AIBU for not giving my daughter toast

[misspedantic]

My daughter messed around at teatime, which was late (at around 7.30) because she had a friend over to play. She didn't eat any of the pasta I gave her, even though I told her to eat and is now crying because she is hungry. She has constantly come out of her bedroom for the past hour crying that she is hungry. She does have a problem with food but this pasta is her favourite. I'm fed up with her wasting food and then making toast for her...

AIBU for refusing to feed her toast?

because you are sending her to bed hungry, you are making her go to bed hungry as a punishment even though she has a problem with food.

YABU and daft really because if she's hungry she won't sleep well and will wake up really early tomorrow as well. Give her some toast and a hot chocolate so that you both get a decent night's sleep.

Why didn't you just keep the pasta? If she's got form for doing this that would have seemed the logical thing to do when she didn't eat it the first time. Then you could either heat it up for her, have her heat it up if she sensible enough, or give it to her cold if it's not safe to re-heat. If she's really hungry, she'll eat it.

Her routine was disrupted, she had a friend over and dinner was later than normal - so by this point she was probably a mixture of excited and tired. Not great to disturb a routine when a child already has food issues.

She didn't eat because it was 1) late 2) a friend was round?

Are there no allowances to be made.

You could have given her a snack/leftover pasta and said something along the lines of you can have it this once because obviously you were a bit excited etc.. but don't make a habit of it.

Why is food such an issue for some people. It's a bit of pasta FGS.

FFS Damn- Her daughter was told to eat her tea at an appropriate time,she didn't and was hungry later on.Tough.Does she live in a cafe? Hope she doesn't forget and maybe she will do as asked at another time.

Last post to OP and nowthen

If she's hungry she'll eat it. Perhaps try giving her dog shit, if she's really hungry she'll eat that too. Goodness some real meanies out there!

YABU and daft really because if she's hungry she won't sleep well and will wake up really early tomorrow as well. Give her some toast and a hot chocolate so that you both get a decent night's sleep

She already is asleep.

If my mum gave me toast and hot chocolate after I refused to eat my dinner then I would refuse to eat my dinner every night!

I told her when I removed the plate from the table that I would not be cooking again that night. Quote " are you going to finish this because the kitchen is now closed".

I have kept the meal in the past and she has turned her nose up at it, and I've given in and made toast. This is the first time I have stuck to my guns.

She's now sleeping, which makes it easer.

What is with all the FGS, FGS !

Why do you have to live in a cafe to give a kid a snack before bed?

She was given her tea later than usual and had a friend round! She is 7! My kids don't eat anywhere near as much when others come to play; that's just how it is.

FGS!

FGS!

It's pasta.

Bloody pasta.

How can you be so upset she didn't eat a plate of pasta?

You are not, action has consequence it is very simple. If she. Constantly does this and then requests something else then it is.totally reasonable to get fed up. One night won't hurt. I would suggest trying to serve food that can be eaten cold for a bit. That way I am hungry can be met with here is your tea.

Food refusal is rubbish to deal with and other parents trying to do a guilt trip on you is not on. This is not using food as a weapon. That would be something like behave well or you will have no tea which is totally different to the op.

Anyway, why at 7 can't she just help herself to a snack or something?

Hear, hear LowReg

Fair enough, in those circumstances with that history I think I'd have refused to make toast too. I think (and DS is only 25 weeks so I can't say what I'd do with the benefit of experience) I'd save the uneaten food every time she refused to eat it and make it clear that this is absolutely all that would be offered later, cold if it couldn't be re-heated. I don't think you're using food as a weapon at all, I think you're teaching your DD to respect you and your efforts, and that she has to consider the longer-term consequences of her action or inactions. YANBU.

I don't think that this is food as a weapon. It's preventing the child from using food as a means of control themselves.

I have learned to keep rejected food to offer again, it's not making an issue about the food, more that they need to fit in with the family routine and not dictate how the household runs.

X-post with LowReg who probably put it better than me!

damnbamboo what snack to you suggest the child be encouraged to help herself to after refusing her dinner?

It is as a weapon because as an adult, if you are hungry, you can sort yourself out!

As a child, you can't always.

How many adults always, always eat what is dished up (poverty and no other choice aside) or just never fancy what they've got in front of them?

I don't think YABU.
If she is really hungry she will eat the pasta, if she refuses then she is just being fussy.

Bit of fruit, maybe a yoghurt

IMO its not using food as a weapon. You told her what would happen if she did not eat her tea and have followed through. I think you have done the right thing FWIW. Surely by giving her toast you would be undermining your own authority?

Yes 7 year old who have just had their food fed to them late and had a friend round for tea are the worst sort of manipulative kind to deal with aren't they Nagoos

I have this problem with DS1. He won't eat his food and then later says he's hungry. You can't keep throwing away decent food and then giving toast instead. It's wasteful and it's not good for them. I've taken to keeping the uneaten food, as others have suggested, then if he says he's hungry he gets told to eat that.

I hope she sleeps well now. I suspect she will, then eat a good breakfast!