Superduperdoo, really, he thinks it's all your fault? Now if he's insane he may well think that; but on the assumption that he's sane, I think it's more likely that what he thinks is that he can convince you that it is all your fault; because that way he gets you to do what he wants, when he wants, at no cost to himself. He is a selfish and manipulative individual.
I'll apologise now as this is going to be long, but I've gone through all your posts in this thread and pulled out what points have been raised, I want you to read them, and just give some thought as to where your relationship with this man ACTUALLY is. Not where he tells you it is.
Financially
You live separately; you are meeting all your own costs of housing, fuel, food etc. You have said that you ?don't like to feel dependant on people? .
He contributes £100/month for his son, but you meet all actual costs ( ? I buy all clothes for our son plus basically every other expense like dinner money etc.? ).
He eats at your house 13 nights out of 14 (at least) ?and then usually raids the fridge and cupboards afterwards?, but makes no financial contribution to the food bills, because he says ?it's hardly hard or expensive to make a bit of extra dinner for him.?^
?We go out for days out that he pays for? (no indication how often, but I?m guessing not that frequent)
?If we eat out he pays? (ditto )
?He paid half for my car another 1k about 3 years ago. ?
?He pays for holidays in his ex wife's parents holiday home, any days out and meals out etc. ? (sounds like that cost is minimal to me. I'd be more impressed if he paid for holidays in a cottage, hotel, Butlins etc.)
?I pay for all Christmas and birthday presents for our son.?
?For about 2 years i fed all 7 of us daily which i paid for. ? (I'd love to know more about that, I really would.)
He ?bangs on about? the money you borrowed from him to move house, and expects you to repay this £1k.
To summarise ? he is financially selfish, happy to take from you but not so happy to give. In fact he doesn?t give, he lends and he expects repayment. He does not provide adequately for his son.
Emotionally
He goes on about how wonderful he is helping you just because he got some essentials from the shop when you were too ill to go yourself.
You are unsure of his fidelity ( ?I don't think anythngs going on with this woman. I'm not sure about someone else.? )
He is unsupportive of your business, and objects to you spending time working at it when he wants you to attend to him.
?He explained that the reason we don't see very much of him is because he works full time is renovating his house and has 2 children demanding time as well as letting out his rental property.? Thereby reinforcing that you and DS are at the bottom of his list of priorities and letting you know your place.
?He made me feel really bad about owing him money last night, i was left thinking i was a right scrounger.? How lovely of him!
?i don't like to feel dependant on people and i really hate it if people think i am. That's probably why i let him take the piss so much and almost have to prove i'm not a money grabber.? So you DO know that he is taking the piss. And he knows how to manipulate you on this point to his advantage, and is perfectly willing to do so.
?he'd just tell me i was psychotic for being so unreasonable to even suggest it.? [food shopping to pay for what he?s eating]
?He thinks if i give up the business and get a proper job and lose some weight i'll be happier in myself and in our relationship.? ? denigrating both your work and your body image, two major points in most people?s sense of self-worth.
To summarise, he is emotionally manipulative, training you to think that his behaviour is acceptable even though it does not make you happy; because he?s fooled you into thinking you do not deserve better.
Practically
You are running your own household independently of him.
He chooses DIY at his house rather than support you and DS when ill.
He is unable to prepare a reasonable meal for his own son.
He does not wash up, even though he eats at your house. Even when asked explicitly.
He expects you to cook when ill.
He will prioritise helping friends over spending time with you and DS.
?One of the reasons we don't [live together] is because i know i'd be the unpaid slave.? That's something to ponder right there. You DO know what this man is like.
He baths DS every night.
?He's very handy if something breaks or my car needs something doing to it?
He never cooks for you, when you eat at his, his daughter has made the meal.
DS has slept at his house (without you also being there) once only.
He expects you to help at his house (dishing up as soon as you walked in) but he won?t help at yours.
To summarise ? he contributes little practically, and only what he wants to and when it suits him. He will prioritise everyone over you.
Sexually
He expects you to focus on his needs for 2-3 hours, but is unwilling to reciprocate.
?When i protest and ask for something for me it turns into what he wants too iyswim.?
So again, he is selfish.
Now there are a couple of positives in there, but they're pretty swamped, aren't they? And this is just from what you've told us so far, I'd bet there's a lot you haven't mentioned besides.
Seeing all the things you've mentioned together in one place - I did this because it's so easy to just think about the last point you covered and forget about what drove you to post in the first place. But you posted because you are unhappy in this relationship, and with all the above, it's not hard to see why you are unhappy. You have good cause to be, and I do not want you to be cajoled and manipulated into accepting this situation as all you can expect from life.
(Well done if you read through it all, BTW!)