the course of my duties when I would never normally do it. For example, I had to try to wake a person who was unconscious/asleep because we were worried that she was going to die or possibly dead overdosing. I would NEVER touch a client normally but in this case the ambulance wasn't there yet and we were worried. Similarly, I have given first aid for wounds so I would be touching a man's hand in the hostel. Definitely a no no normally but in this case, fine.

nailak How is it then that spuddybean's trainees

"students would start the course and then say they could only touch their own gender, so could they not work with all patients"

thought they couldn't touch patients of the opposite sex? Wouldn't that be classed as necessity? Were they wrong? or is it down to interpretation?

It all seems a bit contradictory and confusing.

i would say and did say earlier on that the trainees were a bit silly.

but i am sure you know in all religions there are differences of opinion, maybe they followed some random rulings or maybe they did not understand the rulings properly or something.

it is confusing.

Nailak, I have PMd you as I didnt want to hijack the thread :O

I agree MrsMicawber. I wince when I think about what I was like when a student. It's just naivety.

The (mulsim) chap at the corner shop touched my hand when giving me my change. He was not overcome by a sexual frenzy. Nor was I. No surprises there. Normality reigns.

when gok kwan grabs womens breast i am sure neither go in to a sexual frenzy, so would you let him grab yours? or any man who says dont worry i wont go in to a sexual frenzy?

What do we think about this statement then?
"Scientists have shown that the amount of body contact (touch) plays a vital role in people's mental and physical development as infants, and in our happiness as adults."

I know this article isn't very scientific (it's the first one I googled ) but it expresses a view I have heard often from scientific types. Why would religion deny their people this comfort? It's nothing to do with sex or licentiousness just mere human-to-human comfort and companionship.

If it makes any difference to the thread, I cannot imagine being overcome by any sexual thoughts whatsoever through having physical contact with the non-handshaker. He was overweight, bearded, wore really bad clothes and his headgear left something to be desired. His smile wasn't up to much, he had a receding jawline, his eyes were small and his nails weren't clean. He didn't do handshakes and I don't think he did eye-contact. Or at least not with me.

He does apparently have 6 children - although this is more of a testament to his fertility rather than having any aphrodisiac qualities (for me at least). He looks approximately 10 years older than his actual age and is badly in need of attention from Gok Wan.

And Debretts. They wouldn't stand for not-handshaking. Oh no.

I prefer the bloke at the corner shop. At least he smiles.

We don't believe in evolution.

It gets worse and worse ...

Human contact may well be comforting, but we don't indulge in that comfort

... and sadder and sadder.

What's disrespectful? The chap's a multimillionaire and his trousers are too short and his jacket was clearly bought in days when he was three sizes smaller. That's kind of sweet, actually, but it's not disrespectful to note. All I was saying is that he wasn't hot, and any thoughts of a sexual nature, particularly given the work context, would have been utterly absurd.

nailak