AIBU for not giving my daughter toast

[misspedantic]

My daughter messed around at teatime, which was late (at around 7.30) because she had a friend over to play. She didn't eat any of the pasta I gave her, even though I told her to eat and is now crying because she is hungry. She has constantly come out of her bedroom for the past hour crying that she is hungry. She does have a problem with food but this pasta is her favourite. I'm fed up with her wasting food and then making toast for her...

AIBU for refusing to feed her toast?

Again Damnbamboo what would you have?

Pasta (boring dinner food) or Fruit and a yoghurt for refusing your pasta

The difference, Bamboo, is that an adult would earn the money, budget for food, buy the food, prepare the food then wash up after eating the food. A child won't do any of that, they just eat the food! Kids need to learn to respect the effort their parents put into providing for them.

IMO, using food as a weapon would be saying, for example, 'if you don't do what I want I won't provide you with anything to eat', not what the OP is doing.

If op was using food as a weapon she would have refused food over an unrelated issue, ie you were badly behaved in the supermarket today, now you Will have no dinner.
This is not the situation, the child has chosen not to eat, knowing there Will be no alternative.

I think you did the right thing. You gave her the option of eating the pasta or going to bed hungry. She chose the later, so maybe she'll think twice next time. Well done you for sticking to your guns!

I don't see it as using food as a weapon.

The choice of whether to eat or not was hers. The consequence was that nothing else would be on offer until breakfast. I would not have offered alternatives. When she wakes, she will have breakfast .

YABU. I could never send my DCs to bed hungry. If they didn't eat the meal at the mealtime, they got either the leftover that they hadn't eaten at the mealtime or - if they really didn't like the meal - some bread/toast and apple.

Give her the toast tonight and think about how to deal with food in general tomorrow.

You did the right thing, don't worry.

If mine doesn't eat his dinner, he gets nothing else until breakfast. He's normal weight and healthy, it won't kill him.

I think if it was me I would save the food that she has left and if she is still hungry later then she can have it heated up. Honestly, I don't think she is starving hungry otherwise she wouldn't have fallen asleep.

It's fair enough not to like a certain food e.g. mushrooms, but growing up my mum used to cook one meal for the whole family and we could leave any bits we didn't like, but we always ate what was put in front of us as there was no way she would make something else instead! If we were still hungry later in the evening we used to have bread and butter.

Kids need to learn respect because somebody feeds them?

Oh my god!

No Kids don't need to learn respect because somebody feeds them they need to learn that they cannot take the piss and get rewarded.

If it's not uncomfortable for them, they won't learn.

I think it is very easy to fall into accidental habits with food. My little one got into the habit recently of not wanting her dinner and pointing to cupboards where she knew other things were... I didn't get her anything else, but did give her a snack later... she still got the message that lunch is served, and if not eaten, oatcakes come out!

Why do they have to learn?

How many times on here alone have you read about people posting saying they've had a busy/stressful/exciting day and haven't had much chance to eat etc... and are starving.

Why is this type of situation diminished because it's a 7 year old; not mentioning the OP fed her late knowing that she has issues with eating anyway?

If you want her to conform to a routine, you can't make a fuss when she doesn't eat because of lack of one.

Of course she's not going to starve! That is not really the point is it.

Only read first few posts but I don't think op is using food as a weapon. Dd was provided with favourite dinner, didn't eat it then whines she's hungry. Give her the cold/reheated meal. If she doesn't want it tough. No alternatives. Op has provided nice meal. 7 is old enough to understand this.

Op has said its an ongoing issue. So her dd needs to learn it's not ok to leave her dinner and still get toast later. If she ate her pasta and was still hungry, toast is fine, but making the decision not to eat when its been explained should have consequences.

Not having a chance to eat and refusing to eat are very different.

"Why do they have to learn?" Seriously? Because otherwise they learn how to manipulate others to get what they want, that's why!

Well said Liz

SHE IS 7 Sparky

A CHILD!

I think you did the right thing OP.

You did the right thing. Going to bed hungry won't kill her, and hopefully she's learned something from the whole experience.

These threads drive me crazy.

It never takes more than a few words for some nutters disciplined folk to throw up the phrases "don't let her control you" and "manipulative!

Oh my God!

If she doesn't like what is put in front of her then I ask her to eat at least a fork full. She would then get pudding and something later. The point I was making was that it was her favourite pasta. Her friend finished all of the pasta I gave her.

I just couldn't handle her telling me she was hungry and begging for more food. I think she has been taught a tough lesson tonight... it really wasn't easy.