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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think this was an ott reaction??

172 replies

amibu · 01/04/2012 00:05

I've namechanged for this.
I went to someones house a few days back,
my DS was unfortunately very overtired , hyper and it had been a long day and his dummy had been misplaced which was making calming it down very difficult. He had an incident with a glass coaster which luckily didnt break when I'd tried to get it off him.
He wanted to colour in the living room but wasnt allowed.
I was trying to get him to sit down when one of the women said;

'I'm not being funny but don't let him touch anything or jump on the chairs I've worked really hard for what I've got!'

I was a bit embarassed and shocked, I didnt respond at all. another person did apologise for the behaviour as the whole room fell silent.

AIBU to feel a bit humiliated by this comment when it appeared obvious I was trying to calm a little monster down?

OP posts:
AuntLucyInPeru · 01/04/2012 03:57

I took DS aged 11 months to a residents assoc meeting in our street a few years ago.

DH was supposed to be home to look after him at 5.30pm so I could go alone, but he was late, and i was lonely and wanted to meet the neighbours so went along anyway and took him with me. I wrongly guessed it would be a family friendly affair..

Reader, it was a living hell. The host couple were in their 70s, very wealthy, and with a penchant for spindly-leg tables adorned with fragile china and rare breakable travel ornaments.

They put us in an alcove at the back of the room, hemmed in by rows of full chairs..DS shrieked whenever I held him, and tried to crawl under the chairs and/or pull himself up on the fragile tables if I put him down.

The hosts (not unreasonably) were clearly horrified at us. The male host was so worried my son might touch his beautiful curtains that he dashed over to loop them high, tugged them too hard, and pulled the whole curtain rail down on us. Packed room of seated pensioners turned in sync, of a single mind that the mad-woman with her awful son had finally trashed sweet hosts house. We didn't - he never touched them. We departed quickly though, as were clearly unwanted. Never returned, and sold up a year later.

Awful experience. I feel your pain Blush.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/04/2012 04:17

I can see both sides; but on balance, YABU. You felt humiliated. But she could have had her house trashed by a high-speed dervish. I'd consider that worse than a bit of humiliation - certainly a damned sight more costly. And TBH, I think your humiliation was the OTT reaction. In your shoes I'd have felt embarrassed, but not humiliated. In her shoes, having heard a child say he "wanted to colour in the living room", I'd probably have suggested you leave. Strongly.

Consider that maybe she does remember what toddlers are like, and how hard they are to control once they've set their mind to something. Or that she's had someone else's toddler trash her place recently. No, she was not OTT, not in the circumstances.

kotinka · 01/04/2012 04:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/04/2012 06:17

Oh *kotinka, what version of reality are you working with here? One where your home can be scribbled over and all you're supposed to do is stand by and say "Bless, he's quite the artist, isn't he?" I think I'd find that far FUCKING harder than any mothering I've done to date. It is not "curtains & cushions". It's my home. Mistreat it at your peril.

NoteSpelling · 01/04/2012 06:33

Were you letting him jump on the chairs then OP?

Glittertwins · 01/04/2012 06:39

I'd not be inviting kotinka in based solely on that statement!

OP, I admit that I am not the worlds biggest fan of other peoples' children however I would not say what was said to you, I would just be happy you were doing your best to calm him down. I would certainly be helping to find something for him to do happily so, on balance, she was more unreasonable.

After a crayon on cream wall incident shere, our two are banned from colouring in downstairs but as I wasn't sitting with them, it's not entirely down to them 2 yrs old at the time).

DPrince · 01/04/2012 07:48

Yabu. Why should others be ok with their things being damaged because of someone elses child? IMO, knowing your dc was in that mood you shouldn't have gone. As for kotinkas post, no one is comparing furnishings to children. Everyone else should not be left with a bill because a child visits. Keeping the child entertained its the parents responsibility.

DinahMoHum · 01/04/2012 07:53

YABU
If my children were being overtired and hyper and werent calming down in someone elses house (especially if they didnt have children or didnt look 100% comfortable with it), i would apologise and take them home.

MrsCampbellBlack · 01/04/2012 07:54

Oh dear. The hostess was rude but I just would have left earlier.

One of the things I've learnt after having more children is to know their limits and when they're tired/grumpy to just cut your losses and leave/not go to things.

I didn't used to do this with my first and would end up stressed and feeling like a failure as he was pretty umm monkey-like. But now - I just say 'sorry dc is too tired - we can't make that'.

And I really don't mean this in a smug way but its sometimes just best to leave a situation before it gets so awkward.

DollysDrawers · 01/04/2012 08:08

I'm afraid I wouldn't have let the situation get to this point. No way would I take my overtired, fractious child in to someones home especially if it was for the first time. She was a bit precious and the 'works hard' statement was a bit crappy but I do kind of see her point.

catsareevil · 01/04/2012 08:08

I can see the womans point of view here. It sounds like that type of situation where it would have been better to remove the child ASAP than to continue in that envionment, especially if the visit was related to work.

DaisyAndConfused · 01/04/2012 08:08

You are both BU. if my toddler is a PITA in someone else's house I deal with it or leave, it's not fair to anyone, especially LO.

She blurted something out and apologised, you should also apologise and put it behind you.

Yes it's hard but we can't expect everyone else to find our little darlings delightful as they wreck the joint.

TheSecondComing · 01/04/2012 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 09:07

No she didnt apologise , her relative apologised for her , she just stormed out.
The woman invited us to come and the only thing that irratated me is that I was raised if a toddler comes to your house and you have lots of 'trinkety things' lying around its your responsibility to move them, as the person who's visitng doesn't know what enviroment they are walking into. But also I can't expect everyone to be the same as me.
It was my work it was my DP so DP were talking shop upstairs whilst I was attempting damage control downstairs essentially, I was trying to grab him off the chairs.

OP posts:
Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 09:09

I cant totally understand if we had just walked in on a random visit but as this person invited us the crabbed at was quite nasty actually.

OP posts:
SmethwickBelle · 01/04/2012 09:10

Rude and rubbish host. Toddlers can a nightmare to contain when they're in that sort of mood, you were doing your best, I wouldn't go back there!

Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 09:11

other than the coaster incident no he was more looking in every cupboard , into everything I was trying to just keep him out.

OP posts:
DollysDrawers · 01/04/2012 09:12

She may not have felt she should move things in her own house though? To be honest, I never move stuff I just kind of expect another parent to tell their child no in these situations and deal with it. I would just chalk it up to a bad experience and never go again!

tootiredtothink · 01/04/2012 09:13

Got to be an April fool. You had me until the expectation of people removing their 'trinkity' things Wink

Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 09:15

No isnt always enough in these sits though and plus leaving glass objects at very low level is very stupid and dangerous , its hard when approaches are different , I would defniently move things like that and have done,
the only things I have out are not too precious so if they get broken its not a massive deal.

OP posts:
SuePurblybilt · 01/04/2012 09:15

So he was jumping off the chairs?

She was rude to make you feel uncomfortable but I can't help feeling she was a leetle justified, from what you've said. Or I could just be bitter.

I don't think it's your responsibility to move things in case a toddler comes round either, sorry. Is it not your responsibility to either keep hold of him or say 'look, I'm sorry, he's going to be a nightmare in here and I'm worried for your lovely things. Can we wait in the kitchen/garden?'

tootiredtothink · 01/04/2012 09:15

and the looking in every cupboard Grin

Original poster
amibu · 01/04/2012 09:15

why is is an april fool?

OP posts:
BareBums · 01/04/2012 09:16

Did she know you were bringing your DS? Did she know how old he was? Maybe she assumed he'd be in a pram?
I think she was just trying to show off her house tbh I've met people like this, their pfb is their house

SuePurblybilt · 01/04/2012 09:16

Oh, is it an AF? I could never tell, in AIBU Grin

Opening cupboards now?

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