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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that he should not say or even think this??

166 replies

LucyFarinelli · 09/04/2012 16:53

My mums boyfriend (of 10years) told me yesterday (whilst rather drunk) that i have "given him a permenant hard-on for the last 6 months"

I live with him, my mum and my DS (2yo).

What the hell do I do??

OP posts:
Cluffyfunt · 10/04/2012 13:58

You did the right thing.

What an utter scum bag Angry

bejeezus · 10/04/2012 13:58

Isnt your mum wondering why you have gone to stay with your GPs/ aunty???

EduStudent · 10/04/2012 14:00

Also, remember that if he does tell her, he may not tell her completely or might give a bit of a skewed version. But I'm glad you've got somewhere to go to.

bejeezus · 10/04/2012 14:08

I think you need to consider what Edu says-- he might not skew his version- he might completely lie and say you came on to him

I would talk to her before he gets chance I think- could you do it over the phone? It might be easier on you?

glastocat · 10/04/2012 15:20

I agree with the others, I bet you anything he doesn't tell the whole truth. You really need to talk to your mum, I bet she will be horrified if she thinks you can't come to her.

doctordwt · 10/04/2012 16:24

I'm sure he will not be repeating to your mum the disgusting things he said to you.

Don't let it worry you. Your mum will want to hear it from you and even if she doesn't want to believe it, she'll know when she gets the plain version of just exactly what he said that it's the truth.

She may find this very hard to hear and not immediately react the way you'd expect, but remember you have a whole family around you to support both you and her. It will be fine.

perceptionreality · 10/04/2012 16:25

Ew what a gross man - he sounds vile.

unfloopy · 10/04/2012 16:37

I wish you luck and the best outcome possible. Please don't feel responsible, the outrage on this thread speaks volumes. It would have been bad enough if he'd said something that was open to interpretation (you know like when its obvious someone is cracking on to you, but there's still something to the imagination so you can each pretend it didn't happen), but to be so brazen! Gross.

It is really disconcerting when someone you assume has never looked at you like that (because of a previous power imbalance) takes it upon themselves to change the goalposts with no regard for the ramifications. Poor you and your poor mum.

MadamFolly · 10/04/2012 18:04

Oh how awful for you OP, and for your mum.

Hope it all gets sorted. :(

changeforthebetter · 10/04/2012 19:26

So pleased you told your GPs and that they are supporting you with finding somewhere else to live. You have been really brave Smile

LucyGoose · 10/04/2012 19:34

LucyF you are a strong and very brave young woman! I wish I had been as brave when faced with a similar situation. Hope your mom can do the right thing for both of you ((hugs))

ToryLovell · 10/04/2012 20:17

Lucy you are very brave. Well done for finding the courage to talk to your GPs

chipsandmushypeas · 10/04/2012 20:19

Well done.

I hope she's nothing like my mother, who dismissed it as nothing and carried on like nothing had happened Hmm

Good luck sweetheart

MigratingCoconuts · 10/04/2012 20:49

well done for telling your GP...

big hugs all round. Smile

blapbird · 10/04/2012 20:57

You have done the right thing, finally the tide is turning on this disgusting man hopefuly soon he will be nothing but a distant albeit very horrible memory, well done you for putting you and your child first Smile

SparkyDuchess · 10/04/2012 22:04

Oh, we'll done you, I'm so glad you managed to tell someone, at least You've got some RL support.

HoudiniHissy · 11/04/2012 00:57

Oh FGS, don't let HIM tell your mum!

That is Twat 101 - he will LIE!

The whole reason he said it to you in the first place was that he thought you would never breathe a word.

You had better hope your GP tell her word for word as you told them and you tell her the same.

He is going to manage his way out of this.

Get in there first to your mother, THEN get him to explain his actions.

springydaffs · 11/04/2012 08:36

Have you told your GPs exactly what he said? Please do, or tell your aunt. You must get in first before he does. I know it's hard but please just bite the bullet and do it - a factual statement of exactly what he said. You are probably in shock but you have support already in your GPs - lean on them and stay away from the fallout for the time being.

I sincerely hope your mum sees him for what he is - a vile shit.

Original poster
LucyFarinelli · 11/04/2012 11:18

He has been a bit liberal with the truth. But I have told my mum what he said and have said that i explained why I took so long telling her. I've done all this via text as I find it really difficult to talk to my mum face to face. She's the kind of person who just goes quiet and stoney and will bury her feelings. So I have written down everything in the hope that she will have had a chance to read it all and then I'll call her later today.
Thanks ladies, you have all been really supportive.

OP posts:
Jinsei · 11/04/2012 11:21

Well done, OP, that must have been really hard. Hope you are ok.

moominmarvellous · 11/04/2012 11:33

Just wanted to say well done for doing something and telling your grandparents. I've been through a similar thing with my FIL and know exactly how you must have felt. Its like you'll be the one responsible for ruining people's image of/relationship with this person. It's really hard not to feel responsible in some way. Although now I feel resentment that I let him get away with it. What makes it worse in my case is that what happened is treated as a family joke, something that happened in drunken innocence: he got into bed with me in the middle of the night when I was pg with DD. what they dont know is that he was naked, squeezed my bum, called me a silly cow and told me to shut up because no one would believe me anyway. Arsehole.

Some excellent advice on here though, wish I'd been on NM when it happened to me. Please let us know how you get on, you're really brave xxx

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 11/04/2012 11:35

Well done, Lucy, you have done the right thing. Only...... Do you think you could get to SEE her today, rather than call, so thatvthere could be no misunderstandings from the convo. Don't worry if he is there. He's not part if the core family unit and icy politeness would ensure you came away from any interacting with him, smelling of roses.
Very best of luck, have been thinking of you.

HUGS

moominmarvellous · 11/04/2012 11:36

X post just seen your update. Hmmmm I imagine he delivered a more PG version to your Mum.

FIL said he had no idea he'd been in our room in the night and held his hands up saying 'well I woke up in my own bed'. Makes me so mad.

unfloopy · 11/04/2012 11:42

moominmarvellous I feel nauseaous for you. What a shit.

Nyac · 11/04/2012 11:48

Yuck. I hope your mum sees who she is with and doesn't go into denial.