to think dd's teacher was maybe over-reacting a tad?

[Northernlurker]

Apparently dd has been 'very rude' today as per the message from teacher via after school club. Very rude consists of not listening to story but talking to friends and then saying 'no' when told to stop and 'no' when told to move. Now I agree this is very rude and the teacher obviously dealt with it at length because dd was in floods of tears when collected by after school club. I have spoken to dd and she was talking because the book was one we have at home and she was telling her friends as much. At the end of a hot day, at the end of term her attention is shot to pieces as is that of most of the other kids. AIBU to think that a message home about this infraction was overkill. She didn't get a warning, she didn't get a timeout - and really what am i supposed to do about this? i speak to dd about her day every day. i am clear about what is expected but seeing as she's a stubborn 4 who has been at school less than a term i don't expect miracles. Frankly impressed we've got this far.

Or should I be grovelling tomorrow?

Wow this thread is crazy.

My Dc's are empathetic caring sociable beings......they also have learnt that there are certain situations when they are not the centre of the universe and need to sit and listen respectfully to someone else. I beleive this skill will serve them well in later life.

Are you people still at it? Presumably you do have kids and homes and stuff to deal with? Let it go!

I haven't made any assumptions about the teacher or the child, becaue I don't know what she said to the child. I don't have the information to know how she handled the child at all, other than that the child ended up crying. Children sometimes cry,as many people on here have said it is a non event, they cry for multiple of reasons, on another day the same treament may not have ended in tears.

You know, one thing that seems to have escaped attention here is the fact that the other children were expected to get on with their business while their classmate cried. They packed their things and went home or to the after school club while she cried ('floods of tears').

you don't know that! another assumption based on absolutley no evidence!

You know, one thing that seems to have escaped attention here is the fact that the other children were expected to get on with their business while their classmate cried. They packed their things and went home or to the after school club while she cried ('floods of tears').

Math - you assume the very worst here. You don't know any of that. You don't know what efforts were made, in front of the other children, to calm her.

What is making some of us annoyed, upset, whatever, are these assumptions of the very worst, and your accusations.

The messages that you are conveying on this thread are getting lost in the exaggerated way you are representing things.

BTW - that leaflet on Guiding Children's Behaviour is really good.

Math

the OP says that she was in floods of tears when picked up from the after school club, she doesn't mention anything about the end of the lesson.

Actually it was after school, before ASC. OP clarified later on

gafhyb

sorry hard to keep up :)

There was also a surprise box (chinese takeaway plain white box) that contained a sticker. Chatty children would be asked to hold the box and allowed to open it if they had remained quiet

How fair is that? The quiet DC who always does as asked doesn't get to hold it-only as a bribe for those likely to play up.

Teacher's work a way to suit them. Bribery and stickers isn't mine-I don't mind if people use them but I don't think that we all need to be told how wonderful it was!

They packed their things and went home or to the after school club while she cried ('floods of tears').

We expose four year olds to a scene like that and a few years later we ask how we have ended up with so much bullying in schools, how we have ended up with children lacking in empathy for their classmates

You were there were you?.

sorry-getting an attack of apostrophes.

Wow this thread is crazy.

You can say that again!

Could the sticker thing backfire, too? Kids playing up in order to be the one bribed to behave next time? I can't believe the other kids perceive it to be fair - but, hey, once they don't cry about it...

It is very obvious to me that many people here on this thread have been conditioned to accept the distress of others and just shrug about it -- perhaps by exposure to scenes of children crying where they have been prevented by the authority figure from expressing empathy, perhaps in homes where the authority figure had a heavy handed approach.

That is where a bullying culture begins. Until there is an acceptance on the part of teachers of the idea that you cannot run roughshod over the feelings of small children there will always be a mixed message (at best) sent out to students about how to treat others.

Tell me, what do we all think of smacking?

"It is very obvious to me that many people here on this thread have been conditioned to accept the distress of others and just shrug about it -- perhaps by exposure to scenes of children crying where they have been prevented by the authority figure from expressing empathy, perhaps in homes where the authority figure had a heavy handed approach. "

Well there's no answer to that, is there? Essentially you're saying 'I'm right and if you say otherwise then it's because you've been psychogically damaged'.

Doesn't mean that you are right though.

Oh come off it.

It's really ironic that we are talking about listening to children, getting them to accept our point of view, possibly to change their way of doing things as a result, and you use this hectoring tone, and do not listen. It does not reflect well on you.

I have been on countless threads arguing against smacking, vociferously.

Oh math get you head out of your arse love. we are all clearly all evil bullies based on feck all evidence other than maths imagination.

'How fair is that? The quiet DC who always does as asked doesn't get to hold it-only as a bribe for those likely to play up.

Teacher's work a way to suit them. Bribery and stickers isn't mine-I don't mind if people use them but I don't think that we all need to be told how wonderful it was!'

-- So you don't keep a behaviour chart for the children in your room? One with stickers indicating effort acknowledged? Stickers that they can put on their chart after they have managed to keep quiet?

You don't thank the children for co-operation during the story or have them thank each other for co-operation when the story is over?

The way you work -- is it one size fits all?
Does it involve attention for negative behaviour more than catching children being good?
You don't seem ready to acknowledge (despite what you said earlier about different children needing a different approach) that it might be necessary to use a different approach for individual children...

I know who I'd like to smack...

I think the assertion (from Feenie?) that story time as I have described it is just the same as story time in schools across Britain was pretty wide of the mark...

I'll ask again, what do we think of smacking?

I've never used sticker charts. I've always preferred explanation and environmental changes. I always explain the effect of their behaviour on other people as well. And I hold little round-table discussions if the same pattern of problems, like fighting, happens.

Much like teachers might do at school, in circle time.

Are you seriously suggesting that the teachers on this thread don't give children attention for good behaviour? (I think we can assume the teacher in the OP doesn't because we know all about her)

Answered you math