To ask FIL and BIL not to bring meat to our BBQ...

[37jonsialex]

Ugh, i have a horrible feeling that i'm being ridiculously petty, but here we go...

We're having a family BBQ/ housewarming tomorrow. 8 of us in total (DP's parents, brothers, sisters and various partners) DP's family are all vegetarian, him and his sisters were brought up that way. By coincidence, i've been vegetarian since i was 9 and DS has been brought up as one too.

A few years ago BIL and FIL went over to the...ehem... dark side and started to eat meat again. I have no problem with this at all, their choice and none of us believe that everyone should be vegetarian.

Anyway, DP mentioned this morning that the B/FIL have insisted on bringing their own meat tomorrow. I was a bit shocked to be honest. I've been working really hard to work out a menu, so they weren't expected to provide anything. I'm always willing to except food based gifts, but i think that if you're taking food to someone's house, it should be something that everyone can eat, right? (for example, we're spending easter sunday with a friend that hates raisins, so i'm taking hot cross buns with other things in instead.)

Apart from that, our BBQ is brand new and we're the ones that will have to cook the meat and then clean off the BBQ and the plates...

Reading this back i can see that i sound like a bit of a nutter... but at the same time i think this is such an odd and disrespectful thing to do!

WIBU to ask them to leave the meat at home?

Oh, it's definitely "carry on over nothing". I mean, how ridiculous is it to be invited to a meal, with a host of morally acceptable options, of food that you are accustomed to eating, and insist that you will bring your own food, eh?

All my friends come around and tuck in.

That's a sensible perspective to have, LeQueen.

The thing is, if I wasn't repulsed by the smell of the meat cooking, I would consider allowing a disposable bbq alongside our main one, but fact is, I am. I'm not a fan of vomiting at my own parties or anybody elses. This is why I will not go to bbqs at other people's homes.

If my position on this was a basic opinion or an arbitrary choice, I would keep it to myself. But it's not.

I am surprised by how many people cannot imagine a bbq without meat. When friends have bbq's there is always a selection of vegetables, not specifically for veggies but vegetable kebabs, halloumi and such like. I find it odd that people really cannot imagine that people who don't eat meat would quite like veggie food cooked outdoors with that smoky bbq flavour as much as the next person. Is it that hard to comprehend?

However as a veggie I am always happy for people to have meat at my BBQ's and as others have suggested just get them to cook it on a disposable bbq. Surely when you have people over to dinner you want them to have a nice experience and enjoy the food? If I knew someone wasn't keen on pasta I wouldn't cook them spag bol and insist they eat it as it's my house and I like it. Let them have their meat if it will make the occasion more enjoyable for them, but imo it's fine to cook it separately rather than on your bbq

I was a vegetarian for years and years.
It wasn't because I didn't like meat (I do) or because I think it's wrong to eat animals, but because I disagree with intensive farming methods and in those days certainly could not stretch to free range meat.

During my years as a veggie, I met lots of other veggies too - and yes, there were one or two of them that just had to have a big hoo-ha over meat eaters. I have met those who claim to throw up at the smell of cooking meat before, but in their cases they just liked being dramatic and the centre of attention, and putting on a performance, making a big show of fake gagging at camping trips and so on, when the bacon and sausages went on. Quite pathetic really. I was a veggie myself at that time and thought they were risable.

So my apologies Tidy but I have come across this before. It was unfair of me to lump you in with them.

I find it difficult to respect moral objections that get put aside for convenience. And I've yet to meet a single vegetarian who doesn't happily consume by-products of the meat industry.

Thank you pictish. I accept your apology. I can assure you I was not exaggerting at all. Certain things would be easier if I was, believe me.

exaggerting exaggerating

Pictish - I think my position (as a vegetarian) was the same as yours.

I can't help but think there is an element of vegetarian moral high ground to this (ie why should immoral meat eaters be able to eat their choice of food at the BBQ). Sorry if I'm wrong.

How do vegetarians survive if they get so ill at the smell of meat cooking?
It's everywhere, every restaurant you visit, walking past a Macdonalds or KFC, when in town, going abroad etc.
Does all this stomach heaving not inhibit your lives somewhat?
Btw I loathe the smell of brussel sprouts and cabbage cooking, I can't eat either.
Should I inform my hosts before I go that they're not allowed to cook it in my presence?

Kladdkakka. You're absolutely right (speaking as a vegetarian).

Come on, you must have realised that the smell of meat cooking is much stronger from a barbecue, than when you walk past McDonalds?

That's why people like the bleddy things! People rhapsodise over the smell of meat over a barbecue/open fire!

Logically, I think they are being quite rude to bring meat to a very vegetarian household. But my whole being screams you can't have a BBQ without meat! Nooooooo.

As a mixed bunch of teenagers and twenty-somethings we had rabid meateaters (of the kill it cook it eat it variety) and rabid vegans. We often had BBQs, and always had two grills so no-one got to eat contaminated food (apart from the vegans who had to eat their food from the cheese-tainted grill).

It's your house, you get to decide what happens in it, but, but I think you should probably have labelled it as a picnic or a Fête champêtre rather than a BBQ, because any meat-eater attending is going to spend the whole afternoon having a pavlovian reaction to the charcoal smoke.

What happened to my house my rules though? I'm not a vegetarian, but I wouldn't mind not eating meat if a vegetarian was cooking for me, even if it was a barbecue. I'd be grateful for the invite, and if I didn't like anything, missing a meal won't hurt, and if I have a huge craving for meat, I'd have a sausage sandwich on the way home. I also have no moral objections to vegetables, salads and bean burgers.

It's particular smells for me, Lady. BBQs are one of the worst. If I know somewhere in particular is going to bother me, I won't go there.

It does make things difficult sometimes, of course it does.

If you loathe the smell of brussels and cabbage to the point where it makes you sick, then yes, I would ask your hosts if they would kindly not cook it while you were there. I wouldn't go anyway and be sick, no one would want that.

While the smell of them is also disgusting, McDonalds and KFC don't serve actual meat, btw.

I was a vegetarian for about a year when I was about 19.
But I totally overthought it, because as an animal lover, I started to question everything.
Which meant non leather shoes, make up that hadn't been experimented on animals, even the medication I had to take sometimes.
If you just don't like meat, fair enough, but I really do believe that if you believe in animal rights you have to go the whole hog and become a vegan.
And never take any prescribed medication.
For me it was impossible so I went back to my bacon sandwiches.

I have a solution. Move barbecue to Easter Monday, and tell FIL and BIL that it is Meat-Free Monday!

'What happened to my house my rules though?'

People with that mindset don't usually host parties! All the people I know who host parties are anxious to make it a come one come all event in terms of what people are allowed to eat/drink. Party hosts tend to enjoy accommodating guests which is why they host parties.

LadyBeagleEyes: "If you just don't like meat, fair enough, but I really do believe that if you believe in animal rights you have to go the whole hog and become a vegan.
And never take any prescribed medication."

Not really. Doing a little bit is better than doing nothing at all. It's like saying to someone who gives three hours a week to helping cancer patients, "If you really cared about cancer patients, you'd do 10 hours a week." It's actually incredibly hard living in a modern industrialised society to stay away completely from products that don't contain animals or have been tested on animals. Some of us do what we can. We don't pretend to be perfect (well, most of us don't) but even by eating less meat, you're reducing the impact that meat-farming has on the environment.

I think your in laws are being rude, and I say that as a former vegetarian. It's not like they don't know what it is like to be vegetarian.

We have always used disposable bbqs for when we have vegetarian or Muslim friends over. We cook meat on ours and I think they would rather not eat food cooked on the same BBQ. I am surprised people think it is ok to put meat on a vegetarian's BBQ. That just seems so wrong.

I'm a meat eater, but if attending a veggie BBQ I ouldn't insist on taking meat, that would be rude. I'd probably ask if a disposable BBQ and bringing own meat was acceptable, but wouldn't take offence if the answer was no. My BF used to be a PITA militant veggie however, and once demanded I provide a seperate grill for her to cook her veggie stuff on, or she'd have to leave as there was no way she could possibly eat anything cooked on the same BBQ as dirty meat. I pointed her in the direction of the chip shop. That was rude. Your house, your rules. If they don't like it they can have their own BBQ, in their own garden.

My BF now loves nothing more than a nice juicy steak, and I take enormous pleasure in reminding her of the time she said she hated people who eat meat usually just as she takes her first bite of steak.

I have hosted many vegetarian bbqs. If someone wanted meat, they could bring their own disposable bbq to cook it on. More than enough veggie food always available - I imagine the OP wasn't planning for anyone to starve.

Fair enough Hack. But for me it had to be all or nothing, like I said I overthink things.