by saying that my ex cannot introduce our daughter to his new gf the week before i get married?

[Rachloui]

I'm sure she's very nice, but i just think it isn't fair on us to do this right now. Arsehole

You have enough to deal with with your wedding, why not let your ex deal with this one.

This isn't another reverse AIBU things is it? I hate those.

Might reassure you daughter that her Dad isn't going to be all on his own now you are getting married?

Doesn't matter Rachloui

You are entitled to ask him would he mind. You are entitled to tell him you think it's not a great time.

But if he is a safe person who does not have supervised access then you have no right under the sun to say he cannot.

i take it the wedding is a week away?

I can see what you are worrying about, Rachloui, and it doesn't sound selfish or self-absorbed to me. You know your dd, and if you are worried that it might all be a bit much, then that is fair enough. Maybe, though, you could talk to your dd about the new gf - gradually introduce the idea over a few days - and if you think she's not coping, then have a word with your ex.

She is, presumeably, already OK about the idea of your new partner and the wedding, and she may actually adjust more easily to the idea of the new gf, because she has already had the experience of adjusting to your new partner.

And you have even less right to say "it's not fair on us" because that smacks of "it's all about mmeeeeeeeee"

Sorry.

bali a that's true. i hadn't thought of that to be honest.

Has your DF been living with you? If so, and your DD likes him, then I expect this wedding is a far bigger deal to you than her. Weddings are lovely parties to children, an excuse to be a princess for the day rather than an emotional strain.

I'm surprised your ex has even told you of his plan to introduce the GF. Its none of your business and he doesn't need your approval.

But...surely..the wedding isa a good, exciting, fun thing? Not a terrible stressful, upsetting thing?

YABU. Surely your DD already has a good relationship with your DP, and him becoming a DH won't make much difference. So why would meeting your XP's new GF be so traumatic?

I presume your XP had the grace to not object to your DP? Why not extend the same courtesy to him.

hathorinareddress sadly I seem to have misrepresented myself in my initial post. Also by us, I mean the three of us. We live a life when he is here and for the long periods of time when he is not. We as a family (which we are), are really looking forward to this big day. My dd is 9 and not a baby and is very much a thinker and a worrier (like her Mum).

So how much time will your DD be spending with her Dad in the next week? Are we just talking a general introduction to your ex's new partner - or is she going to have to spend the next 5 days with her?
I can understand you being protective of your DD, but I think it is a bit unreasonable not to expect your Ex to introduce his partner's to his DD.

I agree with Shakirasma, and she does have a point - your ex could have introduced her without first telling you.

Yanu v v v v v v unreasonable

yabu to think you can dictate to him.
By all means voice your displeasure and try and discuss why you think it's not a good idea, but what happens if he disagrees with you?
How are you going to tell him and expect him to obey?

1)when is the wedding

2. does your DD already know that there is a girlfriend but just hasn't met or is she completely oblvious to the new GF's existence?

Shakirasmu My dd told me that he said she would be meeting his gf. She was clearly a bit unsettled. His last gf was not particularly nice. I believe this one is nice, from what he's said about her. really want her meeting her o go well. If someone is to be in her life I want us ALL to get off on the right foot.

He had planned to introduce them on Easter Saturday.

and will you be leaving your DD with her dad while you go on honeymoon? is this what you are worried about? that DD will be spending a week or 2 living with this new girlfriend? (do they even live together?)

TBH I'm probably a bit worried that she will feel pushed out by our wedding. Much as my dp and I are going to great lengths to prevent this. I fear that adding an extra person to the mix, THIS WEEK will be overwhelming. Aso in response to the questions about introducing my partner. I DID consult him first actually.

It is absolutely none of your business and if my ex thought he could tell me that I "cannot" do anything I would be fuming.

ok so your DD knows there is a girlfriend, the girlfriend is nice as fara s you know and is a good influence on your EX, all that will change is that your DD will be able to put a face to the name.

"If someone is to be in her life I want us ALL to get off on the right foot."

well trying to dictate when the new GF is allowed to see your DD is NOT the way to go about it. sorry.

They don't live together yet and we haven't booked honeymoon yet.

You need to unclench.

It's a wedding.

Not the end of the world as we know it.

Are you usually this much of a control freak?