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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a rant about wussy women?

328 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 27/03/2012 11:28

It is possible that women in this day and age can:

mow the lawn
have theur very own email address
drive when their hubby [bleurgh] is in the car
fill the car with petrol
sleep in the house without hubby being there.

I know you're ickle and cute and pwecious, but, ffs, man up.

OP posts:
ToriaPumpkin · 27/03/2012 12:44

lukeiamyourmother I have friends like that. Unfortunately he has a wicked sense of humour and so has been known to hide things from her! He also unintentionally killed a plant by putting it somewhere she couldn't even see it never mind reach it and then going on holiday for two weeks.

Annunziata · 27/03/2012 12:44

YANBU!! Although DH has to drive at times because we don't all fit in my car and I can't reach the pedals in his stupid big tank!

And don't get me started on men who carry their wife/ girlfriend/ partner's handbag!!!

only4tonight · 27/03/2012 12:45

No! Deciding to act helpless on a permanent basis deserves to be judged! I would be horrified if Dd grew up thinking that she had to rely on a man to rescue her the entire time. How can you tell if a relationship is really based on love and respect if you couldn't survive on your own.

CMOTDibbler · 27/03/2012 12:45

My SIL is like that, and even worse, it makes BIL all swaggery about simple stuff.

Can't be doing with it myself - the only stuff I don't do is because a disability means I can't

MsVestibule · 27/03/2012 12:46

Big Jessie - you have obviously missed out on a very important life lesson, so I'll explain:

Women's work - cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, washing up, sorting out anything to do with school, buying children's clothes, making doctor's appointments. Please note, this list is not exhaustive and it makes no difference whether you work full time, or are a SAHM.

Men's work - mowing the lawn, getting rid of spiders, putting the bins out, changing lightbulbs, all DIY. Please note, this list is exhaustive.

HTH Wink.

ivykaty44 · 27/03/2012 12:49

He is only better at parking the flipping car as he gets more practice as he does it all the time.

I can park, it wasn't part of my driving test as I took my test to long ago - but I can park in a tight space without an issue.

I have to put air in the tyres, fill up with petrol, check the oil and water under the bonnet and make sure the stearing fluid hasn't dropped.

I have to drive us half way across france to our holiday destination and I have to do all the driving, I have to drive at night and I have to read a map when going somewhere new as I don't have sat nav.

I know how to put air in the bike tyres and change the cleat tension alter the brakes, I have had to learn these things as I can't keep asking other people to do these things for me - that would be silly

I have to mow the lawn as if I don't it gets to long and makes it a harder job - no one else will mow the lawn.

I sleep in the house on my own or with my dc every night, I put the rubbish out and clean the windows, clear the guttering and sort out the fuse box.

My daughters have grown up with a mother doing all these things and thankfully think it is normal and attempt all sorts themselves, no one thankfully would accuse them of being ikle girls.

yes you can pay someone to do a job - but not every job and how do you know if you pay for a car service that it has been done if you have no idea where to look under the bonnet?

Becaroooo · 27/03/2012 12:50

I quite like it when dh is away with work...no farting or snoring in bed! Miss him though after a few days...

Why wouldnt you drive if your dh/dp was in the car? Why wouldnt you fill it with petrol??? I dont think I know anyone like this!!....

brighthair · 27/03/2012 12:55

I live on my own so I do most things myself. However if I can't do something I have no issues with going "Daaaaad"
He likes DIY and changing the hallway lights are left to him as they're awkward feckers that even he struggles with. And I couldn't bear the wrath if I broke one Grin

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 27/03/2012 12:56

mow the lawn - we have no lawn now, but when we had one DH mostly used to cut it because he bought a giant pig of a petrol powered monstrosity to cut it with and I hated it. When he was away I used to borrow a much more manageable electric one with a safety cut out from next door and cut it myself. I did once manage to cut of part of my thumb with a wonky tin opener, while DH works under helicopter rotor blades on a daily basis and is still alive and intact (touch wood), so I have to admit he's probably safer with a lawn mower than I am.

have theur very own email address - I have my own email address and it's in my maiden name too.

TheBigJessie · 27/03/2012 12:57

MsVestibule

That's what I thought! Why?!

On AIBU, for example, I keep seeing people refer to splitting chores that way as if putting the bins out is the huge problematic job. "mowing the lawn, getting rid of spiders, putting the bins out, all DIY" (she was fussy about lightbulbs, though) is basically what I did as a child, to contribute to the house, and I wouldn't have dreamed of saying that things were split equally between my mother and I.

I could quite well see I wasn't doing half of everything when I was eleven. An adult couple should be able to see the same.

KeepingAwayFromTheJoneses · 27/03/2012 13:00

My arms are too short to pull the starter thing on the mower, but once it is started I can mow the grass. I do a very poor job though, but that is more down to the state of the grass to begin with, I suspect. We are not really gardeners.

If I didn't do any of the above Husband would take the piss mercilessly. It is ok for other women to be wimpy and pathetic but not for me Hmm

I hate driving with him in the passenger seat as he just goes to sleep and is no company whatsoever and I am always left wondering why I bothered to bring him in the first place. That doesn't mean I can't do it. I spent the entire weekend driving him around while he snoozed and I hissed at the children to keep quiet. Very relaxing it was too.

TheBigJessie · 27/03/2012 13:00

When I rule the world, lectures on simple mathematics, as regards both time, physical effort, and mental effort will be compulsory!

Adayforthinking · 27/03/2012 13:02

I don't think it's wussy to have your man mow the lawn or any of the other things (although mowing the lawn is the only thing out of your list that I don't do).

I carried his DD for 9 months and for 12 weeks of that jabbed myself with insulin 5 times a day then suffered a horrid labour.

So, as far as I'm concerned, he can mow the lawn every day for the rest of our lives and still couldn't compete with that! Grin I've earned the right to refuse to mow the lawn! he's also better at housework than me so I just let him do it

Besides, why take away the only job in the world that is 'Man's work' as he calls it - let's face it, there's not much these days (if anything) that women can't do as well or better than them! LOL

MsVestibule · 27/03/2012 13:08

That's what I thought! Why?!

Ah, Jessie, if you find the answer to that one, you've solved most marital disputes at a stroke...

I could come up with a few theories, but they'd just be the usual, banal (but probably true) ones, e.g. "it's how we we saw our parents doing things". Regretfully, however hard we try not to, we often end up like our parents, taking on their good and bad traits. For example, I was independent, bought my own house at 19, became a bank manager, and then had 2 DCs in my mid/late 30s. I'm now a SAHM who shouts at her kids - just like my mum!!!

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2012 13:09

I'd never actually realised that some men do all the driving because its men's work. Dh drives long distances if we're together as he gets car sick. For anything up to an your or so it depends who wants to drink, whose car has the child seats in, who needs to do worrying else first etc. Probably ends up about equal.

bronze · 27/03/2012 13:15

mow the lawn - I probably could but I'm not going to when it's one of the jobs DH will actually just get on and do

have their very own email address - have several

drive when their hubby [bleurgh] is in the car - well leaglly I can't drive without him in the car but as I only drive with my instructor...

fill the car with petrol - see above, never have because I've never needed to, I have helped when the lpg pump attachment has beena bugger though

sleep in the house without hubby being there.- all the time, in fact I prefer it (no snoring)

We have our own tools too as we always argue about who lost the screwdriver etc.
This week I put together a chicken run, sorted all the bikes for the summer and baked. i don't mow the lawn or do petrol, so bloody what

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/03/2012 13:20

DH comes from a culture where men and women's roles are more segregated by sex than in the UK. I remember one of his friends being really shocked when he came to help DH with fitting a new kitchen to find me with a Yankee screwdriver (the big spiral ratchet ones) building the kitchen cabinets in the sitting room.

I do drive with DH in the car but he is a better driver than me and I am a better navigator than him so he is more likely to drive on a long journey.

As for putting the bins out usually its the person who is next heading out of the front door as our bin is in front of the building.

I hate the idea of using "contrived patheticness" to control another person.

Haziedoll · 27/03/2012 13:29

Mow the lawn - um no, I can't be arsed to get it out of the shed, dh has stored a load of junk on top.

Email address - I have my own business address but not personal. Dh set this up and I was a bit miffed that he didn't do separate ones. Will set up my own when we get a new PC as it keeps crashing. I access all the emails on my iPhone anyway.

Driving with dh in car - I don't have a car at the moment but absolutely no way!!

Petrol - yes when I had a car.

Thistledew · 27/03/2012 13:30

In my household, the chores are split on 'gender lines' to a significant extent.

I do the majority of the DIY and gardening, including mowing the lawn.

DP does most of the laundry and bakes.

I cook, he washes up. We both do the rest of the cleaning.

We share the driving, particularly on long journeys, although if one or the other of us is tired, the other will do the whole trip. The only concession I make to DP driving when it would actually make more sense for me to do so is when we share a trip to work and he is dropped off first: it would make more sense for me to drive all of it, but I am horribly groggy most mornings so appreciate an extra half hour to properly wake up. I do feel like having a sign to explain that I am not in the passenger seat through any sense of subservience when we swap round at his place of work Grin.

Haziedoll · 27/03/2012 13:31

Forgot to add sleep in the house on my own -yes I do regularly.

SpringHeeledJack · 27/03/2012 13:33

all the peeps who say mowing the lawn is hard must have fucking big lawns

bronze · 27/03/2012 13:34

Just told my DH about this thread. His reply 'good, the lawnmower is in the shed'
Shot myself in the foot on that one. Grin

He also laughed at the idea that though I only manage less than 50% of that list that I may be in any way wussy.

Agincourt · 27/03/2012 13:35

yanbu because I ahve always been independant anyway but isn't it to do with fathers and their daughters and their relationship and how she, as the daughter is treated? My sil is like your OP and my late fil put her on absolute pedestal and she still finds it very difficult (in her 50s) to do much for herself apart from bitch and moan Whereas my dad was bloody useful, he never really loved me, has bugger all to do with me and I have always had to get on with things. I remember when i was in my 20s having to pick up a dead fucking pigeon out of my dd's bedroom that had fell down her chimney with loads of other stuff, thinking it would be nice to have a dad who could come rescue the situation, remove the bird and make me a cup of tea, but instead i did it myself.

Sorry for using what must seem a pathetic example, as there have been huge ones besides that :o but it must be nice to have someone to help you when you don't want to do something. Like digging your pet dogs grave for example :(

Agincourt · 27/03/2012 13:36

my dad was useless not use*ful, oops Blush

QuickLookBusy · 27/03/2012 13:38

I have never mowed a lawn in my life. I am small and pretty ineffectual at pushing a big petrol mower. I would think my Dh a prat if he left me to push a bit of heavy machinery around for an hour and a half. Anyway Dh likes mowing the lawn.

I have however done most of the decoration in our homes, I can paint, hang wallpaper etc. DH is awful at decorating.

Dh often works away during the week and I have survived, though I don't actually like it very much, it doesn't make me wussy. I just miss him.