to think this was an ott reaction??

[amibu]

I've namechanged for this.
I went to someones house a few days back,
my DS was unfortunately very overtired , hyper and it had been a long day and his dummy had been misplaced which was making calming it down very difficult. He had an incident with a glass coaster which luckily didnt break when I'd tried to get it off him.
He wanted to colour in the living room but wasnt allowed.
I was trying to get him to sit down when one of the women said;

'I'm not being funny but don't let him touch anything or jump on the chairs I've worked really hard for what I've got!'

I was a bit embarassed and shocked, I didnt respond at all. another person did apologise for the behaviour as the whole room fell silent.

AIBU to feel a bit humiliated by this comment when it appeared obvious I was trying to calm a little monster down?

No I was trying to restrain him and grab him off chairs, I've said that several times.

I might be alone in this but I was brought up to move low level things from a childs reach, my mums like that too and grandma.

but I'm guessing we are alone in that

Agree she was exceedingly rude. If I have a toddler in my house I would expect to move stuff to keep it safe. If I didn't like what the mum was encouraging her son to do I would say "would you mind.....". No need whatsoever for the "I've worked hard" comment. Most unnecessary gratuitous rudeness to an invited guest!

In order to grab him off chairs, he has to be on them - no? So she had a point

How big is this toddler that you have to 'try' to grab/catch/restrain him? Surely you just grab once, sit him on your knee and paste a manic grin on?

So he was jumping off chairs, opening cupboards, and a glass coaster "luckily didnt break" - and you think she was OTT? Seriously?

he's the size 0f a 4 year old very big ,
no she did specifically invited my ds and me.
I was gonna just go home.
I did pick him up a few times an d he wriggled out then was heading for another chair so I was already like eek!

You had me for a while there
Quite well done, started subtly.

"I might be alone in this but I was brought up to move low level things from a childs reach, my mums like that too and grandma."
I am definitely not might be alone in this, but I was brought up to respect other people's homes and stop a child from trashing it, my mum's like that too and my grans.

Where you left several times I have said I was trying to restrain my son from jumping and has apologised several times.
I have never at any point said 'why cant my son jump all over her chairs?'

never, I have said I am annoyed at people who are annoyed at people who willfully invited toddlers over but make no attempt to childproof. theres a big difference. if you have issues with reading I'm sorry for my bluntness.

She shouldn't have said it, but then you should have left when you saw things weren't going to get any better. Why did you stay?

Well I dunno but my own personal belief system (and that of my grandmother etc etc) would probably suggest that if you can't control a large toddler's behaviour by words, and you can't restrain him physically, then you should praps be addressing that before getting huffy with the people whose chairs he jumps on.

But that's just me

Well i explained he was overtired and cranky and the person was like 'no,no come over' .
so I felt a bit like urgh I cant win.
I did apologise for the coaster incident and did tell him off, its not like I was sitting in the next room doing nothing.

It was a dp related work visit . me knackered downstairs attempting to control a very overtiired hyper todddler, like I said i'd have happily gone home.
I understand where people are coming from but I would never justify my son jumping on chairs.

Actually this " I was raised if a toddler comes to your house and you have lots of 'trinkety things' lying around its your responsibility to move them, as the person who's visitng doesn't know what enviroment they are walking into. " makes perfect sense to me. I know this will sound weird to bring dog training into it but one thing I have learnt and try to stick to is managing the environment to avoid problems occurring. I don't think it's that far fetched to extend the same principle to young children who maybe don't know better and/or can be hard to control. If you are a host and have young children coming over and you care about your valuable possessions not being broken it makes more sense to remove them to somewhere safe now, far more than it does to do nothing and sit on a high horse later on getting angry at the parent for failing to control their child. Sitting on a high horse, as fun as that maybe, doesn't fix your broken possessions. That said, I don't think you can expect other people to do this, and I would still say the onus is on the parent to control their child. But an understanding host can make things a lot easier.

I do see that Dizzy and I'm sort of with you - certainly it's partly your own fault if you leave the priceless heirloom at toddler height.
She should have put the things in the cupboards. Oh, wait.........

lol being an at the moment a clueless childless adult (1st one the way ) I can certainly see myself putting things in a cupboard assuming they might be safe

We regularly have a friend come around -if we havent had prior warning so we can be out- with her badly behaved toddlers -little shits- who are into everything, opening cupboards, slamming doors, going into our kids rooms and annihilating models they have spent hours on, the relative responds with a giggle and a whoops, they can't wait to make that stuff for themselves, aren't they free spirited etc.... We grit our teeth and wait for them to leave -usually hours after they arrive-

Is it our responsibility to stop her letting her kids do whatever the fuck they want to in our house? Should we take our doors off the hinges, tie our cupboard handles together, tell our kids that there personal space isn't that and to move all their stuff above toddler reach? Of course we shouldn't!

Parents should learn to take responsibility for and control their own children's bad behaviour. Oh, and have some respect for other peoples belongings.

No consequence is too bad for someone who starts any sentence with "I'm not being funny, but...". So purely on those grounds YANBU.

There are two schools of parenting though aren't there?

The "I never have anything dangerous and interesting at eye level (for a toddler)" brigade and the "my child has learnt not to touch things" brigade.

Most of my friends fall into the last camp so I never move things when friends with little ones come to visit. Most of the stuff at eye level is interesting to toddlers (recycling/ large plant pots with soil) but not overtly dangerous. I usually offer some unbreakable things from my kitchen (mixing bowls/ wooden spoons) to play with despite all this I have one friend whose children are more "spirited" (i.e.. badly behaved) and her husband has told me several times that I should move things. I replied equally robustly. They still come round (but I'm not sure what the conversations in their household are like beforehand!).

I would expect parents to stop their children jumping on my sofa, opening cupboards etc. I would also expect them to have some distraction aid with them - games on a phone etc, book in the changing bag.

I agree lurker but theres a world of difference between plantpots and sharp glass ornaments.

I think because I was ready to go home, then was asked to come and then that happened, I felt a abit ambushed. But such is life I probably wont go again.

Rhino- why are you so angry your sit is very extreme and has no relevance to mine. I have stated several times I was trying to restrain him. tarring me with the same brush is ridiculous, address your literacy skills before pouring vitrol on me.

I am not angry, merely pointing out that your concept that it is the host's responsibility to make changes to their home, rather than a parent of a badly behaved child learn some parenting techniques, is flawed and self obsessed.

As for my literacy skills, do point out my errors and I will go and self flagellate myself prior to re-educating myself and addressing these heinous shortcomings.

Ps: whilst I am doing that you can address your spelling, it's vitriol not vitrol, and as you are clearly a champion of the written word it would have been gramatically correct to have written situation out in full.

I think I was more shocked at the 'I've worked hard for what I've got'

first I was thinking , did I say you hadnt? that bit unnesscarily aggressive.
and then just went out

so yeah just chalk it up to experience I wont be going again.

amibu Rhino's post doesn't sound particularly angry to me, just relaying her own experience. (Hate to say it but it's vitriol)

I think you should just put the whole thing down to a bad experience and forget about it, though perhaps try to think of other ways to handle a situation like this if it occurs again?

Rhino you are twisting what I am saying and largely exaggerating it, I was trying to restrain my son and getting him out of cupborads etc which makes it obvious I dont think its okay to jump on other peoples stuff.

I do object to possibly dangerous objects being left low level around young children, its basic safety tbqh.

if that makes me flawed so be it.