to have a rant about wussy women?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

It is possible that women in this day and age can:

mow the lawn
have theur very own email address
drive when their hubby [bleurgh] is in the car
fill the car with petrol
sleep in the house without hubby being there.

I know you're ickle and cute and pwecious, but, ffs, man up.

Golly gosh Chaos - this is the first time I've ever seen you a bit riled.

I totally get where you are coming from, though - I've always had to do all 'man' stuffs due to DH disappearing regularly over the horizon in one of Her Maj's Grey Funnel Line cruise ships. If I didn't do it, it didn't get done - and for six or seven months too.

I'll have a bash at most things and am quite happy to encourage large spiders to vacate the premises via the medium of paper cup.

I don't mow the lawn because I've been told, -you are the wife and I am the man, so you cook the dinner- I'm not kidding. This was a few years ago and we've ironed that particuar issue. MIL won't drive with FIL in the car, neither will SIL. I will and offer him the option to walk if he starts. I confess to letting the OH drive when we go out, but that's so that I can drink as he kind of prefers not to.

Other than that, I'm an adult and I do things unless it's going to put my back into spasm. It has happened. Or if I physically cannot reach, short arse!

Her Maj's Grey Funnel

I've done all of this stuff for myself in the last few years (newly LP and passed driving test.) It's only scary once.

I would flutter anything that moved at someone before I'd change a tyre though. I don't trust myself to tighten the nut thingies properly. Doesn't have to be a man, I'd flutter at a gibbon if they'd do it for me.

It is this ideal of what a real worthy woman is, can and should do being constantly pushed that I who previously was very pro-feminism resent. Now women are the ones picking on other women, criticising their choices, and bodies and lifestyles and creating an unequal platform around stupid 'wussy' things like whether a woman chooses or refuses to learn to drive a car.

Go find me a feminist text that shows me that. The above is your perception of feminism and isn't accurate, though it's been very effectively pedalled by those who wish to push back women's rights and social status. The one thing pretty much all feminists agree on is that feminists should listen to and respect other women's voices (even if we disagree with them) because our male-dominated society generally doesn't. Having an analysis of how our society encourages women to wear make-up for example is not the same thing as belittling women for choosing to wear it and you may even find that many feminists wear makeup.

The risk thing actually illustrates the point beautifully. You know the safest way to keep yourself protected from rape or violence? Stay single and never have a relationship with a man, since the vast majority of rapes and violence against women occur in relationships and quite often in their own homes. Yet we don't hear women being encouraged to stay single do we? If I suggested all women did that (which I'm not going to) I would be accused of being hysterical and over-reacting. Yet apparently it's fine to tell women they must not go out alone at night because of substantially lower risk of being raped by a stranger.

It's all about perception and expectation.

I mow the lawn
I have my own e-mail address (and one for Norman The Foreman)
I don't drive at all, as I tried to learn many years ago and was spectacularly crap at it. Similarly I don't fill the car up with petrol, because I don't drive it (but would do if I did drive it).
I sleep in the house without dh here - in fact I get a much better night's sleep without him tossing and turning!

I also take the bins out, do most of the decorating, change lightbulbs etc. Don't really do DIY, but have never learned how to. It's not really something I'm that interested in though, so if dh wasn't keen to do it I would probably pay a handyman to do it.

Oh, and I often walk to places after dark (because I don't drive, and I live in a reasonably safe area) and am quite happy to go into a pub on my own. I've also been away for a weekend on my own to go to a cricket match, travelled there by train by myself, stayed in a hotel on my own, went to the match by myself and ate at a restaurant alone. Are there really women out there who wouldn't do those sort of things? I thought going on a train alone etc was quite normal.....

fabulous is not about being less or more or a better woman. If a woman chooses that she will have someone else do tasks or chooses to rely on someone else-fine.

I don't want my dds to think they cant do something because they are female though. And I don't want them to have to rely on a man to mow the lawn/change a tyre, in the same way I want them to know, that they don't have to cook and clean for a man, just because they are female. The best way in my opinion, to teach them this is by example

I'm interested to hear whether people who don't do these things, think it has any impact on their dcs attitude to their roles in life/ relationships? And does it matter?

Wussiness is a state of mind (with hair flicks and added simpering), and cannot necessarily be defined by a list of tasks or 'much-too-scary' scenarios.

Wussiness is also different from everyon'e s strengths and weaknesses.

And, Oh, god, I hate uneccessary, hair-flicky, simpery, girly-voiced 'oh he so protects me' wussiness!

StrandedBear - that puts you alongside men who pretend not to be able to use a washing machine or do the washing up, or change a nappy.

bejeezus I completely agree with you. You made your point perfectly.

im not a wuss, but I have a dp. and like my mum says ' why keep a dog and bark yourself'
he he (naughty giggle in case dp sees this!)

This thread's reminded me of a daft comment my Mum made at the weekend. I'm planning on driving to the other end of the country with DS and she remarked that it was strange that it was just me and DS going. "Are you going to be alright driving all that way by yourself? Do you know the way? How come your DP isn't going with you?" with a very worried look on her face.

Yes Mother, I will be fine. I used to drive all over the country by myself when I was a teen - i think I can manage now I'm in my 30's

Oh and "Won't you need to navigate while DP drives" and bafflement from her.

(and can do all of the things in the OP - but DP likes doing them, so who am I to stop him )

Stranded, honestly? It's not so good. Why not teach your daughter that she can conquer the world? That she doesn't need a man to carry her?

Well, provided she is well aware that she doesn't need a man to carry her, the fault lies with the man who will carry her just because she asked :)

Meh. Some would say I'm well on the way to the top in my competitive game.

Never had to manipulate anyone to get there though. Feels very very sweet.

I do all those things. And I'm so good at reversing our estate car into tight spaces, I often take a triumphant photo of it on my phone.

Coming from a very traditional home/community made me a feminist... When my dad saw dh hanging out washing i'n the early days of us living together, my dad mocked dh (and got short shrift from me).

What message does it give to anyone's dc if their mother does wuss out of those things?

I was abroad recently and astounded a fellow female holidaymaker by saying I enjoyed driving there..her husband always drove while abroad because she was scared of it.

Maybe you would class me as a wuss OP as I do get scared of being in the house alone, have nightmares if I watch a horror film, and feel like I'm going to have a panic attack if I drive on the motorway. Driving abroad not an option as I feel sure I would crash.
However, I don't feel like an itty bitty princess woman. Its just that I am a scaredy cat.
My problem is not with chicken shit women who are scared of driving/spiders/whatever. Its when these women wear these things as a badge of womanhood and think that other women who are capable of putting up shelves, driving DH around etc are somehow unfeminine. Ugh, I hate the word. As if fending for yourself makes you a man, somehow. I have met many women who judge others like this, they are usually the types who describe themselves as Daddys Girls or have stickers reading Powered by Fairy Dust on their cars.

I hate putting gas in the car and mowing the lawn so I make politely ask DH to do it (he's always up for a garden/car chore). However, because he always fiddles with the knobs/mirrors/seats in the interest of not reinforcing gender stereotypes I insist on always driving when we go somewhere as a family.

DH is strictly forbidden from going anywhere near my computer, let alone my e-mail. I don't want him all up in my internet history! 'Tis like a portal to my BRAIN.

You kind of ruined your point op when you said 'man up'

Um, think that was deliberate irony, which the OP pointed out later on for those who had missed it...