'he went to far this time' (warning: upsetting content)

[thebody]

Is anyone else listening to Tina Nash interview? Her partner gouged out both of her eyes and she is now blind. She had suffered years of abuse and stuck by him after each occasion. She has children she will never see again and she said, he went too far this time'

Aibu to really really hope this man goes to jail for life and that it means life and why why why did she stay with this bastard for so long.

The lady is articulate and heart breakingly measured.

What he did was despicable and inhuman. Having now read the articles and providing what they say is the truth: that this excuse of a human being had a well known reputation in his local area of Cornwall, that he was not the father of Tina Nash's children who were 3 and 13 but merely the boyfriend - why on earth did she ever let him anywhere near her or her boys in the first place. I may be naive but my sense of preservation for my children would I hope be greater than thinking I could "change" a man who was known to be violent and thought locally to be not quite right in the head. I just don't understand any of it.

He gouged her eyes out but you're asking about her behavior, OP? Unbelievable.

The main reason that women don't leave violent men is because violent men won't let them. It's like asking why prisoners don't flee their guards. You aren't looking at this properly.

A woman in a relationship with a man who is beating and terrorising her is not a free woman. If she escapes she is lucky.

People who are saying they are better than Tina Nash need to ............ (can't say it, it's rude)

Unless someone was prepared to stand between her and this man and take the beating, take the violations, take the mutilation and blinding then they have zero right to be passing judgement on her.

As far as I know most people don't support women in violent relationships though, they blame them or turn away from them.

marriedinwhite you have no idea of the circumstances surrounding how they got together or why she stayed. save your judgement for the scum that did this to her.

I have said what he did was despicable. But I do not understand why a mother, in a provincial place where everyone knows most everything about everyone else, would get involved with someone with this man's reputation. I say it not to judge but to try to understand and I cannot understand it. As a mother the essence of my being is to protect my children and if I got involved with a man it would be my first priority to make sure he was fit to share my children's lives before I allowed him into my affections.

Women who end up these men's victims are targeted by them. That really shouldn't be difficult to understand.

You seem to be completely ignoring the violence involved here marriedinwhite.

I haven't ignored the violence; I have read many of the newspaper articles reporting and they are what have made me question how it happened. This man's violence was not restricted to the domestic setting he was well known for kicking off and for being out of control. I come from a provincial place and know only too well that characters like him are very well known in their surroundings. I am not excusing what he did; I am questioning how it happened to this woman; how she let it and how her family and friends let it and why they didn't warn her off or him off before he got too involved with her.

The physical violence to Tina Nash is inexcusable as is the emotional impact on her and her sons - it is the impact on the sons that worries me and I am trying to understand how a mother can have allowed that. Where was her mother, where was her father, where were her siblings and aunts and uncles and friends when all this was going on. Did no one close to her read the riot act about the dangers - did no-one do him over in a dark alley before it reached this - if he should meet his just deserts at the hands of fellow prisoners as some have suggested, what would have been wrong with a going over from Tina's family and friends long before this.

Yes, she was a victim but those around her allowed her to be a victim. Were the police never involved before this final incident, was there never a report to social services, etc., etc.

I have a very close friend who was taking the odd wallop from her husband. Her boys were 6 and 8 at the time. She called me in distress one nigh after a smack and after he had stormed out. It took 20 minutes to pack and strap her boys into my car - rather longer to drive her to her parents 300 or so miles away.

Tina Nash might not have had a choice. Once again he probably targeted her.

And maybe your friend wasn't involved with a man who would go as far as gouging her eyes out. A woman in that position would be in extreme terror and would likely not comply with marriedinwhite's rules on how good victims ought to behave. Victims of men like this know how these men will behave e.g. Nicole Brown Simpson knowing that OJ would murder her.

I'm finding the criticisms of Tina Nash extraordinarily offensive.

So would you have taken on this man in order to protect Tina Nash. Would you have organised a trip up a dark alley with a baseball bat and a few friends marriedinwhite.

Have you ever stood between a woman and man being violent towards her?

I mean he's going to get out of prison at some point and he'll probably target another woman, so maybe you should get on it.

I don't believe I have criticised. I have questioned. It has happened and it shouldn't but as it has then society needs to learn lessons from it and reflect about what can be done to protect vulnerable women from violent beasts.

No, I wouldn't have physically taken a baseball bat to him, but had Tina Nash been my friend or sister then there would have been a refuge for her and within it she would have had protection. I wouldn't have minced my words about the effect on her children. And if my dd were in Tina Nash's position, then yes, she has a father and a brother and their friends who would have arranged for the bastard to be given a good kicking for simply laying a finger on her or for having the temerity to get involved with her.

Marriedinwhite - do you think maybe, just maybe Tina Nash has been through enough without you questioning her parenting choices and blaming her for not protecting her children?

This person is a nasty piece of garbage, a cruel and callous rabid animal who does not deserve ever to see the light of day. I am happy to wish him the worst in the names of all of you who don't want to. I hope he gets tortured viciously in jail, I hope he never ever has a day of happiness in his life, and if he has, that he loses whatever made him happy.

The death of a creature like this can only make society better.

i am absolutely disgusted.

He should have his eyes gouged out. Sick, awful man!

I think PineCones has a point about the new identities, yes the Bulger killers were children but they are adults now and one of them continues to reoffend yet the law still protects him, and Carr wasn't a child so why exactly should she get protection after what she and her partner did?

saw this in the paper. horrid beyond horrid.
what kind of evil is that man

I think the psychology involved in domestic violence is the biggest factor that prevents women 'leaving the bastard'. As people have already mentioned this is some element of targeting but also usually a long history of gradually but consistently eroding that person's self respect and self esteem until they are in a position where they believe that they are unable to function without that person in their life. It's a situation I can't imagine but it happens. I have a friend who worked as a civilian worker in the domestic violence unit and even after criminal proceedings, rehousing etc. victims of dv took their abusive partners back. It's a terrible case - I do feel that men like him don't deserve to breathe the same air as everyone else and will never change.

married you seem to be looking at this only from your own viewpoingt and i think tht is why you are struggling to understand.

would it help you to know that many abused women were also abused children? many of them do not have experience of a violence free home, mny women leve the home of an abusive parent and into the home of n abusive man and as nyac said, men who abuse, know exactly what women they meet will 'let' the abuse. they know the personality traits that will be submissive and easy to talk round. also remember that for many women, they have never had any form of counselling to help them understand that abuse they have receievd in the past is not normal or acceptable. in mny families and even areas i have to say, violence in the home is just an ccepted part of life and many believe that it will never get to a point where their eyes are gouged out. do you honestly think these men tell their partners that they will one day strangle her and blind her for life? no these men are manipulators, they dont start a relationship with their mission statement. they might start off saying they have done wrong in the past and they are a changed man and that this woman is their fresh start, and things might be lovely for a few months, long enough for her to fall in love and see 'what a lovely man he is' (we see that on here all the time "he's a great father") once a man knows that he has gained a trust he can start 'relaxing' and testing the boundaries, it starts with verbal abuse and she thinks it isn't a 'leaveable' offence because she has experienced worse in the past and he's lovely in other ways and 'at least he doesn't hit me'. the abuser will start escalating his behavior, testing what he can get away with and this goes hand in hand with alienating the womn from all her friends and family, maybe encouraging her to give up work and have child, all while he was being 'nice' and before you know it you have a woman and child dependant totlly on this man for food, a home, money, clothes, company, and her is her only 'guide' to what is normal behaviour because she cant ask her friends anymore, he wont allow it. then he starts, pushing, then slapping. some women are lucky, they will have family who will stick by her and help her get out. other women dont have supportive friends and families, not the ones who left their abusive fathers at 15 and haven't seen home since. they could go to refuge but as someone posted up thread, she is likely to be one of the few hundred turned away every day. where does she go then? is it worth even trying for a place in refuge, risk getting turned away and having to go back and ask this monster to let you home? he might let you home but he'll make you pay for it.

not sure if you have thought this through before but i think you should.

I feel sorry for the fellow inmates who may have their sentences lengthened for dishing out justice.

Perhaps some survivors of DV or their loved ones could be put in a room with him and given an amnesty.

i know several survivors of domestic abuse. given the chance to be in a room with their abuser their actions would range between being rendered speechless and paralysed with fear, crying and pleading with him to forgive her for calling the police, refusing to look at or speak to him or giving him the lash of her tongue and telling him exactly how much of a scumbag he was.

not one of the women i know would harm or wish to harm their abusers. that's the difference between them and their abusers, they aren't scum. they wouldn't lower themselves.

Absolutely there are survivors like that - but there are also survivors that'd like their chance.

And don't forget the friends and family.
A close friend of mine was murdered in a DV incident.

maybe, but i think they should be given help to manage their feelings rather than be encouraged to act on them. i dont think violence cures violence. i would be just as disgusted with any of my family or friends who attacked the person who abused me. i would understand their anger and why they wanted to do it. but they wouldn't have been doing it for me, or to stop further abuse (unless they killed the person) they would be doing it as a vent for their own feelings, none of that would help me as a victim. and i would be very upset that anyone carried out a violent attack in my name. violence disgusts me. all violence.