to be mildly irritated at childminder shortening my dc's name

[nicknameshame]

not the biggest crime in the world i know but annoying me!

our DS is known by the shortened version of his name by the other children at the CM and nursery - they all find it easier to say than his full name (he has a VERY common 6 letter name btw). CM and nursery themselves call him by either. As does he. We call him by the short version normally, and the long version when he's being atrocious (he's 2 and a half, so that's fairly often at the moment).

anyway, just wanted to say that even if other adults use the long version, there's no guarantee other kids will!

what does annoy me is my parents correcting DS when he refers to himself by the short version of his name, because, to quote my dad, 'it sound gay' and [FFS] muppets.

sounds, oops :o

wishiwas My Thomas actually hates being called Tom. I had expected him to be called that and occasionally have said it myself by mistake!.

However, daft as a brush me gave him the middle name Joseph. So his nn is T.J. Family say Thomas, my dad and his friends, swimming teacher, teachers at school etc call him TJ.
Not my favourite! version of a nn but its his name, his identity and think there's far more important things to worry about (behaviour/ manners etc) that whatever name he uses is insignificant as long as it's something acceptable I can yell in public

There's also the difficulty that many young children have in pronouncing longer names. My 2 year old has been responsible for 2 nicknames so far, simply because she couldn't manage the longer names. The easier, shorter names were quickly picked up by the other tinies and, in one case, by the child's parents who thought it was a really cool nickname :)

How old is your DC? DS has a name that has an obvious shortening to it, but DH and I decided that we preferred the longer version and have always called him that. However about 6 months ago, DS and his friends have started calling him a less common but still obvious shortening and it's how DS refers to himself ( and he's only 2.3) now. Since it seems to be a name that DS likes and understands, we now call him both that and the long form of his name.

Of course, since DS and his friends now all call him the shortened version, his CM does too. I'm just wondering if your DC may call himself a different name at the CMs to what he does at home and the CM is picking up on that?

Ling, I ask people to call my dd by the name I chose because I hope she will use that name all her life. This is more likely if she doesn't get used to being called a nn. At the moment, she feels her proper name is who she is, rather than the nn.

If we are going to let other people call our dc by any random name they like, then there is little point to choosing a name in the first place.

There are some nn that I absolutely love and wouldn't object to, (my ds is often called Xander, rather than Alexander), but with my dd's name, I just really prefer the long version, so don't want to 'waste' it by using something which is nice, but not the name I actually chose.

I think it just comes down to feeling that people should respect the parents choice, until such time as the child has their own feelings about it.

I have an Oliver, all attempts at Oli are silenced with this look

realises this will change when he goes to school this year

YANBU but I dont think its worth bothering about.
I dont think you can do anything.
If you ask CM to stop doing it others are going to carry on regardless.

I have a horrible, dreadful habit of lengthing children's names and calling them weird versions of the original.

I wouldnt do it if I had regular care of a child though.

Well that isnt true actually - I do it with my own. DC5 is Rudy. He gets called Rudolpho, Rudolini, Rudylicious etc.

I would try parents insane if I were a CM.

I think people should lighten up a bit.

I bet I know what it is....

Jacob. nn Jake.

I'm right aren't I?

It seems a newer thing that people feel.they have they 'right' to decide what they call a child. As I said when I worked in a school we called the child by their full name unless the child or parent said otherwise. We knew ds2's name could be shortened but have chosen not to and I actually think until HE decides he wants it shortened, which he may not, I didn't with my name, then he should be called by the name we have chosen and the name he corrects people with. A slip up is one thing, especially when dealing with lots of children but a slip up does not happen all the time. I have worked in classrooms with children with the same name one known by the shortened version one not, it doesn't take much to get it right!

When I was born, my mum chose the name Victoria and because everyone ignored her wishes and called me Vicky (which my mum loathes) she actually ended up changing my name when I was a baby. I think it was really rude of people to overrule her choice for her own baby.

I agree with Agentzigzag. A name is part of a child's identity, and they will shape different relationships/identities with different people. I think it is a bit controlling to try to define the exact parameters of those relationships.

My DS1 is known by his full name in the family, by the common short form at nursery, and by a babyish version by his nursery keyworker. DS2 is know by the common short form in the family and by his full name by DS1 for some reason. A Bulgarian colleague of mine uses different versions for both of them because that is what they would be shortened to at home.

My mum was Kathleen and went by Katy, Kathy or Kate with various people. My granded was Ernest but was always called Tony for some reason, apart from at the Masons where he was Ernie. Different relationships - different name variants.

I have an unshortenable name so people have been fairly creative over the years with nicknames!

DS has a lovely name but I've often heard it shortened and the shortened version is really tacky.

Once someone did it to DS when he was about 7 and I corrected them and it has never happened since.

DS doesn't like the tacky version either so I know if someone tried calling him that they would correct him.

We named our son Ben and that is on his birth certificate. I thought not much anyone can do with that...WRONG! A little girl in nursery took a shine to him and called him "Benny Boy" which soon caught on with the rest of the kids, I couldn't be mad about it because it was given with such affection. The name died out as he moved up to school ,but even now age 13 he still gets the odd Bennyboy from me!

YANBU
I think it's rude. My DS had the same thing. His reception teacher decided she preferred the shortened version and carried on despite being asked not too.
So all through school he was called this and it has stuck.
It is extremely annoying getting correspondence from the school calling him a different name and then you are made to feel petty for mentioning it.
As a HCP I am expected to refer to my patients by their 'preferred' name. I would be in trouble if I didn't. Why can't parents have the same right?

they should respect his wishes if he's bothered, but it really is madness to call your child a name when you don't like any of the common diminutives

we loved Rebecca, but i dislike Becky, so we didn't use it.

Although having said that I have a 3 syllable name with a very common diminutive, and no-one ever uses it

I would let it go actually. She is probably shortening it in an affectionate way. I give my dds all sorts of nicknames in an affectionate way. You want her to feel affection towards your dd I'm sure and it's nice that she feels she has the sort of relationship with her that she can do that.

Ever long, I thought you had invented a new exclamation -"Affectionate God!"

I'd remove him from her care immediately. Don't pay the notice period, in fact if you can get away with it, don't pay for the time he's spent with her. You can always quote "breach of contract". Then report to OFSTED hopefully with a few embellishments about inadequate care

I don't really mind people using shortenings with our sons' names (Our daighters' names can't be shortened). It's an affectation. YAB slighty U.

I know a lot of people who don't like shortenings in either their or theor children's names. They see it as "too familiar." I get where they're coming from, I'm just not from that school of thought.

We have some friends who named their daughter Rebecca. They were really stabby about anyone calling her Becky. Fair enough when she was just born and a preschooler, but totally deluded if they think she's not going to be "Bex" or some other variant - they lived in Essex!

I knew a woman called Vivian who was very assertive in ensuring nobody called her "Viv". God she nearly barked my head off once when I accidentally said it. I quickly squeaked "ian" apologetically when I got the laser eyes.

I think if a person wants to be called the full version or indeed the nickname it should be up to them, but in the OP's son's case he is so young that she is in no way unreasonable trying to choose what he will be called in the meantime.

That said, I quite like the name Felicity (both my children have 4 syllable names because we have a boring one syllable last name nearly as bad as Smith/Brown/Jones type thing) but I don't like "Flick" as a diminuitive, though I quite like "sissy" which I have heard used as a nickname. But we didn't use it in the end because I just wasn't 100% comfy with the nicknames and I always use nicknames, I am Aussie, though I'm not sure if its an Aussie thing or a Tatty thing...