Wedding question- who is U- me or the bride?

[angelberry]

A relative of mine is getting married. One of my children is involved in the wedding, the rest are not. All fine.

My problem is this: she has booked a place which is too small for the amount of people she wants to invite. Her solution is to leave the children outside with 'a couple of the dads' to look after them. What this actually means is that I'll be in the wedding watching DD be bridesmaid but my DH and other children will be waiting outside.

I'm not sure how to react. Most of the family seem to think it was a great idea. I thought it was bloody rude, but this particular relative has never been too hot on manners so I'd let it go. But my parents have just found out and are livid, wanting me to pull DD from being bridesmaid if half of our family isn't welcome.

Now, tbh, I don't know whether to keep the peace or not. There's no middle ground here, due to the nature of my family, it's a choice between going along with it or setting off WW3.

So, what would mumsnet do?

How old are the kids? and

what if it rains?

Do you mean the actual ceremony or the reception?

They should wait outside like she suggests.
This is not worth falling out over, not by a long shot.

The bride.
That is the wierdest 'odd thing' I;ve heard yet and I@m on MN a lot.

Everyone will probably disagree but u think that's damn rude not sure what I would do tho op :( I wish u luck!!

No way would my dh wait outside a wedding with ds whilst dd was inside being a bridesmaid. And ds would feel so pushed out. It would be a no brainier for us

It depends on what the 'dads' think of being outside the venue looking after the children.

Has the bride and groom asked them?

What does your DH think?

Why does your Mum think she can manipulate you into doing what she wants?

Have not has, changed my sentence half way though

Bride is being U.
How bizarre.

I would not go to this wedding. No chance.

Why book a venue too small for the people you've invited? Odd.

Could you get your dh to take the other kids to McD's or something instead of waiting outside?

How odd. Surely you either invite fewer people or you pick a venue that is big enough to hold all your guests?

If it's just for the ceremony, not she might not BU (registry offices can be very small), if it's the reception, she is definitely BU.

If it's just the ceremony part, then I wouldn't be that bothered (my DH wouldn't either, he'd love an excuse to get out of it tbh!).

I don't think kids would worry either would they? depending on age, of course. They'd probably prefer to be running around outside.

What does you DH think about this idea?

I don't think it is worth stopping your DD from being bridesmaid, wouldn't she be upset?

...my parents have just found out and are livid, wanting me to pull DD from being bridesmaid

What's it got to do with your parents?

Their interferring would probably ensure I went along with the bride's plans!

Right, to answer some questions:
It is just the ceremony.
It's not a registry office, it's a hotel.
My mum is not being manipulative, not at all! She's upset on our behalf. She is saying she will not go if my DH isn't invited. This is why I'm starting to think I've under-reacted.

But, if I don't go, and pull DD out, then we will all fall out, big time. And I just don't know if it's worth it, as Pictish said.

If we go along with it, though, I'm allowing her to snub us horribly, aren't I?

Fair enough to want a small venue but quite rude to ask people to stand outside waiting.

I would probably go ahead with plans for your dd to be bridesmaid and let you parents raise the issue (wimp!)

I think I would go to the wedding with DD and leave the rest of the family to have more fun at home.

Tbh I think wedding ceremonies are a bit dull so would be happy to sit at the hotel bar. I also think if you weren't particularly offended initially it's a bit silly to start getting offended now just because someone has told you that you should

oh its just the ceremony. I would just tell husband/kids to come at the end of the ceremony and then go on to reception, no big deal.

I thought you meant they expected fathers and kids to wait outside while you all had food at the reception!

I would rather upset a relative than allow my dh and children to be treated as spare parts. I think you have to put your little family first and stick together.

Good on your Mum for sticking up for her Sil and GC!

My DH would feel sad to miss DD as a bridesmaid. I think the bride is being unreasonable and a bit odd but I'm not sure I'd want to cause WW3 if I'd already agreed to it.

What it has to do with my parents is that they are expected to sit through a wedding while their grandchildren and son-in-law are made to sit outside. I was actually quite touched that they were so upset!

Is DH bothered? Sort of. Not about the actual wedding, if he had to miss it for some other reason he wouldn't be fussed. But he's upset by the snub. He's also expected to look after another relative's children, too. A relative deemed more worthy of being in the room than he is.

I would go along with it, with internally raised eyebrows.