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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that he should not say or even think this??

166 replies

LucyFarinelli · 09/04/2012 16:53

My mums boyfriend (of 10years) told me yesterday (whilst rather drunk) that i have "given him a permenant hard-on for the last 6 months"

I live with him, my mum and my DS (2yo).

What the hell do I do??

OP posts:
gafhyb · 09/04/2012 20:21

I don't think this can be forgotten. It changes everything about you relationship with a man you knew and, presumably, loved, or relied upon, as a child

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 09/04/2012 20:33

Put it this way. Your child grows up and you get a new partner. In time, he says similar to your child. Wouldn't YOU want to know? I don't see what choice you have here. How can you possibly hang on in there until you go to uni? The whole situation seems untenable to me.
Has he referred to it today?

Original poster
LucyFarinelli · 09/04/2012 20:53

He asked me if he'd freaked me out. I said yes, he has not mentioned it since. I'm so scared. I'm sat with my mum in the lounge, he's gone for a shower and DS is in bed.

What do I do and when?

Please can someone just do this for me. I cannot bare (or bear??) to be the one to break her heart.

OP posts:
gafhyb · 09/04/2012 20:55

I never know if this is the right thing to suggest, but could you show her this thread? Tell her you want to tell her something, but it's embarrassing and difficult and you don't know how she'll react, but show her.

QuintessentialShadows · 09/04/2012 20:59

You are not the one breaking her heart. He is. He has said all this shit. He is a turd.

Sparklingbrook · 09/04/2012 21:01

Your Mum deserves better than that anyway. If he said that to you, what does he say to other women when he's drunk? Do you want your mum to stay with that kind of bloke?

I agree it's very hard and you are in an awful position. x

chipsandmushypeas · 09/04/2012 21:05

Disgusting man. Tell your mum ASAP or it gets harder to tell.

My stepdad told my sister he fancied her and basically asked her out aged 18 after moving in when she was 7. Gross.

Sprogged · 09/04/2012 21:06

It'll hurt op but it's him doing the hurting, not you. Your Mum is much better off knowing. Please tell her. Really, really feel awful for you. What a nightmare to be put in by a nasty, selfish git.

McHappyPants2012 · 09/04/2012 21:12

ewwwww and creepy

Figarello · 09/04/2012 21:25

He told you that you'd given him a bonner for the last 6 months & the other stuff and then followed it up with it was your fault he felt like this because you're hot? Hmm Angry A little akin to rapist apologists blaming their victims for wearing short skirts and tight tops.

So the last 10 years of living you through your childhood, adolescenthood (is that a word?) and subsequent adulthood, your stepfather thinks it is appropriate to say those things to you, to see you as a potential sexual conquest? Shock

Absolutely despicable.

It is going to be incredibly difficult, but please tell your mother. This is not your fault. Hopefully she will believe you (although I do realise this is not always the case). I have a feeling that this will be the tip of the iceberg in regard to her partner's behaviour and I am willing to bet he's up to all sorts of stuff unbeknown to you.

ToryLovell · 09/04/2012 21:29

Lucy this is not your fault and you and your mother deserve a better life than having this disgusting man in it.

IDontWantToBeFatAnymore · 09/04/2012 21:30

Give your mum the lap top and say " READ THIS."

Heyyyho · 09/04/2012 21:41

The dirty bastard

Figarello · 09/04/2012 21:47

Agree, give your mother your laptop and ask her to read this thread.

blapbird · 09/04/2012 21:49

This is disgusting and totally over the line, tell your mum
well done for Uni BTW

MissVforVendetta · 09/04/2012 21:56

That is the foulest thing I've heard for a while.

Tell your Mum, or go with IDWTBFA's advice and give her the laptop. She needs to know what a vile man he is.

It's just wrong on so many levels!

my2centsis · 09/04/2012 22:01

Is this for real?

Sprogged · 09/04/2012 22:06

It must be, she's only 22. She probably hoped to hear it's not as vile and outright sick as it actually is.

ToryLovell · 09/04/2012 22:12

YY sprogged. And also in shock at the man that she thought was a loving step-dad could do such a thing

Sprogged · 09/04/2012 22:16

And also scared shitless at how her Mum'll react and how much hurt it's going to cause

willybreeder · 09/04/2012 22:24

Hey Lucy, when I first started reading your message I felt sick as something similar happened to me 5 years ago with my MIL husband. It wasn't as obvious as what your stepdad said, he just alluded to us perhaps meeting up in a hotel (with a long meaningful pervy look). I told my husband but begged him not to tell his mum or go round and lamp his stepdad, I didnt feel it was worth all the pain and upset it would cause to the whole family. But it's 5 years later and I still can't bear to be near him or have him near my son because he creeps me out. I was originally going to say you could do this but after hearing just how gross and overtly disgusting he was towards you i think you have to face up to it and please tell your mum. I wish you lots of strength xx

ravenAK · 09/04/2012 22:42

I know it's awful, but if you don't immediately tell your mum, then in the perv's head it will = you are colluding with him in keeping a secret from her.

Even IF one accepts that a fundamentally decent bloke could come out with such shite in drink & it be 'just something stupid he said when drunk' (& tbh I don't believe that...) - he's had the opportunity today to apologise to you, to tell you that he cannot believe he said something so completely inappropriate & he is utterly ashamed.

I don't think 'Did I freak you out?' really qualifies as that Sad.

Please talk to your mum.

bejeezus · 09/04/2012 22:52

If I was your mum, I would want you to tell me. It would break my heart if you hadn't felt able to, and I hadn't been able to protect you from him

Tell her NOW

SparkyDuchess · 09/04/2012 23:02

What everyone has said - you need to tell your mum, pet. I'd be heartbroken if my child felt unable to tell me something like this - how DARE he make you feel this way??

I hope you've managed to do it, it must be so hard - just remember this is ALL down to him, youve done nothing wrong.

PooPooInMyToes · 09/04/2012 23:05

Willy that's awful. Do you regret not saying something?