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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a rant about wussy women?

328 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 27/03/2012 11:28

It is possible that women in this day and age can:

mow the lawn
have theur very own email address
drive when their hubby [bleurgh] is in the car
fill the car with petrol
sleep in the house without hubby being there.

I know you're ickle and cute and pwecious, but, ffs, man up.

OP posts:
ThisIsANickname · 27/03/2012 14:11

Ephiny, you do what you need to do to feel happy, contented and safe in your home. If that means not opening the door to strangers, more power to you.

lesley33 · 27/03/2012 14:12

ephiny - Thta is totally reasonable and sorry you had such a hard time. But it is the attitude of particular princessy woman that grates on me.

BrianTheBrainSurgeon · 27/03/2012 14:13

Ephiny, sorry for what happened to you, but surely this thread is meant to be light hearted and not meant to upset you (or Nickname)?

Mrskbpw · 27/03/2012 14:13

My dad is a waste of space (he's nice, though) and does nothing - literally nothing - around the house. My mum has always done all the cleaning, cooking, washing etc as well as mowing the lawn, doing car stuff, changing plugs, putting up shelves, painting, wallpapering etc.

Consequently, I have grown up more than capable of doing the same. But there's some things I don't like doing and I'm very glad I've got a husband who shares horrible jobs, unlike my poor mum.

But I also hate pathetic 'girly' girls. I work with one and she drives me mad - she's only 27. I was telling her about how my son plays knights and castles and rescues the princess. I always say "how about the princess rescues the knight?" or "maybe the princess has got herself out of the tower"... My colleague was appalled with me and said it was really nice and important that my son (who is four by the way) learned that women want to be rescued.

HoudiniHissy · 27/03/2012 14:15

love this thread....

Chaos, you are onto a winner!

Pwincesses are hardly likely to come on here and admit to being utterly wussy, helpless and feak and weeble...

besides there are no sparkly tickers over here

Proudnscary · 27/03/2012 14:15

This is one of the most defensive threads I've ever read!

Solo · 27/03/2012 14:19

May have already been said, but there are plenty of 'men' that can't use the washing machine or the vacuum cleaner too...
Me? I can do anything Grin and a lot of things men can't do just so you know.

Ephiny · 27/03/2012 14:19

Oh yes I get that it's light-hearted, and I'd probably be annoyed too if I met a grown woman putting on a helpless-little-girly act!

Just that sometimes on these threads there's a tendency to go too far the other way and make snide comments about all women who don't drive, do gardening, answer the door etc regardless of the reasons they might have - especially as I've never heard similar comments about men who don't do those things.

Probably I'm thinking more of past threads than anything that's really been said on this one so far - sorry :)

YonWhaleFish · 27/03/2012 14:23

I think the aim of the thread was more a bit of light hearted banter about women who bat their eyelashes and pander to "weak little woman" stereotypes to get what they want, rather than what they actually do jobwise? I took it that way.

Like I said in my little contribution, my DH does the jobs I don't want/can't do if I ask him.

I ask him in a normal, non fluttery way. It's the ridiculous simpering that does my head in, instead of a straightforward "I am nervous about taking my car into the garage, as I don't know much about it, will you come with me this time and I'll be able to cope after that / will you do it for me please".

fabulousdarling · 27/03/2012 14:32

Thisisanickname I am so with you. Attitudes on threads like this are the reason why I will never describe myself as a feminist. If a person chooses not to lawnmower their grass, or drive, or prefers complany in the house after dark who the hell's right is it to judge them? So let me see. Because I might choose not to drive, a woman who does is somehow more 'Woman' than me? Better than me?

Women are their own worst enemies.

Katienana · 27/03/2012 14:48

I've only just passed my driving test after almost 10 years on and off of learning, so can't comment on the driving thing. Husband has supported my learning with me taking our car out so I am used to having him as a passenger. But he probably enjoys driving more than I do and is very good at driving different types of vehicles, driving in unfamiliar places etc so I imagine him still doing the bulk of it. I will definitely drive when he's had a drink though!!
My mum NEVER drives with my dad as passenger. Apparently he is a terrible backseat driver. But my mum has driven abroad including in Malaysia which is a hairy experience for anyone. She had a friend out there who could drive but refused to, and in fact won't even go on the dual carriageway in our home town.
My DH and I stick to male/female roles but not 'just because' it's just that we happen to be better at the traditional things. I do all the cooking, and most of the housework. He does DIY (I have never been good at anything like that, woodwork was my worst subject at school), takes bin out etc. We decorate together but he does anything that involves electric sander, hammer, filler etc. He works away a lot and I miss him but am not scared to be alone in the house, or to use public transport. I am sensible though and make sure I ring someone every evening so they know I arrived home. I can get rid of spiders by myself but would probably freak out and book into a hotel if there was a rat or a mouse! None of this is 'because I'm a woman' it's 'because I'm me!'

RunningLatte · 27/03/2012 14:49

My DH develops a twitchy eye when I appear with the drill.....

I'll have a go at anything.I'll have a go at anyone who stops me having a go at anything.But I'm shite with a drill.

I think him indoors would often prefer to have a wussy woman...Grin

sunshineandbooks · 27/03/2012 15:02

I'm not sure how we linked this thread to feminism and saying feminists despise women who don't go out in the car alone or who won't answer the door late at night. I am a feminist and I might find think a woman who does that is misguided but I'd argue that society actually encourages women to think along these lines and therefore I wouldn't blame a woman for behaving like that.

How many times are women told not to: walk home alone, answer the door to strangers, leave their drinks unattended, etc. The message constantly being hammered home is "Women Beware! Possession Of A Vagina Makes You Vulnerable And You Have To Do This That And The Other To Protect Yourself."

These sorts of messages are harmful because they lead to women restricting their behaviour, when the truth is that you are actually far more likely to come to harm in your own home than you are driving or walking home alone late at night.

That's one of the reasons feminists argue against stereotypes - not because they think women who fit the stereotype are 'wussy' (though in some cases they are Wink, which is a personality thing not a gender thing BTW), but because they want society to be fairer. Why should women have to watch their safety when the risk is either not real or would be better managed by getting perpetrators to change their behaviour? And why should women not even try activities because from birth they are socialised into believing that some activities are 'male' and others are 'female'.

BrianTheBrainSurgeon · 27/03/2012 15:22

Grin "Women are their own worst enemies" - how's that for a sweeping generalisation!!!!

RunningLate that's very funny

fabulousdarling · 27/03/2012 15:36

I think feminists in their crusade to create more equality between men and women have also unwittingly done the reverse. Women are now being made to feel like less worthy women for not being completely self-sufficient or choosing to depend on a man to do anything for them.

It is this ideal of what a real worthy woman is, can and should do being constantly pushed that I who previously was very pro-feminism resent. Now women are the ones picking on other women, criticising their choices, and bodies and lifestyles and creating an unequal platform around stupid 'wussy' things like whether a woman chooses or refuses to learn to drive a car.

Kayano · 27/03/2012 15:38

I feel like a failure because I like to dress my baby girl in pink dresses.

I feel pressure to dress her in boys jeans and shirts or I can't call myself a feminist

Disclaimer stirring shit
GrinWink but seriously... Dd is in a pink dress today

lesley33 · 27/03/2012 15:39

Kayano Shock You are a very very bad femisit Grin

lesley33 · 27/03/2012 15:39

Or even feminist

Katienana · 27/03/2012 15:40

I think it would be foolish to ignore safety concerns just because you shouldn't have to - in an ideal world 5 year olds could cross the road safely alone because all drivers would drive slow enough to see them in time. I don't see how avoiding badly lit areas, making sure someone is expecting you home at a certain time so they can raise the alarm when you don't show, and only getting into licenced taxis after a night out is really restricting our freedoms that much. To be honest I would advise men to do the same! Only little things but if they save your life it's worth it.

SantieMaggie · 27/03/2012 15:49

The one that annoys me (along with those already mentioned) is when they can't walk into a pub or something on their own even if they likely know everyone inside and have been going there for 20 years! If i had this attitude i wouldn't eat when i'm away with work... but then i probably wouldn't stay in a hotel on my own or get a train on my own either....

NarkedPuffin · 27/03/2012 15:53

I think we should add men that are 'useless around the house' to the OP. Because it's the same gender stereotypical shit involved. Ovaries don't mean you can't operate a lawn mower or get home alone at night and testicles don't mean that you can't work a washing machine or look after children.

TwllBach · 27/03/2012 15:55

I work with a woman that doesn't do stuff like that but in a manipulative way like someone right at the top of the thread.

I thought she was joking when she first said no to something I asked if she could help me with. I laughed. Awkward silence. Then I twigged.

She is the sort of person (not specifically a woman) that makes my blood boil

I can't even begin to describe how much

But she does it on purpose I want to scream, every FUCKING time she rings the site manager to change a bulb/fuse/fix a drawer.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 27/03/2012 15:59

Cripes, criper and cripest.

Thus thread was not to damn every woman who doesn't do those listed things.

It was a rant about those who choose to play the delicate flower card to get out of stuff completely within their capability as they want their big hunky stwong partners to do stuff that in sone weird place may start to edge into the realms of BlueJobs.

Sigh.

Thanks to those who saw the thread's true intentions - I love you all - now come round and change my lightbulbs while I pour you a cup of tea with my pinky sticking out.

OP posts:
BrianTheBrainSurgeon · 27/03/2012 16:04
Ruggybug · 27/03/2012 16:05

I've only recently just passed my driving test and I had to fill the car with petrol for the first time in my life the other day.I had my toddler and baby in the back and I felt out of my 'comfort zone' but I did it.
Also haven't done the lawn but would do it only my dh just does it when I'm not in/dealing with dc etc and I don't even notice tbh.
Sleeping in house on my own I have done many times when my dh used to travel with work.Only time I found this difficult was when I stupidly watched Crimewatch and it was about a guy breaking into homes late at night and attacking the victims etc then I was abit Shock
This thread has made me think though as I have wallpaper that needs putting up and I would never excuse myself for not doing it because I was female but because I have 2dcs 20m and 3yrs running around 24/7 and noone to mind them so when it comes to that I will get dh involved.