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Original poster

to be worried about my DD going in her BF car?

165 replies

oldermummy11 · 12/04/2012 07:29

My daughters 16, her BF 17 nearly 18 and my husband is forbidding her to go in his car as he doesn't know what he drives like and also he thinks she may get giddy and distract him and cause an accident. It's a new relationship and she has told him herself she's a bit aprehensive about it.
Would you let your daughter do this? My husband says if there's an accident and I let her it's all may fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
oldermummy11 · 12/04/2012 14:05

Ok here goes.....

He has just called and they have gone out for a walk together.....I met him and we had a chat. I thought seen as my hubby is too cowardly to do it I shall.

TBH he is really, really nice and I think she is a lucky girl (that doesn't make him a great driver I know) but he understood completely.

So I worded it like this..... DD's Dad is a bit on edge about the car, it's because he doesn't know you and I don't want to sound like I am dissing your driving because I'm not, in fact her Dad is a terrible driver so you're probably much better than him anyway but it's just until we know you a little better and I hope you're not offended at all. It's a temporary measure for now and not a problem as we both have cars and I or Dad can take DD or both of you to wherever you like so it's not a problem.

How did that sound? I felt real bad but at least it was aired and he knows where he stands so I guess if he really likes her....

OP posts:
Rezolution · 12/04/2012 14:11

oldermummy Thank God you did it Thanks I would have said all that stuff you said (but not as tactfully tbh)
Now let the two teens sort it out between them. They are probably a lot more sensible than we give them credit for. And it's sunny today so who needs a car when you can go for a long walk Wink
Let's hope he stays around a bit and wins your DH over gradually. This will all fade into the background eventually.

Original poster
oldermummy11 · 12/04/2012 14:22

I really hope he does stay around as it's her first BF and important to her...I gave them an umbrella to share ;) and it is raining a bit but hopefully they won't care about that.

I just hope I didn't embarrass her, I am sure I'll get a lecture later!

OP posts:
GoOnPitch · 12/04/2012 14:26

Sounds good on your dd's pov.

Will you have a chat with your DH tonight though?

Original poster
oldermummy11 · 12/04/2012 14:28

Oh yes, I will tell him I have done his bit for him.....I am still angry at his comments last night though.

OP posts:
thebody · 12/04/2012 14:46

Thanks Goonpitch, I do have 4 Dcs, 2 past teen stage do totally understand ops fears.

However shorn of all the crap her original post was shall I let a 16 year old get into a car with a very new male driver and I would have said no.

Of course when she is 18 she will make own decisions but for me having had the police knock on the door as my dd was in a fatal crash then this would be a no no.

Surely your older children or teens respect your right as a parent to sometimes just say ' you know what love I can't accept you doing this please don't

I have on occasions done this and my kids have complied.

The older 2 are now in twenties and function very well thank you.

Op I think the proposed talk with dd bf is excellent.

badtasteflump · 12/04/2012 14:53

I don't blame you for worrying. But I doubt you can really stop her.

In your situation I would have a 'light hearted' little joke with him about 'driving carefully with precious DD in the car or else - ha ha' (accompanied by a nasty glare at the end).

I would worry too but that's all the fun of having teenagers Sad

GoOnPitch · 12/04/2012 15:16

Surely your older children or teens respect your right as a parent to sometimes just say ' you know what love I can't accept you doing this please don't
Yep agree with that.
I also kow that older children or teens can choose not to listen and do it anyway...

therewasatime · 12/04/2012 15:56

She is 16, he is going on for 18, he isnt allowed to take her in his car.

I predict lots of tears if that edict lasts for long.

Is she in 6th form yet?

thebody · 12/04/2012 16:15

Well true but mine didn't, still not smug as still got last dc to get through teens yet.

Think we can all agree in one thing though, arnt babies and toddlers a doddle

Original poster
oldermummy11 · 13/04/2012 08:42

Update on yesterday......thankfully the new BF was mature enough to understand.

My DH on the other hand came straight through the door and said 'where is his car' so I pointed it out and said that I had done his dirty work for him and had the chat. To which he replied 'well I'm not moving on that one - end of.' I think he's been very naive to think it won't happen and I didn't even raise the fact about how annoyed I still am at him for pulling the low statement the other night.

I hope in time this will be resolved, from meeting him later on as well, talking to him and hearing about his family they sound nice people and I felt bad in some respects as if it were my son and someone decided this how would I feel, a bit miffed I think. Or if it were my DD driving him around? Anyhow enough said for now.

I would really like to thank all postings on here as it's made me think lots and also I felt supported yesterday, cheers everyone.

PS Yes babies and toddlers are a doddle!!!

OP posts:
namechangingagain · 13/04/2012 08:45

Oldermummy, your DH is being a control freak, and a knob to boot, how long is he planning to keep this up, I am more concerned that he is dictating to you in this way, than what he is dictating about.

You are a grown woman and his wife and he is showing you no respect at all.

Good luck with this one, because DD and BF arent going to be compliant for very long.

namechangingagain · 13/04/2012 08:47

*Surely your older children or teens respect your right as a parent to sometimes just say ' you know what love I can't accept you doing this please don't

I have on occasions done this and my kids have complied.*

Im more inclined to think they probably smiled indulgantly and then lied to save your feelings.

hairylemon · 13/04/2012 09:15

he is being a knob. This isnt about the car its about him wanting control over his daughter because he is no longer the 'man' in her life.

I went through the same thing with my Dad, all it did was make me secretive about stuff.

Original poster
oldermummy11 · 13/04/2012 09:15

namechangingagain - the sad thing is he can't even see this, he just can't see that the way he talked to me showed any lack of respect or that it was wrong to blame me if anything happened, he has a thing about blame and who's fault it is, I don't buy into that. He doesn't show me any respect really, come to think of it nor I him really, I don't think I respect him anymore, least not when he talks to me like that.

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