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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a rant about wussy women?

328 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 27/03/2012 11:28

It is possible that women in this day and age can:

mow the lawn
have theur very own email address
drive when their hubby [bleurgh] is in the car
fill the car with petrol
sleep in the house without hubby being there.

I know you're ickle and cute and pwecious, but, ffs, man up.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 27/03/2012 12:02

I avoid driving whenever possible. If i didn't live alone, then i would avoid everything else on the list.

My dogs in season and has diarrhea, so i had real fun doing the garden and cleaning everything afterwards, last night.

I have used being female to get out of doing things Blush.

I don't mind what anyone does, as long as they don't try to tell me that me or my DD's cannot do things, based on gender.

wishiwasonholiday · 27/03/2012 12:02

I do all those things myself, but if I'm not sure how to do something I ring my single mum friend! She must hate my phone calls last time it was to help unblock the toilet then jump start my friends car! ( I did help though so I know for next time!)

kittyandthefontanelles · 27/03/2012 12:02

My husband has just mowed the lawn actually but he only passed his driving test yesterday and prior to that I did all the driving. I bleed the radiators, he Hoovers. We both cook. We both change nappies. We are very happy

NanAstley · 27/03/2012 12:02

Chaos I couldn't agree more.

I never mow the lawn, but that's because I have hayfever, not because I'm a delicate woman. If dh doesn't do it (and he often doesn't) then I ring our local gardener and get him to do it instead. The point is that I don't depend on dh to get it sorted.

Similar with driving. My job involves a lot of driving, and dh uses public transport. So if he's ever around, I force him to drive to give me the chance to be the passenger. Nothing to do with being female.

I know one woman who is exactly as described in the OP and she does my head in. Won't change the light bulbs, won't try putting flatpack furniture together. If you try it and you're shit and it, and then you delegate the task to someone who's better at it (male or female), then that's fair enough. But to not even try because you're a woman?

TheOneWithTheHair · 27/03/2012 12:03

I don't mow the lawn because I can't be arsed. I love being in the house on my own at night. It's a luxury for me. I do everything to do with the car myself as its MY car and I always drive when dh is in the car unless he is designated driver.

He has been known to drive and then get out and let me park because I'm better at it than he is. Grin

Oh and I have my own email that he is not allowed to read without permission. It's the same as reading someone else's post IMO.

scaryteacher · 27/03/2012 12:03

I don't mow the lawn as I have a bad track record with sharp things, and I like my toes...and my Mum has forbidden me to do it!!!

I do drive dh and he drives me, depends where we're going and which car we use.

I have my own email address, and fill my car with petrol. I also have spent the best part of 15 years sleeping in the house without my husband as he was somewhere under the ocean.

I can do all these things, however, having had to do them myself over many years, it is nice to have them done for me sometimes.

Notinmykitchen · 27/03/2012 12:04

YWNBU until you said "man up" at the end! These things are not manly, and any healthy woman can do them! I hate that bloody phrase!

Ephiny · 27/03/2012 12:04

I've never met anyone like that. Sounds very annoying!

lambethlil · 27/03/2012 12:04

I read the OP and felt vey proud as I have done all those things in the last 2 days. Whoop whoop!

But now I see the're not considered that great anyway. Blush

MsVestibule · 27/03/2012 12:06

YANBU to find these sort of women annoying, although I don't actually know anybody like this.

YABU to use a phrase like man up. That, and grow a pair really irritate me. Do we really have to take on stereotypical male characteristics to be considered strong and confident Hmm ?

lesley33 · 27/03/2012 12:07

YANBU I hate that too. Unless you have a disability all women who dricve are capable of doing everything on that list.

But I think YVU to say they should "man up" - hate the phrase with its sexist connotations.

MsVestibule · 27/03/2012 12:08

Cross posts, kitchen. Pleased I'm not the only one!

AngelsWithSilverWings · 27/03/2012 12:08

I won't use our lawn mower - horrible temperamental petrol thing ( even my FIL has told my DH to buy a new one as he used to do the lawn for us but refuses now) - if we get a nice new one I will happily mow the lawn.

Re email addresses. My address looks like it's shared with DH because it contains both our first names but it is mine and mine alone. We set it up when we adopted our DS so that we could email updates and photos to the family while the introduction process was happening so that all of the replies and good wishes could be kept on one account.

This coincided with me giving up work and losing my work email account so I've just kept it rather than open a new one in my name.

We share driving. I used to laugh when I picked DH up from the station everyday at all the women who as soon as their DH arrived would dutifully vacate the drivers seat so that the DH could drive home. Very odd.

As my DH is often working all night I have no problem being alone in the house. Even though I did wake up one morning to find a stranger asleep on the sofa downstairs! ( I'd stupidly left the back door open)

carabos · 27/03/2012 12:09

What about women who won't drive a car abroad? I get this all the time - "Oh we couldn't take the car on holiday because DH/P would have to do all the driving, I don't know how you dare drive on those big empty motorways in Holland awful motorways." Hmm.

IAmBooyhoo · 27/03/2012 12:09

was in the car a few months ago with my friend and we were going into the city so she needed to fill up. got to the petrol station and she said, "right, what do i do here?" Shock she has been driving 7 years and had never put petrol in her car til that day despite that fact that her DH doesn't drive so he would never have been in the car without her in it.

Birdsgottafly · 27/03/2012 12:10

Thinking about it though, if a woman doesn't feel confident about being alone, it may be through past experience and that shouldn't be commented on.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 27/03/2012 12:11

How about driving at night?

FGS!

TroublesomeEx · 27/03/2012 12:12

Well I don't mow the lawn, it gives me backache - but I do plenty of other stuff. I do the painting and decorating, the putting up of shelves and assembling of all flat pack furniture.

I have lots of email addresses for different purposes!

I always drive when DH is in the car. I'd been driving for 6 years when he took and passed his test so that's our default. He only drives if he goes out alone.

I don't fill the car with petrol. It's a diesel car Wink. But then I don't fill it with diesel either. DH does do that. But I check the oil and take it for the MOT/service. The V5 is in my name and I am the policy holder for the insurance. Does that count? We only have one car - no need for 2.

I love sleeping in the house when DH isn't here (much quieter) and I watch horror movies on my own in the dark. ooooooh.

TheLastHappyHop · 27/03/2012 12:14

I have seen it from the other side, though. My dsis (5'1 and under 8 stone) always went all out to prove that she could do everything that a man can do. Hauled big heavy bags of compost around, did all the digging, etc. in a large garden, dragged ladders and cleared the guttering, handled big heavy trailers, plus all decorating - you get the picture. Plus all the housework as she would never admit to needing any help.

She's 16 yrs older than me so I can see how it's panned out. Her husband got into the habit of doing NOTHING apart from going to work. Had a lovely life until she divorced him, but her current partner has gone from reasonably dynamic to being exactly the same.

The men were lazy and taking advantage, yes - but my sister refused all help. That's exactly what my own husband would do if I took the same approach. Dsis is now in her 50s and in terrible pain with early-onset arthritis and long term muscle damage.

So yes, sometimes I do ask dh to do heavy things that - if I tried - I could physically do, but at double the effort. I'm not going to hurt myself just to prove a point.

And sometimes it's things that are just as easy for me to do as it is for dh. Putting up shelves is an example. Because if I didn't ask him to do these things, he would do fuck all. And yes, I know that's a problem in the dynamic of our marriage, but I have never yet found the solution and it isn't worth leaving him over it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/03/2012 12:14

I can drive with dh in the car - I prefer not to because he back-seat (well, passenger-seat) drives.

I am aware that I can be wussy about some things, and have been wussier in the past - I used to hate it when dh was away, and I was alone in the house at night (apart from the children) - but I didn't make a fuss about it, because I knew he had to go away sometimes as part of his job, so I just got on with it - and now I look forward to having the bed to myself and no-one nicking the duvet.

I am also aware that, because of my depression, I can get a bit house-bound - I am wussy about going to new places by myself - but usually I do make myself do these things because I don't want to give into the negative feelings. I feel a sense of achievement if I do something on my own that I have not been looking forward to doing.

I also take full advantage of the things that are out there that can help me with my wussiness. Things like the sat nav. When we moved up to scotland, one of the things that I worried most about was finding my way to all the new places - every journey was going to be a new one - so I got a sat nav, which took away that stress of going somewhere new and trying to either memorise the directions or read them as I was driving along.

fabulousdarling · 27/03/2012 12:14

I think you are being very judgy and very unreasonable. Concentrate on your own life and stop judging other people and what they choose to do or not do in their relationships.

This thing where other women tell other women how they should behave in order to be defined as a 'strong woman' winds me up no end.

Mind your own business and judge people by how they react when life throws real shit at them.

mmmerangue · 27/03/2012 12:14

lukeiamyourmother - what a good friend she must be, to leave you in her wake for the murderers to tackle when her gallant prince arrives and carries her off ... Hmm

While I was at Uni, my 2 male flatmates were happy to walk out and meet me at 1am if I had drunk misplaced my taxi money, I would start walking back and they would meet me at the edge of the town centre because well, there are a few situations where being a woman alone can be dangerous. I may have just about played the weak and feeble woman card then, but it beats getting raped... Don't think I can think of another reasonable situation. Can anyone else?

lesley33 · 27/03/2012 12:15

Birds - It may be because of past experiences. But I have met plenty of women like this where it is nothing to do with a past or traumatic experience.

BalloonSlayer · 27/03/2012 12:16

I don't mow the lawn because I felt if I did it once it might turn out to be another one of those skills that DH lost as soon as I moved in with him. These include:

  • sewing on buttons
  • cleaning the toilet
  • changing the duvet cover ("But it's so haaaaaard!" "Yeah? Well you managed to do it the day I first came to spend the night, didn't you?")

However he still irons, cooks, hoovers. And he has NEVER been able to decorate or do DIY. Doesn't know the difference between gloss and emulsion. And declared his car dead with a "flat battery" last year so I called out the RAC. I then had to call them back to cancel as I tried the car, battery was fine, and it started with just a teeny bit of persistence which DH was quite unable to muster. Hmm

DaisySteiner · 27/03/2012 12:16

I don't mow the lawn or change tyres and I seldom drive when he's in the car. I'm perfectly capable of all those things, I just don't much like doing them and as he's happy to do them, I let him Grin Plus I am notoriously bad at reading signposts so we tend to get lost more often if I drive.

I can and do change plugs, put together flat-pack furniture (did the whole kitchen all-by-my-ickle-self), sleep in the house by myself and kick tradesman's arses into gear Wink I also have 4 (!!) email accounts all of my very own Grin

Hoping this gets me out of the wussy-camp Blush