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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask FIL and BIL not to bring meat to our BBQ...

479 replies

37jonsialex · 06/04/2012 10:39

Ugh, i have a horrible feeling that i'm being ridiculously petty, but here we go...

We're having a family BBQ/ housewarming tomorrow. 8 of us in total (DP's parents, brothers, sisters and various partners) DP's family are all vegetarian, him and his sisters were brought up that way. By coincidence, i've been vegetarian since i was 9 and DS has been brought up as one too.

A few years ago BIL and FIL went over to the...ehem... dark side and started to eat meat again. I have no problem with this at all, their choice and none of us believe that everyone should be vegetarian.

Anyway, DP mentioned this morning that the B/FIL have insisted on bringing their own meat tomorrow. I was a bit shocked to be honest. I've been working really hard to work out a menu, so they weren't expected to provide anything. I'm always willing to except food based gifts, but i think that if you're taking food to someone's house, it should be something that everyone can eat, right? (for example, we're spending easter sunday with a friend that hates raisins, so i'm taking hot cross buns with other things in instead.)

Apart from that, our BBQ is brand new and we're the ones that will have to cook the meat and then clean off the BBQ and the plates...

Reading this back i can see that i sound like a bit of a nutter... but at the same time i think this is such an odd and disrespectful thing to do!

WIBU to ask them to leave the meat at home?

OP posts:
pictish · 06/04/2012 13:45

Stop exaggerating Tidy.

Methe · 06/04/2012 13:46

Add message | Report | Message posterMargueritaaPracatan Fri 06-Apr-12 13:10:00
Families fall into two camps, I reckon: Those who just get on with things and embrace it all, never thinking that everything anyone else does is to piss them off, these families are lovely, I know, DH's family is like this. The other camp just about tollerate each other. Life's too short. It's a BARBECUE !

^^

I agree with that exactly!

You see if all the time, families at war over pathetic little spats and people getting the hump about the smallest thing, it's ridiculous and completely unnecessary.

Ask The carnivores to bring their own meat and to cook I on a disposable BBQ at the bottom of the garden.. It's not difficult!

TidyDancer · 06/04/2012 13:46

I'm not.

GrahamTribe · 06/04/2012 13:46

"I also think you are losing sight of respect for your DH's parents"

Yes, because the FIL is so deserving of respect for insisting that he brings something into the OP's home that he knows she finds at best distasteful and quite possibly offensive, isn't he? Hmm

Respect is earned imo, not handed out by virtue of someone's relationship to someone else.

I suspect that if the OP was a teatotaller and the FIL and BIL had insisted on taking and drinking a bottle of whisky she might have gained more sympathy but because the subject of discussion is meat some people get a little defensive. And I still say let them bring it and then feed it to the dog or cat!

Kladdkaka · 06/04/2012 13:46

Not out of generosity, more out of thinking it's incredible churlish to tell other adults what they can or can't consume.

pictish · 06/04/2012 13:47

Churlish and self important.

TidyDancer · 06/04/2012 13:48

It might be churlish if the OP was dictating it to them all the time, but it's one meal, FFS. They can survive without it, that's in absolutely no doubt.

I don't appreciate being called a liar, btw, pictish. That was incredible rude.

threeleftfeet · 06/04/2012 13:48

Can I ask the meat eaters ...

Those of you who have dogs, would you be happy if someone brought dog meat and put it on your BBQ, even though they knew you didn't eat dog?

Would you be disgusted by having to wash up plates that had little bits of dog on them?

If you think that's revolting, then that gives you an idea of why a veggie might feel bad about having meat cooked in their house.

TidyDancer · 06/04/2012 13:49

incredible incredibly

perceptionreality · 06/04/2012 13:49

I was vegetarian for 20 years (lapsed in the last few). I never minded cooking meat for people who wanted it. I don't think you can compare this with bringing pork to a muslim party - vegetarianism is not a religion.

However, YANBU to not want them to cook meat on your barbecue - definitely ask them to bring a disposable one. I think that would be a fair compromise.

pictish · 06/04/2012 13:50

I didn't call you liar.
I said you were exaggerating.

TheBigJessie · 06/04/2012 13:50

I don't tell other adults what they can or can't consume. I tell other adults what they can or can't consume at my home. As most people I know do.

For example, I don't bring [a particular fruit] over to my friend's house, because the smell of it makes her sick, and she would be very surprised if I did.

TidyDancer · 06/04/2012 13:51

It's the same thing. You were rude.

I was telling the truth, btw. But I accept it fits your agenda to believe I wasn't.

GrahamTribe · 06/04/2012 13:51

I said this upthread but I'll say it again. The OP is not telling anyone what they can or can't consume. She's saying that she doesn't want them to consume it in her home. It's being disingenuous to accuse her of telling people what they can and can't eat.

Floggingmolly · 06/04/2012 13:52

If you find meat so repulsive as to be vomit inducing, use your bloody head and don't host a BBQ! If you'd called it a buffet, I doubt your inlaws would have arrived with bags of dead animals clutched in their sweaty mits. Jesus!

TheBigJessie · 06/04/2012 13:54

My local bus service requests that people do not bring smelly food on board. Are they being churlish and self-important? Or requesting that passengers consider others' comfort?

pictish · 06/04/2012 13:54

Ok then Tidy. I won't argue with you.

kickmewhenimdown · 06/04/2012 13:54

Wouldn't bother me if someone cooked a dog. Would probably taste it out of curiosity. And I say that as a dog owner. No different to eating any other meat imo. Wouldn't go out of my way to buy or eat it but hey ho if some else brings it along, why not?

GrahamTribe · 06/04/2012 13:55

I'm not so sure, Floggingmolly. If the IL's are rude enough to insist that the OP cooks and serves meat in her home, knowing as they do how she feels about it, I doubt that they'd give a crap what the event was called but they'd turn up with their bags of dead animals anyway.

TidyDancer · 06/04/2012 13:55

Thank you. An apology would be nice but never mind.

LeQueen · 06/04/2012 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 06/04/2012 13:57

LeQueen - I agree. What a lot of carry on over nothing.

kickmewhenimdown · 06/04/2012 13:57

Agree with floggingmolly. Is it really not widely known that it is courtesy to bring something to a barbecue?

perceptionreality · 06/04/2012 13:57

Of course the OP has the right to say no you can't eat that here, but personally I do think that would be petty. Most people tend to associate a BBQ with meat consumption (whether you agree with that or not) and at a party, a good host should want to accommodate the needs/preferences of all the guests who they've invited.

Bottom line is, if you like and resepct someone enough to invite them because you want their company, then you should be willing to put yourself out a little...imo

TidyDancer · 06/04/2012 13:59

I agree with it in principle too, LeQueen.

I just don't think it extends to this situation.

I couldn't have meat cooking in my house or garden. I have a moral objection to eating it myself, I have a physical repulsion to the smell of it full stop. I don't judge others for eating meat. It is their own personal choice. I just could not have it cooked around me.