by saying that my ex cannot introduce our daughter to his new gf the week before i get married?

[Rachloui]

I'm sure she's very nice, but i just think it isn't fair on us to do this right now. Arsehole

if you are worried your DD will feel pushed out then surely meeting the new GF, (who you say you want her to meet) will be something positive for your DD to focus on rather than focusing on feeling pushed out. meeting her dad's GF isn't going to make her feel more pushed out is it?

I think you need to learn to relax and not worry so much. Your DD will still take her lead from you, it's up to you to show that this is not a big deal.

If it is just an introduction on Easter Sunday, I honestly think she will be fine. I think it was nice that your Ex let you know - doesn't really scream arsehole to me.

i agree, you are trying to control the situation and i think panicking because you realise you cant.

from what you have said there is nothing about this that would warrant this much worry. you are making this into a far bigger issue than it actually is.

hathorinareddress after comforting my little girl after the last two introductions have gone very wrong, I think it is my business. He is barely in her life in any case and has suddenly popped up with a gf (who he says is a few months in and very nice) DAYS before I get married. I'm not saying don't introduce her...just that after her past experiences and the fact that I have discussed it with him before and explained why she is wary, even offering ways to ease her fears about the new gf when the time comes for introductions....I think it's a bit off to just send her in my front door all shaken up because of this. How hard would it have been to talk to us about it first?? We see her everyday, we could've said 'listen mate, might be best left another week, then we can have a chat with her, with you there if you like? make it easier for both of them? ' Not much to ask?

Havn't read the whole thread buy YABU, why is she going to be effected by meeting your ex's new dp? (i don't understand), he has as much right to introduce her to his dp as you do to introduce a new man into the house (get re-married), i dont see what the problem is?

hathorinareddress control freak? me? yeah kinda lol

It is none of your business.

Sorry.

I have an annoying ex. I know what it's like I really do.

But it's none of your business.

You sound stressed and wound up due to the wedding.

But really it's none of your business. He's your ex. His life does not revolve around you.

No matter what has happened in the past, it is for you to downplay this and try and help your DD to not get worked up. As she hardly ever sees him, I fail to see how this is such an end of the world scenario.

And why not let him do this his way?

You're even controlling what he says and how he introduces the new girlfriends ffs.

"just that after her past experiences and the fact that I have discussed it with him before and explained why she is wary, even offering ways to ease her fears about the new gf when the time comes for introductions."

You are making a whole song and dance about meeting the new girlfriend every time and you are making your daughter upset and nervous and fearful because you are making a dramarama out of it.

Are you saying that you haven't got half an hour to spend talking to your daughter about this because you're getting married?

Well, as much as you would like it done your way, he is her other parent and you can only control half the parenting. You'll just have to let go and let him and his GF do this. You say she is nice and a good influence so unclench.

It's not ideal, but then life isn't and you can't control that.

Seriously, if he is barely in her life - it really doesn't matter that much. A week is a long time in a child's life. She won't be unsettled by a brief meeting with her Dad & his GF by the time the wedding comes around. He has told you, you think she sounds nice - it all sounds ok.
I'm a single mum too & my ex is exceedingly annoying - I really wouldn't rate this as much of an offence. In fact I think the fact he has mentioned it at all, is fairly courteous. He didn't need to do that.

Too much drip feeding for me to process so I will go with your OP and say YABU and controlling

Has it occured to either of you to ask your DD if she wants to meet the new girlfriend ?

At 9 she is old enough to be starting to make some decisions about who she has in her life, not just be 'picked up and put down' when it suits.

Maybe I am being unreasonable. I just worry about her worrying if that makes sense. She's so clever and very sensitive. I think I just want him to be happy so he can be a good Dad and I guess i want their first meeting to be really positive.

He didn't tell me, she did and was quite upset, I am taking my lead from her though...honestly i didn' scream when she told me, i gave her a big hug and said how exciting it was even though inside I was thinking grrr...right now??

I call him an arsehole because of past experiences with him. As a Dad, when he graces us with his presence...he's ok.
I have more than half an hour to speak with my daughter about this...I have my whole life!!!! She means everything to me and comes before the wedding.
I really do resent the accusation that it is me that has caused her to be upset on the previous two occasions. Particularly as I only found put about them after the events. On both occasions being called to collect her as she was distraught, on one of those, from the hospital.

She doesn't want to meet her...right now is what she said. But i think she does' want to meet her full stop tbh after the last times. for her I don't think it has anything to do with timing, but past experiences.

Er, can't you see she was worried about telling you . Honestly, you are letting her see/know too much of your feelings and anxiety whether you realise it or not - think about it

has your DD told her Dad she doesn't want to meet the GF?

You're projecting and she's picking up on it.

Children will tell you what they think you want to hear.

And she's playing you both off against the middle.

I guarantee she's telling you one thing and her dad another.

"i gave her a big hug and said how exciting it was even though inside I was thinking grrr...right now?? "

"after her past experiences and the fact that I have discussed it with him before and explained why she is wary"

ok you are saying two different things. in your OP and that last post you are saying it is the timing that is bothering you but upthread you said it is the bad experiences in the past taht are bothering you.

if it is the bad experiences then your DD will be wary whether she meets her now or in 2 months' time and you will have to deal with that the same way as you are dealing with it now. which makes me think that you dont want to have to deal with it now because you feel you have too much on with your wedding, which tbh is your problem. your dd comes first, whether you are getting married in ten minutes or next year.

Why is it such a big deal? You've turned it into one. She seems to say exactly what you want

Well, what does that tell you ? Can't you call your ex and say that you are sorry, but your DD doesn't want to meet the new girlfriend. She just wants to spend time with her Dad.

To be honest, you don't have any control over whether they meet or not, so I think the best thing for you to do, is smile brightly, send your DD off to Dad with a smile, and be there with hugs and kisses, should the fall out come later.

If he is and continues to be the plank you say he is, she will work it out for herself eventually, and hopefully be strong enough to say so, to him.