by saying that my ex cannot introduce our daughter to his new gf the week before i get married?

[Rachloui]

I'm sure she's very nice, but i just think it isn't fair on us to do this right now. Arsehole

What difference will it make?

YABU

He can do whatever he likes whenever he likes as long as he is a safe and loving parent to your DD.

If you think it is too early in the relationship for him to be introducing him to his new gf, then you are not being unreasonable, and if you are worried that it would upset your dd and have a knock-on upsetting effect on your wedding, then you aren't being unreasonable. But if you don't want him introducing them because it would take the shine off your wedding, then that would be unreasonable.

Us who? Why is he an arsehole?

How long has he been with her OP?

yabu
going from your in depth op

well he's safe and loving just not very reliable or thoughtful. I feel like a bit of a bitch I do and I know he has as many rights as a parent as I do...but.....as a father who is regularly an absentee, I don't want him rushing into this. the timing with the wedding is just unfortunate I suppose.

Cant see the problem with relation to the wedding

How long as he been with her? You didn't answer.

That would be my only concern. I think it's unfair and unwise to introduce children to new partners when the relationship is not necessarily going to be stable and longterm.

I've been with my DP a long time. Although my kids know him, they don't know we are "together".

Should I consult my ex to make sure it's a good time for him before I make the decision as to when to tell the children?

I totally don't understand.

He has actually been with her a few months and she does seem to be a great influence. i want my dd to meet her and I want her to help my ex settle down ...but....isn't a wedding and the gaining of a step father enough for a little mind to deal with in such a short space of time. Also nothing will take the shine of this wedding ;-P

I do think that it is best to err on the side of caution when it comes to introducing children to a new partner - it sounds as if you suspect that he is rushing into this, Rachloui. If you think that this will upset your children, then you aren't being unreasonable.

So basically it's OK for you to have a new partner but not your ex.

Self-absorbed? Much?

So she's really nice and this will hurt your daughter how?

Honestly, it'll be fine.

tbh yabu, it really is none of your business as you are his ex.

Wow this thread moves quicker than i can type (slow!)
It's more that she's a sensitive soul. I don't want her to feel overwhelmed by all the changes and new people etc. i just think he should wait 2 weeks! Then I can help if needs be by talking it through with dd beforehand?

What does it have to do with your wedding? I would hope your DD already has a close relationship with her step father to be.

I think it wouldnt be a bad thing for something else to be going on in this child's life other than your wedding, otherwise she might think it's all about you, and nothing about anyone else is important.

nope, still cant see the problem. I am assuming your DD knows the guy you are marrying and it wont be a shock to have him as a step father, assuming he has actually been playing that part anyway. The wedding will be a nice day for her there will be no deep thought involved.

yabu

It cant be ok for you to have a new parter but not for him to have one.

So it's all about you and what you think.

The world does not revolve around you.

If he is a safe person who has unsupervised access then he is entitled to do as he pleases.

YABU of course you are OP. It's more about you and your wedding isn't it?

He's been with her a few months - well that's fine then.

You're going to change your childs life far more than he is by marrying another man.

Are you feeling guilty and projecting this onto your ex? Are you a tad jealous that he's met a woman he wants to introduce your child to?

I think you are getting a hard time OP.

If it's because your dd is sensitive and this is a busy, perhaps emotional time for her just before her wedding then I understand that. YANBU.

(If you are being precious about your wedding and worried about new gf stealing your thunder then YABU)

hathorinareddress I can see how I sound that way...i really hope that isn't how I actually am. I genuinely am concerned about the effect that so many big things in a short space of time will have on my dd. H has introduced women to her before and it hasn't gone well. Prob didn't put enough info in initial post.