To tell my ex-husbands new partner that he uses prostitutes and gay 'cottaging' sites?

[Baronetta]

Those were the reasons why I divorced him. He's moving in with a woman with four young children.

Should I say something? I don't really know her very well.

Yes, I have namechanged as I haven't discussed the details of our divorce on here and really do not want to start.

Personally I would but then I can be a cow like that. I'm sure some will advise you to mind your own business and let her find out herself. OR...perhaps she already knows and is quite comfortable with it.

You could try, but there's very little chance she would believe you.

I should probably leave well alone and let the tradegy roll out on it's own. It seems a shame though.

*tragedy sorry

You'll just come across as bitter, and if he admits to it (if he hasn't already) then he'll blame you 'she didn't understand me' 'she had no imagination in the bedroom' etc. You won't gain anything by it.

The only thing I thought I would gain from it was a clear conscience regarding the possibility of young children being exposed to the fall out of it all.

As people have said she won't believe you and think your jealous, but i'd be concerned for the children as you are...

Oh, & whats ''Cottaging?''

She probably wouldn't believe you unfortunately. I suppose it might make her just paranoid enough to avoid unprotected sex which would be good since he is probably still behaving in the same way.

If you feel you can do it in such a way that you won't end up upset then do it, otherwise I'd leave it alone.

I would tell her - you are not doing it out of spite, but to save another family from pain later.

The only reservation I have, is what happens if he meets someone else later, or someone after that - how long will you feel responsible for telling his partners about his past?

I caught my ex using cottaging sites (and other websites too) and it was one of the 100 odd reasons I left him.

He is now remarried and I never for one second have or would consider telling his new partner the reasons why I left him to prewarn her. I will come across as the bitter ex and he has no doubt already laid the ground work of being the innocent victim with the horrid ex.

Your best bet is to hold your head high, be nice to her when you meet (so she has a spark of doubt about you being evil), and get on with your own life.

Baronetta, nothing you say can stop that from happening anyway. Don't you think the kids already know him and know he's moving in?

Websites where you can arrange to have anonymous gay sex with complete strangers.

Places such as public lavatories where men meet each other to have sex.

She will assume that her partner's bitter ex wife is just being nasty.

If you get on well with her then maybe say something like ' you might want to keep an eye on your internet browsing history' and leave it at that.

But just because he did it then, doesn't mean he's doing it now...maybe...

I thought it was hanging round public toilets to have sex with strangers?

I think you should tell her. She needs to know about the potential STD risks.

I would definitely tell her. Not out of spite but because of the STD risk. Maybe/probably she won't believe you - but that's not your fault.

Unless you have reason to believe that he is still carrying out the same behaviour, then don't say anything.

OP- did he give you an STI? That would be the only proof that he didn't have safe sex.

Im sorry your Ex put you through that OP, and its a shame he could possible do it to another person.

Never mind the relationships involved, on health grounds, I'd tell her. If DH was about to give me a nasty STI, I'd want to be told.

No chance someone else of your mutual acquaintance will tell her?

I would

she may not thank you immediately, but she will remember that you tried to warn her when the shit hits the fan later on

a leopard like this one never changes its spots I am afraid