To think that 14 miles in a car to school is ok?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

It seems a long way, but that's where the school is?

Any thoughts?

no breakfast club / ASC involved in DS's 8-6 day..

My friends 2 children both go to independent school - 5 minutes form their house. Their day is 8-6, they 1 does Saturdays as well. They get long holidays. They are happy, have loads of friends and do loads of different activities.

Sometimes a longer day can open up far more oppotunities. Whatever or however the longer day comes about.

for secondary, i think thats ok.

Private/state is irrelevant to this debate. My children go to state schools and if I had my time over again I wouldn't move to where we are now even though we love it. It's not fair on me, the children or the planet.

You don't have to be in the remote highlands to be 5 miles away from the physcially nearest school, seeker (which is what you describe as "far too far") - if my DC were in the nearest state primary school it would be 5.5 miles away (as opposed to 4.5 to the independent school they are at..)

if "everyone doing it" makes it OK, then I strongly suspect that there will be plenty of other families (although, granted, not "everyone") doing similar journeys - independent schools (outside London) do tend to have far larger catchment areas than their geographically equivalent state schools, and therefore a generally different attitude to lift sharing/ parties /invites to friends' houses, and the OP's DC are less likely to be "left out" because they live a long way away.

I am not in the remote highlands and my children's schools are 5 and 12 miles away and I think it is far too far and I would not advise anyone to do it. I've been doing it for 9 years now so I do know what I'm talking about.

I went to school a good 12 miles from my house - it did make for a long day. I also had few local friends so typically went for sleepovers rather than afternoon playdates. I wish I had gone to a local school as the travelling is tiring even at secondary level. My dds go to local schools which I think is better for them

Move house if you love the school!
I went to school a long way away and ime your children will pay a price for it if you do this
Not having friends nearby is a high price to pay for a child
Being stuck in the car for an hour or more every day is a high price for a child
My childhood was very stressful because my parents sent me to one of the top tem schools in the country but didn't move to be close to it. Having been through it myself there is just no way I would do this to a child of mine.

My parents thought it was worth it for the school. It wasn't.

My Dc went to Primary school 10 miles away from home.
The difference we all felt when we moved within a mile of their school was amazing.
No traffic jams,rushing to get in the car,trying to find a parking space vs walking out the door,fresh air,walking to school with friends,stopping to play in the park on the way home. Bliss
If I or one of the DC was ill I didnt have to go out with either them or me feeling dire - they would go with our neighbours/friends.
Even better when they walked with friends in year 6 and I could stay in and drink coffee

I'd like OP to come back & tell us where she lives that all the local schools are failing (in SM, I presume)? Are there really places like that?

I must live in a bubble. I genuinely had no idea that some junior age schools ran 8-6 as a normal core day (not including before or after school activities). I assume that includes a fair amount of non-academic activities and/or homework clubs?

Ragged - I live in Nottinghamshire, there are some fab schools here, but we are not in the catchment area and we are not catholic.
We don't want to move, we have good neighbours, links to motorways etc and if we moved it would mean a mortgage again.
we moved again and again as children, living were we are now means that home is home, even if we lose our jobs our home will still be our own. I went to a state school, but we had smaller classes and discipline 25 yrs ago
I have visited 3 state schools, trust me it speaks volumes when the headmaster kicks a child's bag against the wall, a child crying in the corner in reception class, with no adult around to give her support, and finally a child sat at the top of a climbing frame during break as a gang of kids shout abuse at her from below.
I will drive 14 miles even if it kills me, I have no business etc to leave to my dc, all i can do is give them a good education, as I see it-so help me god.

Sorry for rant. Xxx

Some of dd's class mates probably do about that, takes them about 30 min I reckon.

It's fine. They still come to play after school, do after school activities, etc. And from what I knw they all do other activities in the locality by live in and have local friends.

Tbh dd's school is only 3 miles away but local school friends don't exist as all are at least 3 miles away, many further. But it really doesn't matter in our experience. Dd still goes to school friends houses and hey one here, and she also has local friends who she plays out with. And her best friend is not from her school and also not living close enough if her see independently, about 4 miles away. But they still get to see each other 1-2 times a week.

It seems odd to start a thread when you've so clearly made up your mind. Depending on where you are in Nottingham there are very good non-Catholic state schools, particularly some lovely village schools. I'm surprised you looked at three schools and witnessed what you did. What did the person showing you round say about each of those instances? I'm afraid I would have questioned each one to understand whether they were a true reflection of the school or out of character behaviour.

I think 14 miles each way, or 56 miles a day is fine in good weather but what happens when it snows and the school is open but you can't get there?

Ds is changing schools to one 10 miles away. Not ideal but it gives him opportunities not available at his current school. I would prefer it if there was a school bus service and the new head said that is on his list to address. At least I know it is temporary as ds will be a weekly boarder after a year or so. I've already told ds that when he's a day boy if he forgets anything then that is tough as I won't be popping home to collect it.

Fine for you to drive the 14 miles. No good at all for your child.

Yes there are people on here who think it's ok. I would be very interested to know what their children really think.

And very fewnpeople have businesses to leave their children!

What did the person showing you round say about the incidents you witnessed? You were very lucky to find a state school with a climbing frame -Elf anSafty have removed them all as far as I know. And an unsupervised one is even rarer!

I guess it depends if they like being in the car! Ds certainly likes being driven but we are doubling our commute and probably also doubling the time. Current journey is on country roads, new journey has to go through a main town and on to another town. However I'm looking at the bigger picture. At least we don't go past any other schools en route.

as a pretty basic guide, dd1 screamed, refused school, and shut down totally if made to attend. this was the local school (we cycled there daily).

changed her to the one 40 miles away, and she spent her free time asking when she would be going back, and also refused to leave the classroom to come home on several occasions.

I think that speaks for itself, tbh.

she would far rather be attending the school she is at than any of the local schools - she literally shakes at the thought of going to a local school. the car journey bothers her not a jot.

Seeker, not my dd but at least two of dd's friends doing this distance for school has chosen themselves to continue. They are in y5 and starting to look at secondaries. Both those girls have opted to apply for two secondaries not far from their current school, and nt the secondary close to their home. And both sets of parents asked the girls what they want. Nt even a case of wanting to remain with current friends as the class will go to several schools anyway.

Seeker, I do not want to argue.

I do not want my dc to be unhappy, So I will bow to your superior knowledge and send my dc to the local state school. We will walk there and back, takes around 30 mins each way. They will have fresh air, exercise and a chance to talk to mummy all about their day at school.

X

Climbing frame in many of our primary state schools here. My school has one and bars for hanging on etc. supervised n sense of there are always staff on playground duty but no one actually stood directly next to it. Playground is big.

It's not the being bin the car that's the problem. It's the distance from friends, rehearsals, clubs, sleepovers. The fact that they can never be completely independent until they can drive. They can never come and go as they please. They can't just pop in to see if a friend's in or make spontaneous plans...... They have to depend on mum and dad in a way they shouldn't have to.