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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is he?

191 replies

Superduperdoo · 09/04/2012 12:57

I'm really annoyed with my OH and i don't know if i'm being unreasonable or not.

Myself and my Ds (OH's child too) have been ill this weekend sickness and general feeling unwell. Not major can't get out of bed but still ill.

We had planned at least 1 day out this weekend but due to the weather and us being ill we haven't been.

Saturday i was sick and Ds had been sick the day before and had a bad headache. OH didn't come over all day he was digging out his driveway in the morning and then was asleep from about 2 till 7. I rang him at 7 to ask if he was going to come over and help me and that the boys needed feeding.

He came over with some tins of beans and potatoes (and ordered me off the sofa to help but eldest Ds took over and made me sit back down) and gave them that on toast. Not great but food and at least i didn't have to cook it after being sick when my older Ds made the younger one some soup for lunch. He didn't wash up just left the dishes. Ds finally got to bed about 9pm.

He did go to the shop and get me some essentials which i was grateful for. But then hasn't stopped going on about how wonderful he is helping me.

Yesterday was the same didn't see him until tea time. I was feeling slightly better so cooked a roast with sit down breaks in between when i felt woosy. He ate it then buggered off to watch tv. I told him i needed help with the washing up but he ignored me and just said in a minute. I lost my rag and then he sent my older Ds in to help me while he sat on his backside.

He said he was feeling ill so i gave him the benefit of doubt knowing how rough i'd felt.

Today i've found out he's gone to a friends house to paint her living room as a favour! We've barely seen him all weekend and he's back to work tomorrow. I'm so annoyed with him one for not helping very much when we were ill and going to spent the day helping someone else today for free.

OP posts:
Original poster
Superduperdoo · 10/04/2012 17:15

For future reference as I'm obviously really shit at picking men all my ex's have been utter arse holes how do i not make the same mistakes again? They all start off nice as pie then change back to their real form after a few months. I'm obviously putting up with too much crap.

He's not here yet I'm not looking forward to this.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 10/04/2012 18:37

Hope it went ok super.

Original poster
Superduperdoo · 10/04/2012 18:42

It's not going well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Superduperdoo · 10/04/2012 18:42

Everything's my fault now. i don't spent

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 10/04/2012 18:52

I hope you didn't cook his dinner!

You knew everything would be your fault - it doesn't mean it IS.

Stick to your guns!

CurrySpice · 10/04/2012 18:55

Make sure you say your piece. Don't let him steamroller you

CockyPants · 10/04/2012 18:57

Hello, op, just read your thread.
Are you sure you want to break up with this chap?
Or have other posters egged you on?
Sounds
Like you could do with some time and space to sort where you go next...
Um, a smoking fetish??
All the best op, whatever you decide.

IDontWantToBeFatAnymore · 10/04/2012 19:02

This really doesn't have to be a huge deal. Tell him you don't want to be in a relationshi[ with him anymore and you would like him to go home now. He clearly isn't very bright so you don't want to overwhelm him with lots of words.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/04/2012 19:14

Of course he is trying to persuade you you're in the wrong. He doesn't want anything to change, it suits him just fine exactly as it is. BUT IT DOESN'T SUIT YOU.

CremeEggThief · 10/04/2012 20:07

Have you told him yet? Do you think you may need some more time to decide what you want? Please be assured it certainly isn't "all your fault", whatever that's supposed to mean!
Take care.

ImperialBlether · 10/04/2012 20:10

I just hope the boyfriend isn't into the OP smoking - I was reading about a particularly misogynistic little fetish where one person gets off on the other becoming sick from smoking.

4lovelychildren · 10/04/2012 20:12

OP, have you got someone irl you can talk to about this. This is a forever decision and will impact on your son. Please get help to make an informed real life decision rather than an internet induced one.

Take care

Noqontrol · 10/04/2012 20:24

Hope you're ok op. sounds like you need a bit of time and space to decide what you really want.

SerendipitousHarlot · 10/04/2012 20:30

It's never going to go well though honey. It's just the bit that you have to get through to be free.

Original poster
Superduperdoo · 10/04/2012 21:16

Thanks for all your advice.

Once we'd got all the arguing out of the way we had a really good talk. It seems we're both feeling hard done by in different ways.

Everything came out and we're going to try and make more of an effort. If it doesn't work out now i can't say i haven't tried.

The smoking fetish is nothing like that don't worry.

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 10/04/2012 21:19

I am glad to hear you are ok, and I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Original poster
Superduperdoo · 10/04/2012 21:21

Thanks

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 11/04/2012 08:53

Well done, OP. I do hope things start to go better and he starts to behave with more respect for you, and gets properly involved with bringing up your child.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 11/04/2012 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Superduperdoo · 11/04/2012 09:45

Thank you LadyClarice i hope so too. I won't be trying again after this time this is make or break time. I've realised too that i need to spell things out to him clearly or he doesn't take notice. So next time he pisses me off i'll be telling him straight away.

What is it you want to know My Name is?

OP posts:
IDontWantToBeFatAnymore · 11/04/2012 09:55

Is he really worth it though? He hasn't treated you right at all and I really can't see how he is feeling hard done by.

Original poster
Superduperdoo · 11/04/2012 10:20

Well you've only got my side of the story i suppose.

His arguments towards me were I work too much when he's around (i'm self employed and run my own business) which i do. But when i pointed out that if he helped me clean up after tea etc i would have more time to spend with him and then could work when he goes home. I think he's taken that on board.

Also we don't go out to fetish clubs much which we don't but that's because he hasn't mentioned going for ages. He doesn't want to go though because we have different ideas on them. He's very extrovert and likes to play in public and i'm not. The problem there is he wants me to join in and i don't want to. I told him i don't care what he does when we're there i just don't want to get involved. We're going to comprimise there i don't know why we couldn't do it ages ago.

He explained that the reason we don't see very much of him is because he works full time is renovating his house and has 2 children demanding time as well as letting out his rental property. I said that's all fine as long as you don't then go and spend a day helping someone else when you could be with us.

He has taken it all on board i think and we shall see what happens next.

OP posts:
MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 11/04/2012 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 11/04/2012 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBeagleEyes · 11/04/2012 10:59

Smoking fetish and 'playing in public'.
Which you don't want to do.
You're missing out loads OP, as MyName said it adds context. But even reading between the lines, I think you need to have a bit of space from him, and then decide what you want to do.