AIBU to not allow my DD in the taxi with this man?

[mickeyvsminnie]

My DD is 13. We live very rurally and the council provide a taxi for her and several other village children due to our distance from the school. I suppose it's the country equivalent of a school bus!

Anyway, she is in year 8 so has been going in the taxi for almost two years now. There is one driver - I shall call him 'Dave,' who does some of the journeys, along with Paul and Marie - the owners of the taxi company [ the council contract out the job ].... Dave does around 50% of the journeys.

My DD has mentioned several times to me in the past that he is a 'bit weird ' and she 'feels uncomfortable ' when in the taxi on her own with him [ this happens sometimes due to other drop off/illness of other kids etc] but I brushed it off until a few weeks ago.

She was off school for a day or two with a stomach bug. She returned to school and was alone in the taxi with Dave on her first day back. He asked her if she was feeling better, she replied ' yes thank you.' He then said ' was it your periods that you were off with? ' and she was obviously mortified. He then went on to talk about my DDs friend , referring to her as the 'under developed ' girl and ' I bet she hasn't started her periods yet .. ' My DD said he often talks about 'girl things' like this.

So, I call the council and tell them that i feel this is highly inappropriate for any man, let alone a taxi driver in his 50s with the job of driving young girls to and from school. They take it seriously, speak to Paul, the owner of the company and Dave is spoken to. 'Yes,' he says, he did indeed speak to DD about her periods but he thought this was entirely normal and he is puzzled as to why it is not appropriate. the council call me to advise they will look into further but they will remove Dave from the runs. I reiterate that I do NOT think he is a padophile - more that he is crass, highly inappropriate and stupid. I then think that this is the end of it.

Anyway, the council call me again today. They wish to reinstate Dave to driving the kids again. He will have 'additional training' and they will ensure that DD is not alone with him [ they cannot ensure this - what happens if a child is ill, for example? ' ]

I am unhappy with this. My DD would not want to be in a taxi with him - far to mortified and uncomfortable.

So- WWYD? AIBU to insist that he is NOT to drive the children to school, that this is a possible warning sign that should be heeded?

TIA!

I don't think YWBU to request that he never drives your child to school given the earlier situation that has required further training. I am surprised that they would consider this acceptable given the complaint. Is their an alternative? Could the owners drive her?
I don't know if you can insist - would they tell you to take her yourself? Or could you complain to someone 'higher up' in the council?

FWIW I wouldn't allow my DD to drive with him again if she feels so uncomfortable.

I wouldn't. I am amazed that they are prepared to have him back.

Have you asked them how exactly they will ensure that she is not alone with him?

How your daughter feels matters. Why should she be made to carry on being driven by someone who has behaved so inappropriately?

I'd be asking them how they'd feel about justifying their decision to the local paper...

(just to get them thinking, you understand. Not saying you should actually go to the paper)

Trust your gut on this one.

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy either - surely another driver can take your daughter?

• is 'there'

The more I think about this the more uncomfortable the situation appears for your DD. She has complained about him due to some highly inappropriate remarks, he has been informed of this and has required more training, now they want to put her back in a car with him. What???
This would be awful for an adult in this situation but we are talking about a 13yr old girl. I would definitely take this further.

I wouldn't be happy with that. Very obviously inappropriate discussion IMO. I'm amazed he didn't think so.

Like egg says. Go with your gut.

Nope, YANBU. I wouldn't want to get in the car with this man and I'm a bit less vulnerable than a 13yo girl. Even with others in the car - he knows she made the complaint. How uncomfortable for her to have to face him day after day.

You are so not being unreasonable, definately take this further, totally inappropriate thing to ask. You, i assume have to take his service, so they are putting you in a really difficult position. Totally unaccaptable. The fact that she FEELS uncomforatble should be enough. For him to ask about her periods is just plain weird if you ask me.

Maybe talk to the school?

Take it further. Prepare a list of questions that you want answered first such as:

Why do they wish to reinstate him? What are their reasons?

What additional training will he be given and what form will it take?

How will they ensure he is not alone with her? Or the other girls?

How will they monitor him going forwards, other than relying on your DDs word?

And so on. I have a feeling that if you make them think about it in that much depth, they'll change their minds.

YANBU. And I think he is something more worrying than just crass etc. He showed a prurient interest in a young girl's development when she was alone with him.

Am astonished that he has been reinstated.

YANBU!

a girl I went to school with was abused by her coach and it started with the man asking her if she had her period and did she use tampons! So your story sounds far too familiar!

Stranded - I think she meant it's highly inappropriate for any man to talk to a young girl about these things

My DD said he often talks about 'girl things' like this.

So, I call the council and tell them that i feel this is highly inappropriate for any man, let alone a taxi driver in his 50s with the job of driving young girls to and from school

I would not allow him to drive her and I would pursue the complaint further with the Council.

Is he CRB cleared?

No man should talk about such things to a girl/woman of any age it is highly inappropriate and unless he is 'not right' he should know that and to me it smacks of grooming, getting a child to feel vulnerable in his presence.

Also he clearly knows who made the complaint and this will make life uncomfortable for your child.

If the Council insist i would threaten them with the Local Government Ombudsman or the press.

YANBU - however I do think you should have taken your DD seriously when she first said she felt uncomfortable. Teaching children to trust their instincts is really important if they are to keep themselves safe.

I agree about taking it further. This is so dodgy

This does seem a bit odd. Because of all the publicity there has been about peadophiles many of the men I know are extra careful of what they say when alone with a girl of that age.

What kitchentiles said

YAsooooooNBU

Yes, please don't let your DD get in a car with this man! that it hasn't been taken seriously enough - yet.

Agree with smoggii re ombudsman and/or press.

Yanbu, like the suggestions of further questions above. This makes me feel uneasy on your behalf.

surely any 'normal' grown man would do anything to avoid talking to young girls about 'girl things'? Trust your instinct and protect your daughter.

He probably has been CRB checked but this means bugger all - just that he hasn't been convicted of any offence in this country.

Would he have said the same thing to a woman rather than a girl? I bet he wouldn't. I know most of the men that I know and trust would not be asking a 13 year old girl this kind of question. I'm not suprised DD finds him 'creepy', so do I.