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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not allow my DD in the taxi with this man?

308 replies

mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 20:29

My DD is 13. We live very rurally and the council provide a taxi for her and several other village children due to our distance from the school. I suppose it's the country equivalent of a school bus!

Anyway, she is in year 8 so has been going in the taxi for almost two years now. There is one driver - I shall call him 'Dave,' who does some of the journeys, along with Paul and Marie - the owners of the taxi company [ the council contract out the job ].... Dave does around 50% of the journeys.

My DD has mentioned several times to me in the past that he is a 'bit weird ' and she 'feels uncomfortable ' when in the taxi on her own with him [ this happens sometimes due to other drop off/illness of other kids etc] but I brushed it off until a few weeks ago.

She was off school for a day or two with a stomach bug. She returned to school and was alone in the taxi with Dave on her first day back. He asked her if she was feeling better, she replied ' yes thank you.' He then said ' was it your periods that you were off with? ' and she was obviously mortified. He then went on to talk about my DDs friend , referring to her as the 'under developed ' girl and ' I bet she hasn't started her periods yet .. ' My DD said he often talks about 'girl things' like this.

So, I call the council and tell them that i feel this is highly inappropriate for any man, let alone a taxi driver in his 50s with the job of driving young girls to and from school. They take it seriously, speak to Paul, the owner of the company and Dave is spoken to. 'Yes,' he says, he did indeed speak to DD about her periods but he thought this was entirely normal and he is puzzled as to why it is not appropriate. the council call me to advise they will look into further but they will remove Dave from the runs. I reiterate that I do NOT think he is a padophile - more that he is crass, highly inappropriate and stupid. I then think that this is the end of it.

Anyway, the council call me again today. They wish to reinstate Dave to driving the kids again. He will have 'additional training' and they will ensure that DD is not alone with him [ they cannot ensure this - what happens if a child is ill, for example? ' ]

I am unhappy with this. My DD would not want to be in a taxi with him - far to mortified and uncomfortable.

So- WWYD? AIBU to insist that he is NOT to drive the children to school, that this is a possible warning sign that should be heeded?

TIA!

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 04/04/2012 20:55

Yanbu I've felt "uncomfortable" with men twice as a child and young adult, the first turned out to be abusing my friend, the second I was indecently assaulted by (luckily not too seriously) never underestimate gut feeling about a situation.

I would raise some serious questions with someone higher up in the council and book a meeting with the schools head who surely must be involved in transport arrangements. His conversation with a young girl was innappropriate and regardless of that for him to have been driving her alone surely means legally he should have been CRB checked, I assume with the councils lassitude this was not the case. Possibly an angle in that I.e. I didn't raise an official enquiry about a non-authorised man under council contract being allowed alone access to my underage daughter but I COULD if you insist on him remaining in the job......

Floggingmolly · 04/04/2012 20:55

No, you're not! Why are they so anxious to reinstate him on the school run, there must be far more appropriate work for him. Confused Stick to your guns and insist she is never in his cab.

Stratters · 04/04/2012 20:57

Totally agree with everyone else, YADNBU and I wouldn't want my DD in a car alone with him either.

gobbledegook1 · 04/04/2012 20:57

I am also in agreement YANBU.

The conversation highly inappropriate and as said he would probably be aware where the complaint came from which makes things even more awkward and uncomfortable, I wouldn't like to be in that situation myself nevermind being in such a situation for a 13 year old girl.

I would kick up a fuss and threaten the press also.

Original poster
mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 21:01

stranded - I do not think it is highly inappropriate for ANY man to be driving kids around. Have you misread my OP or have I not been clear? that'd be silly for me to think that!

Let me read some more responses

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 04/04/2012 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 21:03

the school have nothing to do with pupil transport arrangements.

Yes, he holds an enhanced CRB.

And yes, amazingly he was perplexed and nonplussed that I, as the parent of a young girl, would find his line of conversation odd. to say the least

OP posts:
Original poster
mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 21:05

natasha - i hold full CRB myself. I know it's not worth the paper it's printed on.

I am quite frankly amazed that the council are not up in arms about it. The head of school transport called me for this 'chat' and to clarify a few points. There is no doubt about my DDs version of events... Dave agrees he spoke to her about her periods - but the council are seriously asking me whether i feel 'additional training' is sufficient. And a guarantee he won't be alone with her.

I think it causes a logistical nightmare for Paul - he needs drivers for his various school runs

OP posts:
Original poster
mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 21:06

Gobble- he knows that it is my DD who has made the complaint, yes. Well, I made it, but you know...

And he only ever made these comments when alone with her.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 04/04/2012 21:08

YANBU - trust her instincts and yours x

happyinherts · 04/04/2012 21:11

I'm a passenger escort travelling on a vehicle with special needs children every day. I know it's not quite the same as your situation, but it is local authority contracted out transport.

However at my interview I was both asked and told about inappropriate behaviour / speech / actions when youngsters are in our care. Most of it common sense. I was also advised to err on the side of caution and take special care not to be misinterpreted. Every week I have to fill out a form to report on the driver's behaviour and attitudes. It is VERY important.

If a complaint is made, investigated and driver cleared to work again, it would be on the basis that he works on a different round. Therefore insist on it. Your daughter felt uncomfortable beforehand, now she will feel even more so knowing that he knows who complained about him unless other people have too. I'm sure there are other jobs he could do for transport company. It is unprofessional to allow him back to work with anyone who has lodged a complaint, very bad practice and not right. INSIST on it.

Original poster
mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 21:13

happy - that's interesting, thanks.

I am waiting for them to come back to me again. They obviously want him back again after Easter [ they took him off for the two weeks leading up to Easter, the day after I highlighted this issue to them ]... hence why I thought they were taking it seriously.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 04/04/2012 21:15

YANBU this man is inappropriate , he maybe a familiy man with a very open familiy but he has crossed a line with your dd she should be to travel to school and not feel uncomfortable ,

cheesesarnie · 04/04/2012 21:17

when i was at school a boy few years younger than me was completly banned for inappropriate(sexual) behaviour.complete ban, never allowed back.

cant believe they let the driver back.can you switch companys?

Noqontrol · 04/04/2012 21:17

I wouldn't let her travel with him again. Absolutely not. I'd get on to the council and ask for a copy of their complaints procedure and make a complaint. They have to look at it within a certain timescale. Also get onto your MP and get him/ her to take it up on your behalf. Mps are great for getting the council moving (as a council worker I've been on the receiving end of it!!) and as a last resort get on to the papers, the council will not want bad publicity over this. It's a sad fact of life that those who shout more get what they want. So start shouting. It's totally unacceptable for anyone to expect your dd to get back in that taxi with that driver, he may well have sounded perplexed about the rights and wrongs of this, but he's either really stupid or very manipulative. Either way I wouldn't take the risk.

Original poster
mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 21:19

cheese - no, it's council provided schools transport , so i have no say in who they award the contract to.

She obviously will not be travelling in a taxi with him again. I am quite stunned that the council are even considering 'further training' as a viable option - as if he has fucked up the accounts system or something

OP posts:
happyinherts · 04/04/2012 21:20

They are probably short of staff. ( I know my transport company are). They probably gave the driver a talking to, verbal warning maybe, and feel he is competent enough at his driving job to continue.

However, that does not alter the severity of the situation. Students dignity, privacy etc are paramount. I, as a middle aged mum, would not mention or talk about periods with a student unless that student approached me privately and needed advice etc. It is a personal matter and certainly NOT to be broached by a male driver. Totally out of order. It's the transport company's worry to make sure they have adequate staff. Please insist this man is not driving your daughter.

CountryMouse27 · 04/04/2012 21:22

YANBU. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself if something happened and its seriously making your daughter feel unhappy. Teenagers have enough on their plates without taxi driver related angst and I'd be very concerned about her confidence in dealing with the situation if it came up again.

Also: If the council guarantee that she's not on her own in the taxi then at some point another child will be on their own with him. Just too many flashing lights going off here for my liking.

Noqontrol · 04/04/2012 21:27

You haven't got a say who they award the contract to, but the council do have a budget to purchase additional transport for individuals if there's a necessity. I think in this case there certainly is a necessity until the situation with the contracted firm is resolved.

cheesesarnie · 04/04/2012 21:28

do the parents of the other children know?are they happy for him to continue?

feel Sad for you and dd

DaisyAndConfused · 04/04/2012 21:31

YANBU, and I'm surprised that they allow children to travel alone like this, seems like very poor policy. When I've been involved in transporting children for sports clubs we had a rule of min 2 adults. I understand it's tricky in a rural area.

Good luck.

Original poster
mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 21:31

no, no other parents know - but tbh I wouldnt have a clue who the other parents were - one is from my village, the others from surrounding hamlets. my DD is usually the last to be picked up in the morning.

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 04/04/2012 21:33

id find out and let them know.all get onto the council.doubt theyd be happy to let theyre dc go in taxi either.

Original poster
mickeyvsminnie · 04/04/2012 21:34

I think I will ask the council - the most 'in charge' of school's transport as I can get to - why they think it is acceptable to allow young teen girls to travel with a man in his 50s who thinks it's entirely acceptable to ask them about their periods.

I'd be fascinated to hear the answer.

OP posts:
happyinherts · 04/04/2012 21:41

Exactly mickeyvsminnie - take it higher - out of the control of transport company.

Councils have a health and safety procedure in place. Students wellbeing is the most important thing. Your daughter doesn't feel safe. The driver is acting beyond his remit as a driver. It's not to be tolerated.

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