To think that 14 miles in a car to school is ok?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

It seems a long way, but that's where the school is?

Any thoughts?

Assuming that all the local schools are genuinely failing (as in unsatisfactory vs not outstanding) and that this school is the nearest private junior school, it's likely that there will be other parents in the same boat, so possibly potential for school run sharing so you only have to do morning or evening.

I think it's worse for you than for her tbh as you've got to do it both ways.

No schools that aren't "failing" closer that 14 miles?

My daughter goes to school 13 miles away but she gets LA provided transport and it is the only one of a few schools that are suitable for her needs within area. I wouldn't consider sending my NT children to school that far away tbh and time and money would be a huge factor in that

To be fair though, i don't think the distance makes my daughter suffer as such. Like someone earlier had said it's a long day. She gets picked up at 7.45am and get back for 4.15pm, but she has more or less done this since she started school (at a variety of different schools) My son has to get transport to school and couple of miles away and his day is just as long

'what if you get pregnant?'

did someone seriously ask that? why would that be a barrier to traveling to school (whether 14miles or 4, tbh)

sometimes, the only option is to travel to school. I take dd1 a (now much reduced) 16 miles each way to school. much better than the 40+ miles each way I had to take her before we moved. and, due to ridiculous bureaucratic nonsense, we cannot move any closer (dd1's school is in the next county, and we live on the border between the counties). oh, and I'm pregnant . I seem to be managing just fine.

I went to school 20 miles away from where we lived. it was fine. it meant we all had to be more organised about meeting up, but I still had plenty of impromptu visits to friends etc - a phonecall to mum from school to ask if I could go that evening, and all sorted. not too hard really.

we do a similar run and its not too bad. We use the time in the car to chat, do spellings, reading etc.... His circle of friends are in a catchment of a much wider area from school and could be 50 mins away from our house...having said that he has a small group of neighbours he plays out with at home for those everyday/weekend impromtu things and a friend who is just down the round who goes to the same school.

He is at a private prep school and we moved after he had started so didnt need or want to move schools but as we were literally round the corner from the school to now 25 mins away it was a bit of a shock to the system. i think with private you do tend to get people from a much much wider catchment so you may find friends from school live closer to you than you may think.

I would add, that if you live out in the sticks - no-one is close to you local school or not!

DD will be going to a school that is 17 miles away in September. However I think the actual drive in will be shorter than the school which is 4 miles away as one is going into London and other driving away. So distance is not equal to time spent in car.

I have known my 'best friend' for over 25 years now.

we have never lived closer than 30 miles apart. all through our teenage years (when there were no mobiles, and in fact I did not even have a phone at home either) we managed to see each other throughout the school holidays.

it does take effort and planning (and most of ours was done by post!), but it is perfectly doable.

we are still incredibly close, and neither of us would think anything of hopping in the car and travelling the 30 miles if the other needed it - she is a regular after-work babysitter for me (it is very hard for us to find babysitters due to dd1's ASD), and, as she reminded me the other day (when I was thanking her for her recent efforts) I drove over to see her (was at that point 45 miles) the day before I had dd2 (so went with a severely ASD toddler as well) becuase she needed me that day. I had forgotten that, and don't consider it to be anythign special, just something that anyone would do for a good friend.

I was the one who said "what if you get pregnant" What I should have said is "what if you have another baby?" Surely nobody thinks starting every day with a 28 mile car journey is a good idea for a new born? Or any baby, come to that!

but, seeker, sometimes that is just the reality.

no, I don't like the idea necessarily.

and will organise whatever I can to help out. but I cannot live any closer to dd1's school, so what else am I supposed to do?

dd2 survived the epic car journeys we had before we moved - she was not a newborn, but was in the car for far longer thanI would have liked when she was about 16 months+ (80 mile round trip twice a day). it is not ideal, but it had to be done, there was no other way around it.

what I will probably end up doing is taking dd1 to school, and then off to the park/library/shops whatever in the town next ot her school with the baby, back home for a bit, and then back to pick her up. I cannot avoid the afternoon round trip as dd2 will need collecting too. but it is what it is. and it is not of my choosing (we would live next door to dd1's school if possible!)

silverfrog, doesn't your daughter qualify for LA transport?

My DS goes to school about 15 miles from where we live. He actually goes to school out fo county. He could go to school 10 mins up the road from us. However I teach in the county he is now at school in and the holidays differ wildy.
We chose the current set up because actually it lessened his time in child care and it means that aprt form the odd inset day we have the same holidays.
When DD starts in Setember she will go to the same school.
DS has never missed out on a party unless we have been on holiday, he has yet to want to do after school clubs but if he does we will manage it. He doesn't really have many close friends (ASD) but if he wanted to go for tea or have a friend here we would manage it too.

technically, yes. but we did a deal with the LA (which I know is not enforceable as such, but don't want to rock the boat).

we got the school we wanted, in part, by waiving our right to transport - this brought the overall cost of her placement (private SN school) to within acceptable limits for the LA. they have not since contested her statemetn, in a time when statements for ehr kind of school are being pulled away swiftly.

on top of that, I know the transport she would be allocated (other children at the school on the same route), and over my dead body would I hand her over to them. there are some wonderful drivers and escorts who do bring children to dd1s school (who I would not hesitate in handing dd1 over to). sadly not the ones we would end up with!

Fair enough :)

"What if you're ill? What if the car breaks down? What if it snows? What if you get pregnant?"

If you're ill, you're ill and you can't do the journey to school. Distance is immaterial. If the car breaks down, ditto. Unless the OP's car is old or unreliable it would be unlikely to be a regular issue. It might happen, sure. You can't restrict your child's education on the offchance of what might occur. If it snows, the school is likely to shut down anyway. For most of the UK the snow doesn't last long regardless.

And if the OP gets pregnant? Come on, Jeez, that's scraping the bottom of the barrel! If she gets pregnant, she drives. It is not a crime for a pregnant woman to control a car. She puts her baby in a carseat and takes him with her. And?!

Is it possible, seeker, that you aren't a fan of independent schools and/or you think that everyone should send their child to their local state school?

To add, I used to walk DC to school - it took us 45 minutes or more each way so a 30-40 minute drive, on your ass and in the warm and dry is nothing. :)

I would have agreed with the friends outside school part from my experience. I went to a secondary school not much further than the catchment (about 500m) but in the other direction. Most of my friends came from the other side of the school due to catchment area. I had a few friends locally.

However, DS and I live in a new estate. It's not a large estate compared to others I've seen. There are 4 primary school and 3 infant/junior schools all within a 2 mile radius of where we live. There is only 5 children (inc DS) who attend the catchment school, all the others attend the other schools. (mainly because they were already attending them when they moved).

DS is not short of friends or people to play out with. In fact because I work and after school visits to ours are impossible it has been a godsend.

op do what you think is best for your child(ren) and circumstances. For some parents/children it would be too much. It may not be for you.

LOL at "the DC have a very long day (leaving before 8, not home till nearly 5)" - my DC have had days as long or longer than that for most of their lives (since they went to nursery at 4mo and 6mo respectively!). DS (Y5) now has a school day that is 8am - 6pm, plus travelling time.

OP - if the school is (more or less) on the way to work, that will make a lot of difference. Also as others have said, it is highly likely you will meet other parents in the same position and be able to start lift-sharing as the DC get a bit older. There are certainly lots of families doing longer round trips than that to my DC's school. One thing to consider, though, if you have more than one DC, is what the options would be if they started having different finish times (through clubs, activities, etc). I guess if it's in a city centre it's less of an issue as you can find somewhere to go to pass the time - in summer, there are a group of younger siblings (including DD) who riot happily for the half hour wait for older siblings, but in winter lots of sitting in cars with snacks and homework is done, which is not so great, but since the school is in the middle of nowhere there isn't anywhere else to go, really.

ah yes stealth I missed that too. My DS day is 8-5 everyday too. His breakfast club/ ASC is a mile from home and my work 2 miles!!

It really is irrelevant if there is a school nearer to the OP (state or not, failing or not). She wants her DC's to go to the one 14 miles away.

I've got no idea why some posters seem to think this is akin to hell, that the DC won't have any friends, or be able to go to parties or have friends over. There will be children local to the OP's home, even if there aren't any school friends nearby.

A lot of independent schools draw their children from a 20 miles or so radius, the OP won't be the only one. It's 14 miles. Not 140.

There is a difference between an 8-5 day when all you are doing is travelling to school, doing the school day and travelling home again ... and an 8-5 day that involves breakfast/after school club and hence some winding down time/time to spend with friends. My SiL's children go to a very academic private school and they basically have hardly any leisure time as their time in the evening is spend doing homework, music practice, eating and then going to bed (reasonably early as they have to get up early). Obviously they will have more time when they are a bit older and can stay up a bit later.

I'm slightly biased as I did a similar day in junior school - I used to get the school bus. My parents thought the school I was going to was wonderful and so worth the travelling. I hated the school, hated the travelling, hated having so little time to myself and hated having no local friends. Interestingly my parents did move closer when I was 12 and it was a huge relief. I'd really suggest the OP thinks about moving (I do realise one can't just move overnight, but as a long term strategy?)