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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that he should not say or even think this??

166 replies

LucyFarinelli · 09/04/2012 16:53

My mums boyfriend (of 10years) told me yesterday (whilst rather drunk) that i have "given him a permenant hard-on for the last 6 months"

I live with him, my mum and my DS (2yo).

What the hell do I do??

OP posts:
willybreeder · 09/04/2012 23:23

I have periods of feeling like I was weak by brushing it under the carpet, as I do believe what everyone says to the op about if they were her mum they would want to know. And the other biggie is that he (and my step FIL) have obviously spoke to other women in the same way. Yuk. I hope she can get it out in the open. It isn't her fault.

MagicHouse · 09/04/2012 23:27

I can completely understand why you're reluctant to tell your mum if she's happy with him. He sounds revolting though and in the long run she needs to know.
I'd think it through though, because in my experience men like that are often complete cowards/ nasty sh*ts, and he may simply deny it and make you out to be a liar/ or imply you've said stuff to him rather than the other way round in order to worm his way out of it.
I think I'd go with showing your mum this thread too - at least here it is in black and white. Or alternatively arrange to go for a meal/ coffee with her saying you have something important to talk about and try to say it as calmly as possible, including all your worries about ruining her life by talking about it, but that you just can't ignore it and that it's upset and frightened you.
I don't think I could ignore it - she needs to know what he's like - if he's saying things like this to you, he'll most likely be saying it to some other younger woman one of these days if you don't respond.

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/04/2012 23:32

Can you talk to your mum while he is there.

Maybe something along the lines of:
"Mum, Mum'sBF, we have a problem here. Mum'sBF, last night you said ....... to me. I find it creepy and pervy, I find it disrespectful towards my mum and I feel you have put me in a terrible position whereby I feel that I will hurt you mum if I tell you, but if I don't tell you then I am not being honest with you. At the very least, you owe me and my mum an apology, then maybe we can discuss where we go from here."

Whatever you decide OP, I don't think you can do nothing.Sad

doctordwt · 09/04/2012 23:35

Err, I would tell your mum right now before you find yourself in a very awkward situation. He's testing the water to see how you react to him coming on to you. Just bloody tell your mum right now and put a stop to it, because this is going to get worse. It's not a one-off, he's a sleaze, plonk the laptop on your mum's lap and just get it over with before you find him coming into your room or worse.

bejeezus · 10/04/2012 07:25

Are you ok OP?

iscream · 10/04/2012 07:31

Tell your mum right now, don't wait. She can throw him out, or you can go stay at your gp's until you move for school.
She needs to know what a horrible, disloyal creep he is.

You are her daughter, you must tell her,

DinahMoHum · 10/04/2012 07:40

i wouldnt show the thread. She'll probably feel even worse if she sees its online.

I think she needs to know. Do you have a family member youre close to who you can confide in to back you up and give you support if it all goes pear shaped with your mum

changeforthebetter · 10/04/2012 07:40

Ugh! What a worm.

Telling your mum is really the only way forward. What her reaction might be is not your responsibility.

In practical terms, if your mum reacted badly (not saying this will be the case, I hope she sees sense) is there somewhere else you could go?

I think this is going to take strength and courage but you can do it. He is a pathetic, weak, abusive bully who regards women and possessions and thinks he can lord it over you. Yes people do silly things when drunk, but this isn't silliness or something that can be forgotten about. This is a parental figure who is trying to coerce you into what would basically be an incestuous relationship. He has betrayed your trust and your mum's.

Take care and keep posting

Original poster
LucyFarinelli · 10/04/2012 10:57

Hi all. I havenBt managed to tell my mum yet. Me and my DS are at my grandparents and ive told them what happened. They are very shocked and we are all trying to figure out what to do.

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 10/04/2012 11:08

I feel for your OP - bloody disgusting thing for him to think, let alone say! So glad you have confided in your GP now and that they will help you.

bejeezus · 10/04/2012 11:16

aH.Im really pleased to hear you have been able to tell your GPs. Well done

EduStudent · 10/04/2012 11:25

I'm glad you've got your grandparents for support. Are you able to stay there, even for a few days? So you've got somewhere to retreat to if you need it?

Original poster
LucyFarinelli · 10/04/2012 11:26

They are trying to appange for me to go and stay with my aunt, and then they will talk to my mum and her bf. I slept in with my ds last night because i felt safer there, and ive made it very clear to my GP's that im not going home until he's gone(or never, depending on my mums reaction).

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 10/04/2012 11:29

Lucy I'm glad you've been able to confide in someone. What a horrible situation for you all (not him clearly he sounds vile)

EduStudent · 10/04/2012 11:32

That's good and I think your right to say you won't be going back. This isn't going to be easy for you, I think you're brave to stand up to this Smile

puds11 · 10/04/2012 12:31

good luck lucy i understand it must be an exceptionally hard thing to do, but your mum deserves better than this awful man!
And you deserve to feel comfortable in your own house.

sausagesandmarmelade · 10/04/2012 12:35

Definitely tell your Mum....

He sounds VILE! She needs to get rid of him.

cuteboots · 10/04/2012 12:44

ewwww! He sounds like a vile little maggot. Deffo tell your mum and I hope she gives him the elbow really rapidly.

Devora · 10/04/2012 12:47

Best of luck, Lucy. None of this is your fault and if I was your mum (I'm old enough to be!) I would definitely want to know.

Whatmeworry · 10/04/2012 12:54

They are trying to appange for me to go and stay with my aunt, and then they will talk to my mum and her bf.

I think that's very wise, sort out alternative accomodation first and then get your GPs to speak to your Mum. I feel sorry for your Mum but I think yopu are better off being away when she is told.

Figarello · 10/04/2012 13:05

Good luck Lucy. I am so pleased you have at least got somewhere to stay sorted out. It would be horrible to feel trapped in the same house as him.

I truly hope that your mother believes you and does the right thing by kicking the cockwipe out

mummahubba · 10/04/2012 13:18

Tell mum, move out

glastocat · 10/04/2012 13:18

Oh yuck what a disgusting pig of a man, Actually that is unfair to pigs. I hope you manage to talk to your mum soon.

doctordwt · 10/04/2012 13:20

Oh well done. Good on you for making it clear that you aren't prepared to go back while he's there!

Awful though this is, he has done your family a favour in showing his colours.

Original poster
LucyFarinelli · 10/04/2012 13:51

I have told both of them via text where im going. He text me saying i didnt have to go, but said he'd fucked everything up and that he would talk to my mum tonight. So, maybe i wont be the one that has to actually break it to her.
Im off to my aunts with my ds for a few days, my mum knows where to reach me, but if she does kick her bf out, she'll have no car (as they both actually belong to him) so wouldnt be able to come and get us. My grandad is driving us there now.
I cannot believe this is actually happening.

OP posts:
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