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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this was an ott reaction??

172 replies

amibu · 01/04/2012 00:05

I've namechanged for this.
I went to someones house a few days back,
my DS was unfortunately very overtired , hyper and it had been a long day and his dummy had been misplaced which was making calming it down very difficult. He had an incident with a glass coaster which luckily didnt break when I'd tried to get it off him.
He wanted to colour in the living room but wasnt allowed.
I was trying to get him to sit down when one of the women said;

'I'm not being funny but don't let him touch anything or jump on the chairs I've worked really hard for what I've got!'

I was a bit embarassed and shocked, I didnt respond at all. another person did apologise for the behaviour as the whole room fell silent.

AIBU to feel a bit humiliated by this comment when it appeared obvious I was trying to calm a little monster down?

OP posts:
Haziedoll · 01/04/2012 00:07

Yanbu!

Who was this person?

Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 00:09

the person whos house it was eeek

OP posts:
Bangtastic · 01/04/2012 00:09

Let me guess, she has no children herself? Go again, take chocolate buttons....

HarrietSchulenberg · 01/04/2012 00:10

Does this person by any chance not have children?

HarrietSchulenberg · 01/04/2012 00:10

Cross post, sorry. But chocolate buttons for next visit are very good idea. Or felt tips.

Bangtastic · 01/04/2012 00:11

Ohh felts Grin Ribena too. In fact just get him to take a dump on her plump cushions, the uptight wench.

Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 00:13

actually they have grown up children, that added to the shock

I felt quite guilty but this was a first ever visit and anyone know what is like dealing with a cranky child in someone elses house.

OP posts:
Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 00:14

aha lol chocolate buttons , there was an abundance of white cushions too.

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 01/04/2012 00:16

Ah, grown up children are even worse than no children, as time makes parents think they had perfect offspring. A quick chat with long-term friends, neighbours and relatives usually reveals otherwise.

BackforGood · 01/04/2012 00:18

Can you tell us why you put yourself (and ds) in that situation ? If I were arranging to visit someone else's house with a little one, I'd arrange a time when this "my DS was unfortunately very overtired , hyper and it had been a long day and his dummy had been misplaced which was making calming it down very difficult" wasn't the situation. Is there a reason why you had to take him then ?

Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 00:19

It was meant to be a quick work related visit, pfft

OP posts:
Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 00:20

the person in question actually invited us to come, i would have been happy to go home I was bloody knackered.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 01/04/2012 00:23

I think you shouldn't have gone whilst your little one was overtired. I do think the woman was reasonable. Think about it - if you had nothing whilst your children were growing up, then worked like a slave to get your house looking lovely, wouldn't you hate it if one tired toddler ruined it? You should have apologised and taken him away immediately.

Firawla · 01/04/2012 00:24

I can see both sides of it really... okay you were trying to calm him down but you did say already had an incident with a coaster perhaps she was just worried he was going to trash the house?
Probably would have been best to just make your excuses and go, if mine get into that over tired hyper mood i normally take them home from wherever we are because if they did break anything or do any damage in the house you would feel awful.
Its not really an ott reaction, not like she screamed at you or your child.
I do have small children myself but still if someone else's kids were here and started to get overtired and touch breakable stuff or jump on chairs/sofa etc I would be thinking omg what are they doing hope they dont ruin anything! Perhaps she thought you werent dealing with it strict enough?

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2012 00:27

I think she was a tad OTT but at the same time I can understand her being nervous from the situation you described.

I wouldn't have taken my child if he was over tired and in that sort of mood...it's not really fair on anyone.

ifancyashandy · 01/04/2012 00:28

Hmm. I've not got kids. But I've been in the situation where a toddler was having a melt down & grabbed a crayon & went to draw on my walls. Her parent tried to reason with her. I asked her to take the crayon off her. Our friendship has never recovered. Which is a shame but I had the right to ask for my walls to remain undamaged.

Maybe the situations are completely dissimilar. And maybe your friend should have been more empathic. But all people have the right to expect their belongings to remain undamaged. She was pre-empting maybe.

BackforGood · 01/04/2012 00:44

Hmm, on the way home after a long day at work with my dcs, I'd have said, "Thanks, but I've got ds in the car, we need to get home, he's very tired" and not gone in. I don't really blame a person not wanting a colleague's ds to start colouring in her pristine living room, to be fair.

1950sHousewife · 01/04/2012 00:51

No No No!
This is bloody rude! You were a guest in her home, your DS was an annoying little bugger child in her home and she should have been gracious.

Where the hell was her creativity?
Personally, I would have guided your DS to the kitchen, filled a load of bubbles into the sink, grabbed a whisk and some tupperware and tried to help you - not had a go at you. Or switched on Cbeebies, or shoved a chocolate in his tiny gob.

What a rude woman. I would have encouraged your son to do a mammoth dump in her dust-free aspidistra on the way out the door. In fact, I order you to do so the next time you are forced to go over there.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2012 01:04

To be fair it was a work related visit, not a trip to a playgroup.

The woman was OTT in my opinion...but taking a work colleague's child to your kitchen to fill the sink with bubbles and grabbing whisks and tupperware etc is far more OTT.

The OP should have declined the invite, knowing her child wasn't in the mood for it.

minimisschief · 01/04/2012 01:17

nothing rude about it. Just because it is a child doesnt give you the right to let the child do what children do and potentially damage someone else stuff. You are a parent and are responsible for what your children do. if your child is acting up to such a degree and you are doing bugger all to pacify them leave or they have every right to tel yu to sort it out.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 01/04/2012 01:24

I can see both sides. I find taking DS (18mo) to people's houses where they don't have small children quite stressful as there is so much scope for carnage- even if the friends are "Oh don't worry about it" as DS tries to liberate the ipad from its dock by pulling on the charger wire. They also have no toys (understandably) and we all know that however much stuff you take with you, clutchy little hands are far more interested in the ipad/£2000 sound system/ plasma TV etc. I would therefore almost certainly have declined in the circumstances as it's just not worth it- you're going to spend all your time preventing your DS wreaking havoc and you can't chat properly.

However, I think the way your hostess framed her comment was rude, given that you were a guest.

1950sHousewife · 01/04/2012 01:29

Worra - would it really be too hard to find something in the house to help a harried mum out? Ok so maybe not bubbles, but a few things to distract wouldn't be too hard.
I've had that situation before where destructobaby is in the house, but I would rather eat my own leg than make a guest feel uncomfortable. And this whole 'I've worked hard for what I have' attitude is bullshit. None of us sit around all day sipping pina coladas. We all work hard for what we have. None of us sit around hoping for a kid to come and destroy our soft furnishings, equally, there are ways of coping with tiny guests.

I wouldn't go back there in a hurry, which, in fairness, would probably please her as well.

bobbledunk · 01/04/2012 01:48

I would expect any civilised person to respect other peoples homes and assume that allowing their precious little darlings to damage what they have worked hard for and probably can't afford to replace is very selfish and rude. You are being very unreasonable to be offended with somebody impressing on you that they don't want a hefty bill to repair/replace anything your son damages.

I am sure this individual will know better than to invite someone with a toddler into their home in the future unless she knows them to be considerate and respectful. Maybe she thought you were.

Aribura · 01/04/2012 01:55

Nah, everyone loves someone else's child creating a mess in their house. As long as they have an excuse.

Love the posts claiming she has no children and then backtracking when it turns out she does! hahaha Grin

tvmum1976 · 01/04/2012 03:25

i remember before I had kids, a work colleague coming round to my flat with her two and they were running around smearing chocolate on cushions/ taking everything out of cupboards etc. The mum was kind of trying to stop them but very half-heartedly and it made me nervous watching them that they were going to trash the place. Now I have my own toddler I am a bit more sympathetic but not much- it is hard work having a toddler at someone else's house, but you have to deal with it and it is possible to stop them breaking/ ruining stuff, and if you can't then you really should take them home.

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